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How do you tell religious people that you're an atheist?

I live in America and am surrounded by Christians.
Whenever I talk about myself to religous people, I want to say ,"I am an atheist". Do you say that? Is there a better way?

Bingogwak 6 Sep 10
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806 comments (751 - 775)

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1

If someone asks me about my beliefs I tell them exactly what I believe because I am not worried about what other people think. I never bring it up as a topic of conversation unless I'm with people I know because those discussions don't end well with people who believe in god. There are lots of other things to talk about and I steer clear of religion as a topic.

1

Personally, I say that I am a skeptic and that I cannot believe in things just because other people say it's true. Since there is no factual reason to believe in the existence of deities, I simply don't.

MarcO Level 5 Oct 6, 2017
1

I don't. It isn't any of their damn business. If someone talks to me about religion or asks me, I just say "I don't follow that particular path." and leave it at that. If they persist, then I just say it. I'm an Agnostic Atheist! That often ends the conversation. 🙂

1

Depends. Do not ever put it down on hospital forms, I've had very bad experiences there. I normally just say I'm not religious.

1

I believe that if say a Christian does bring up a religious topic a quick mention of, "oh, i'm an atheist so..." is a good way of making it known. That's the appropriate moment in my opinion. Of course the quick question of "oh, so you don't believe in God?" comes up as a quick quip. But you just have to hold your ground. There's plenty of Christians in the country who will actually be okay with you being an atheist. They don't care usually. Just keeping a calm demeanor if they ask questions is important.

3

I think before you say anything it would be wise to carefully consider the ramifications of letting it be known. Some people have been rejected to the point that their friends quit talking to them, co workers stop talking to you, in some cases I've even heard about parents kicking teenagers out of their house.

89

I've found that it is better to wait and let people get to know you as a person before you reveal you do not believe in any good/gods. It is harder for someone to write you off or react negatively when they like you on a human level.

God* not good lol oops

Yes, totally agree. Imagine a woman goes a year without talking about religiousity with her partner, assuming it’s even possible to go that long, and she loves almost everything about her significant other and loves spending time with him and they are inseparable. It’s gonna be hard for her to stop being with him just because he said he doesn’t believe in a god or gods. I could be wrong.

I agree with you in theory, Ashley. Although personally, I find it difficult to actually do that in practice, because many seemingly inconsequential, basic premises in discussion, touch on religiously charged topics. For example... Evolution as a big one. Can't talk about living things without invoking evolution!

Agree. I wait for them to ask rather than telling them.

@hanahbanana Absolutely! I've noticed that anyone with a clue will assume atheism fairly quickly once we become fairly well acquainted. If they don't, and are offended after asking, well too bad for them, I don't hide my lack of belief, don't scream it to the skys either.

Nor do believers. I mean, they don't enter a roomful of strangers and say, "Hi...! My name is Grace, and I believe in the Invisible Man, talking snake, and all sorts of weird off-the-wall shit. Nice to meet you."

It's simply something no one would do at a first meeting. I usually wait until they've noticed that babies are disappearing before I let 'em know.

@Jarucker It might work the other way - your significant other tells you after a year that they're religious! Horror!

@evidentialist - unfortunately I've had loads of people proclaim "I'm a christian!" or even worse (possibly) "I'm a catholic!" at first meetings. Time to take a sly step away.

@Gringo6 -- It's their problem then, isn't it? Until such time as they assail me with one thing or another based upon whatever it is they believe, it doesn't concern me what they believe nor what they think everyone else believes. I don't believe in anything beyond the mundane transient stuff we use to maintain a degree of sanity, so I could care less.

I can’t speak for Ashley, but when I am asked to pray I start with silence like meditation. Then I say the things I hope for the group (I always mention cultivating critical thinking)
Then end with something like “with these good intentions let us move onto dinner” or the meeting or what ever activity I am asked to pray for so people know it is done without the Amen.
No mention of God etc.
People generally stop asking you to pray because it is so weird to them. Kind of gives them an insight into how non-believers feel at a prayer though they may not make that jump.

