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Question for the single people...

Do you, have you, would you have sex with people for the sake of getting laid? The so-called booty call. Do you feel regret after? Do you do it with hopes that they'll eventually want a relationship? Do you make sure your intentions, (or lack thereof) are known? Do you just use people?

valerina 7 July 13

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I love sex. I have a few guys currently I see that it's all about sex with. I am always honest up front that I am not interested in a relationship. I can detach from the emotional part. I have fun, they have fun and we're safe.

Kanda Level 5 July 13, 2018

That's incredible. I can't detach myself from my emotion. I need it to feel great about having sex.

good for you! you take control of your own needs, I admire that!

My kind of woman. I have met many who feel the same.


Nope, will not be a booty call for anyone. If I need an orgasm I have my toys. If I am going to bump uglies it will be in a relationship. I need the emotional connection.



I wouldn't call it using people. I have had an understanding with a couple of friends that we are friends, but also have needs. So, not strangers, but not a dating relationship, either. You can call it a booty call, or friends with benefits or fuck buddies doesn't matter. I think if everyone is above board and forthright about their intentions, and maintains that level of honesty, a friends with benefits arrangement can work out well. Getting laid on the regular is not a bad thing.

You are so right.


As long as everyone is on the same page there’s nothing wrong with a friend with benefits. Sometimes you just want to have sex with no commitment and no strings.


I have, with consent and clear intentions, but I wouldn't call what I had a booty call. Twice I entered "relationships" that were strictly sexual in nature. I did not fall in love or develop feelings (and neither did they), so no one was hurt when they ended. But I also learned that, to me, anyway, it's not worth the effort. There was no heartbreak, but also no real connection. And connection is what I really miss.


In the 6 years since i left my ex, ive gone thru phases. I have had a few fwbs, and the ONLY reason it has ever been ok and not hurtful is if NEITHER person has strong feelings for the other, so it can just be purely physical; fun; experience, etc. I felt like, "well, im definitely not getting into a serious relationship right after my huge failed marriage, but in the mean time, any touch is better than none.." But increasingly, i find i'd rather take the "none" over the " any". For me, if its merely physical with no connection otherwise, it just highlights and makes me think of all that it could be, but isn't. Neither of us wonder how the other's day is going, neither of us want to inhabit eachothers' lives , outside of sex. Neither of us want to just make dinner together, etc. So at this point, yeah, definitely no touch is better than empty touch. And anyway ,for me, the sex is just exponentially better in itself, if there is a deeper connection. Also, lets face it, both men and women have a hard time letting sex be just sex. Most cases, one of the people will want more, and end up getting hurt. There is nothing wrong with someone clearly saying "i am not looking for a Relationship..", but you have to be very clear about it , and examine your motives, and make sure you arent in it to manipulate people and yo yo them back n forth. Not right.

Great answer. I, too, had a failed marriage so I get it.

@valerina SOOO hard to balance the hope with the "wisdom" gained from the bad experience- you don't wanna assume the worst and be cynical, or punish anyone for the mis-deeds of your ex, and thereby sabotage any possible thing with doubt, but you also have to not be so hopeful that you set yourself up for repeated disappointment.


I think I've tried all these varieties at different points in my life. But being as things were always mutual - no one was "used" in the negative sense. And no regrets ever.

I'm noticing a lot of people regard the word "used" in a negative sense. I use a pen to write, doesn't mean I don't value the pen. 🙂

@valerina I hear ya ! Sometimes, being thoroughly used is quite delicious ...

@evergreen yessss, thank you!


I couldn’t do a one night stand or a booty call with someone I didn’t know. Be sure and be safe. I’m sexually attracted and turned on by an intelligent man, so there would have to be a friendship established before the opportunity of sex arose. As long as there was a meeting of the minds, no one was going to get emotionally hurt and there was a mutual understanding that this would be a temporary arrangement, why not?


An honest arrangement is a good arrangement regardless of who is involved.



I have, and I have no problems with it. So long as both parties know what they are getting in to and accept the potential risks.


When I have sex, I am flooded with a bonding hormone, the same hormone that bonded me with my baby while nursing. This sends me sideways. After sex, I feel all relationship-y, while the man just planted seeds.

To open up physically with a man, I need to feel SAFE. This takes time and relationship-building. Then I have the greatest, mind-blowing, shattering orgasms. Casual sex doesn't do it for me.

