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Men/Women, Is sex a requirement for an enjoyable romantic relationship?

I have a friend that I grew up with who's been married for more than 30 years to her husband. She's mentioned that sex in there marriage is "a lot" if it's once a month. Which is to say sex is not a common activity in their marriage. They seem committed to one another and seem to love each other. They are very religious Christianish type folks. I must say however, that in family pics posted on facebook her husband, a late-fifties gray-haired Caucasian man in a suit, appears to have a barely noticeable half-sided "smile" with a what appears to always be a slightly dissatified countenance. He reminds me of a man secretly addicted to porn while being a church minister type. I wonder if a virtually sexless marriage with a person you love is common or acceptable to men or women. I find this topic interesting because I believe that the expression of love is most profoundly comminicated sexually. That is not too suggest that I don't realize there are an infinite number of ways to express romantic love however. What do you think about sexless marriages or sexless romantic relationships? Are they feasably potentially satisfying and healthy?

LilAtheistLady 7 July 8
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78 comments (51 - 75)

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3

I think it depends on the health and vitality of the couple. Some couples lose a lot of that vitality as they get older.

3

For some folks, sex isn't very important. As for myself l find SEX EXTREMELY IMPORTANT, but thats just me.

3

Since my wife and I separated, the thing I miss most is having someone to talk to. With that being said, I wouldn’t mind some meaningless banging any time soon.

With deep conversation after, of course.

3

I don't get the idea of having little or no sex in a marriage or relationship..unless it's absolutely what both parties want.

Without affection sexual bonding etc I think one of the parties will be miserable and frustrated.

One could understand, as I say if it is a mutual decision or if your partner is ill.

3

Is a horse a requirement for a pleasant carriage ride?

lerlo Level 8 July 8, 2018

No - if it's a rickshaw ...

@evergreen exactly, it depends on the kind of ride you want and your definition of pleasant. Just like it depends on the kind of relationship you want and how pleasant you want it to be

3

I suppose it can happen but personally I need to have that intimacy in any relationship I'm lucky enough to be in.

2

Depends on the person. Asexual people can still be in loving, romantic relationships. Some people don’t feel sex is an important part of a relationship. To each their own.

2

Good, fun, consensual physical intimacy (SEX!) is essential to a thriving, healthy relationship, otherwise you're just roommates. The exception would be if it's no longer possible, then hopefully the relationship will stand on its merits. Even then, you can still be intimate, right?

2

I am single so my perspective is second hand. For married folk I talk openly with sex is a very important part of a healthy relationship. For those married with an unwilling/unable partner, there is a lack of full emotional health in their relationship. I am guessing there is a spectrum of need for each person so you will need a large sample group and a metric for defining "satisfying and healthy".

Good comment. I think my friend has a loving marriage as far as I can tell. They seem to enjoy being with one another. Just very little sex according to her. He on the other hand "seems" a bit withdrawn. Never smiles or laughs. Opposite to my friend. Maybe thats just him.

2

I found a whole lot of men like this on craigslist looking to have sex with other men.

2

Maybe a little Pragmatic storge?

1

I would not stay in a relationship that lacked sexual intimacy.

1

Of course sex is a requirement, else what's the point? Even unattractive people needs some loving. (No pun intended in case that's your issue) So unless your 60 years old and older where sex can be a hazard (or embarassing) I'd say go for it.

1

After about 60, sex drive diminishes for females. Males lose ability..... Enjoy life until then....

What a generalized statement. Not true for everyone. Maybe your wife?

1

Might be best see b4 marrage if used to lots say 2/3 times a week,then after marry reduced to say 1 week, then 1 per month, then 1 yr, get out of marrage b4 you age badly

I was 3-5 day first year, 2/day for 30 years....... Life is always more fun with your pants off...

1

It didn't work for me. The difference in our definition of what "normal" married sex should be was way off. She would be quite willing to live together if there were no physical activities involved. I have absolutely no interest in a platonic housemate. When I love someone, I want to be as close to that person as two people can get. And it doesn't get any closer than sex. If I am going to have to masturbate and watch porn for sex, why bother having a wife or girlfriend? LOL

Right on... Otherwise: 2000 ducks or 2 years, whitchever comes first.....

1

not essential but it certainly helps. i would love women friendships of any type

1

absolutely!

1

Asexual is code for married.

Mokvon Level 8 July 18, 2018
1

Yes they are feasible and satisfying. One needs look no further than asexual couples or aromantic couples or couples with low sex drives see it. Also intimacy and love can be expressed in other physical ways such as making out, cuddling, hand holding, kissing, etc.

Side note did it ever occur you that she would like more s e x more often, but it is him that leaves her hanging? Your post seems suggest she leaves him high and dry. >.>

1

Catholic sex is HOW TO GET PREGNANT no condoms no pills no spermacide no diaphragms. ...yet 90% + Catholics ignore the 2 living rapist popes and "do it" as they see fit.....is a marriage license a guarantee for male entitlement ? All my life my partners have always expressed fun satisfaction OF THE MOMENT while never a green light to come a fucking minutes OR YEARS later

1

People have many different ways giving and receiving love. For some people simply saying "I love you" and demonstrating love through random acts of kindness are enough. For many others (myself included) sex is needed in order to truly feel loved.

1

It's important for me. My last romantic relationship fell apart partly because my girlfriend lost sexual interest in me. I can't really comment on your friend, though.

1

Sounds like they are trying to look the part so people think of them as good according to their churches standard, I bet they're miserable but simply quit trying or thinking it was possible for them to get what would make them happy and just stay comfortably boring and pent up.

1

As a single man who has never been married I can't say for sure... I'm inclined to believe that sex is an integral part of intimacy, although obviously not an absolute essential. I know a great many married couples Who, as in the original post, don't engage often if at all or so they say and seem to be lacking, always slightly unhappy or dissatisfied.

Whether or not there is a connection I'm not sure. It's an interesting question I'm looking forward to reading others thoughts.

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