If people ask about it you can say you subscribe to separation of church and state in your life. Or you feel it’s rude to proselytize your believes outside of your personal time and that’s why you didn’t mention God. This is more of a move to plant the seed that it can be construed as rude to ask people to pray religiously at a public function. That you think of it as rude. Maybe a minority might change their behavior.

@Stevil

@Myah i love this! Thank you!

@Jarucker American Atheists have two documented cases of married Atheists for DECADES pretending to each other to be religious. ...separate postal boxes to receive American Atheist membership mail. ...when both took separate vacations they lied to each other for separate destinations AND MET AT AMERICAN ATHEIST NATIONAL CONVENTIONS instead UN-intentionally. ....one couple expressed joy to end their separate secret lives THE OTHER RESENTMENT OVER THE LIES assuming sexual affairs were also afoot. ...THE DEPTHS OF THE CLOSET ARE FOOLISH fearsome and presumes the worst when honesty is the best policy

I agree with Ashley, once people know you as a moral person who is not sacrificing small children and animals on an altar to the devil they relax. besides it is a good opener to point out we don't worship the devil either!

I generally follow this approach and avoid religion or politics before getting to know someone. However, it is not unusual for me to be asked within the first hour of meeting some about my personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

@Stevil Maybe we should have some sort of form of words to say if we are asked to say grace, like 'We are thankful that we have food before us today, when many others lack it, and we are grateful to those who prepared it for us.'

@ you can do everything right and make one mistake and she'll never let you forget it that's all she'll talk about about everything that you've done wrong that's what happened to me never anything I did what was right

@hanahbanana but they never ask. People just make the assumption that you/me are religious. At least in my experience.

I agree. I also try to make it funny if the subject comes up like "don't crucify me, but..."

I like to start with ”Dear Satan".

@Myah I sometimes pray simlar to you. I quite often do end with the traditional amen, which is just 'so be it' in Hebrew/Arabic. Sometimes Ill just say So be it in English or for variety end with the Pagan/Wiccan So Mote it be.

@GreenAtheist A friend asked his wife if she would be interested in attending Kansas City Oasis sometime, and after reading about it she asked 'Why would I want spend time with Atheists?" His reply was 'You've been married one for decades." Her snide remark hurt him, but she did agree volunteer with out group when we go a ministry 1x a month. Afterward we went out for dinner and drinks, so when she mentioned liking some of us, he dropped another A bomb on her 😉 She had assumed the likeable among us were Christian!

@bigfeetmn me too. That’s the hardest part. They just think you’re religious and so then you’re left feeling like, do I bring it up? How do I approach this now?

@GreenAtheist I told my believing wife soon after I "woke up". I was scared but it worked out. But I don't think I'll be telling anyone else for a while. Better to remain quiet than have the church knocking on my door everyday trying to convince me god is real.

@Snake91 yes choose your little battles well in manageable little bites....your loving bride can slowly let go of alleged gawds like our Saturday Night Live hero JUST PAT and all her good works humorously retelling how Catholic parents, hysterectomy a brother's cancer all failed the basic common sense of Atheism admitting the popes and bible gawds never answer prEyers

@CeliaVL exactly the words I've been looking for!

1

I don't their faith is none of my business and my lack of faith is none of theirs. I appriciate their good will, no matter how they say it. I'm a person just like them and picking fights does no one any favors.

Jay1L Level 2 Oct 4, 2017
1

I use the term secular humanist or freethinker. The term atheist I usually provide in definition form, such as that I think there is insufficient evidence for the divine. I then often get the question, isn't that the definition for agnostic? To which I reply, no, that is the definition for atheist, or agnostic atheist, after which I must explain how agnostic and atheist are two separate answers to two very different questions and how positive belief in something is required to believe where lack of belief requires no positive belief. It's all rather confusing to people, so I try to avoid the "A" word.

1

I have already started talking about fairies when the conversation was getting bogged down in religion and the people were clearly preachy types that I did not give a crap about being friends with. When asked how that related to what we were discussing, I responded " we are discussing fairy tales, right?" Then walked away.

2

I just say I am not religious. If I need to clarify further I say that I do not follow any relgious doctrines. I do not view things like the Bible, Quran, Torah, etc as anything other than a man written book like Grimms fairytales or the like. They are some good and bad things in there. Some seems worth following and learning from. Some just seems foolish and wrong. As for the existence of a God or creator type entity, I am not sure but I am sure that so far is that I am not going to worship any of the gods from those books.

DeiP Level 5 Oct 4, 2017
2

Just bluntly state that you don't adhere to any religious doctrine.

1

If they ask.

1

I live in a conservative community now (the one I grew up in, but I went away for 20 years and came back). I never deny being atheist, but I don't generally steer conversations towards religion or lack thereof, so it rarely comes up. When it does, I am honest about my atheist stance, and not defensive about it. I occasionally get the 'how can you be atheist when looking at how amazing/complex/etc. the world is' question, and I give a brief but technical and logical argument in response, probably more than they hoped to hear, but all very polite and assertive. The church I was raised in taught me well how to win religious debates, so I guess I am using those same skills now to present my athest stance in a way that is informative rather than offensive or an invitation for religious folks to try to convert me. I am not ashamed or uncertain about my atheist stance, and see no reason to pretend otherwise.

3

I live in Tennessee and don't generally have many issues.

You know how you probably hate Jehova's Witnesses knocking on your door to preach the good word to you? Well religious people respond the same way to aggressive atheism. Just be chill, and don't focus on the topic too heavily.

Derek Level 2 Oct 2, 2017
2

i don't that can be dangerous for me ...

4

I say it straight out. I was taught as a child how evil atheists were. I spent too many years intimidated by my abusive evangelical mother and now that I have a TBI...It's almost a physical problem for me to lie. In response to say nope I'm an atheist, I've been told I'm the nicest atheist one guy has ever met! One woman told me..."But you look like such a nice person" Most people that I tell don't spend much time debating me because I'm pretty clear that I think religion is cruel and abusive to children.
I feel like I'm part of the beginning of humanity letting it go. In whatever small way we really are making a difference by spreading knowledge and talking to others. I feel its my duty to be honest for the sake of the world my children and grandchildren have to live in.

I remember seeing an atheist on tv when I was a little girl. I asked my mom what an atheist was and she got all upset..teared up, almost shaking from emotion and said, "They're TERRIBLE PEOPLE who don't believe in god!!!" It's funny because I think my mom could almost be called agnostic now. LOL.

If you were on stage, I would stand and applaud. Although the church I was forced to attend when young didn't acknowledge atheists, In school it was common knowledge that atheists gathered in cemeteries to sacrifice dogs to the devil. I have witnessed much destruction to the minds of youth including a lovely young woman who, according to her suicide note that her friends found, "I have killed myself so I can live forever with my dead father and Jesus in heaven" - - - there are many other stories. . . I fully share your sentiment.

3

I have to say I avoid the conversation when at all possible, nothing good can come from it, especially with friends. Usually, I just claim I am anti-organized religion, due to the damage it has done over the millennia to our people all over the world That usually suffices and the subject is dropped.

Dee56 Level 2 Oct 1, 2017
2

I went with "just be out". I didn't feel the need to sit anyone down and give or receive a lecture on the topic. I unlocked all my Facebook posts and let the chips fall where they may. I'm out as a gay atheist and they just get to deal with that. I've been told that any boyfriend I ever have won't be welcome around and I told them that when that happens I'll be disappearing. I'm no less gay with or without a boyfriend. If he's not welcome for who he is, then CLEARLY neither am I. And I don't need that shit in my life.

2

I just say,I believe in peaceful life, So no debate over comparative study of religions and politics.

2

It depends. Sometimes I just say it. Other times, people want to hear a reason and so I explain.

3

Since when being an atheist is alike to coming out of the closet like we are homosexual (which isn’t problematic either). We don’t even have to state it. Religious people would naturally feel uncomfortable if we discuss in detail their actual beliefs. They should be the one “coming out” and apologizing for their nonsense.

2

Just wait they will ask you about your belief soon or later

2

If they ask I tell them the truth.

3

I don't tell anyone unless they ask, but if they ask I'll give them a straight answer.

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