This is so relatable. I want to have casual sex but instinctively I end up with feelings and like you said, feeling all relationship-y lol! It's a struggle.


I used to be okay with casual sex until a one night stand turned into years of custody battles and having to be nice (for my son's sake) to a woman I downright despise... Now, the only sex I have is with myself...

omgah lesson learned there!

@valerina As much as I despise her -- and it's A LOT -- I wouldn't change a thing... I got a really great son out of the deal, so I can put up with her petty bullshit... He's worth it...

@Shawappa44820 That's awesome!


I've done it before. I didn't regret it because we both knew it was just a wham bam thank you ma'am.

Honestly in my younger days I had a lot of sex with no strings attached. The only time I felt guilt was when one was in a relationship and I found out later. Oh boy I screamed at him and was so angry at him and myself. I've been cheated on and never wanted to do that to someone else.

@LadyAlyxandrea Almost like a broken commitment, sacred promise betrayed,a severe blow to your well being and ego perhaps?

@sweetcharlotte 18 was a very rebellious age for me

@sweetcharlotte 18 was a very rebellious age for me


I've done that a couple times in my life. No regrets because both were honest and it was strictly just about having sex. Neither of us were cheating or anything like that. Couple of good memories is basically what I got from it. Also an egoboost at the time because both times the women were beautiful, successful, kind, intelligent, and up front and open about what they wanted. Overall they were good experiences for me. Can't speak for them. I hope I did them the same favor.


Reporting for booty....


Yes I do have sex with people just for the sake of getting laid. I'm going to qualify that by saying never with strangers. I'm not against it with strangers, it's just I'm not the kind of guy who picks up people when I'm out and about. I've never gone to a bar/club/party with the intent of going home with someone.

I do tend to surround myself with sex positive people who are ok with sex and have safe practices that I trust. I have on occasion had sex with these friends at parties. I have also on occasion had friends over which then turned into sex. I've had sex in group settings but always with friends. Oh darn. Yes ok a few times I've had sex with friends of friends whom I didn't know prior to that evening so I guess that would be a stranger but because the group were mostly my friends who were involved peripherally, I forgot about the hand full of strangers. (I know, I'm glossing over a lot of things you want to know more about, that's a story for another time). I've never had any regrets with any of them. I still talk and interact with all of them. Even the strangers are now included in my friends. If any of my friends wanted or needed sex tight now I'd be there for them. We are always open and honest with each other. There is no other way for me to behave, I care about people and don't want to hurt them.

That said. I really need to feel an emotional connection to a person in order for me to want to initiate a sexual relationship. Yes, there are people who I fantasize about having sex with based solely upon their looks, their style of clothing, the shoes they are wearing, or the sound of their voice. However, if one of those people should knock on my door and proposition me, I'd respectfully decline. Perhaps I would invite them in for a drink and conversation, but not instant sex. I'm not wired that way.I have to get to know them before I will engage in physical intimacy. Friends of friends whom I don't know get a pass because I know and trust my friends.

Is there ever any jealousy or drama among your friends? It seems like a really great group of people. Very trusting and open though.

@valerina Jealousy is unavoidable. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't ever any. The beauty of my friends is that most of them have developed great communication skills so when Jealousy rears it's ugly head, we can discuss it without anger and work through the reasons for it. Sometimes it's just a matter of a boundary having been unexpressed or forgotten. Talking about it lets the person who overstepped adjust and all parties involved can move past it and go back to loving one another.

Drama, yeah that too is unavoidable. Good communication skills and trying to remain calm and rational once the immediate "get it off your chest" moment has passed is a great way to move past it.

I do love my friends. They are a really great group of people and I would bend over backwards to help any of them if they needed it. I feel like I have been blessed to have them in my life. While I don't believe in a supreme being, I do believe that things like Karma, blessings, and spirituality do exist in this universe.


I have done a ton of that back in my day. Sometimes, I called, sometimes they called.
But honestly getting older I really just don't care about that kind of thing any more. I've never been one much for having to be in a relationship any way, although I've had quite a few. But most of the time I like to spend my time on my my own, or with some friends.


I don’t. I prefer a connection with a partner, not just sex. I can’t imagine that anyone would want a one night thing with me, either, as I really suck at first impressions, I’m not a people person, and any charm that I carry is covered in layers of pain, abuse, and distrust.

Aww you need a hug!!! 🙂 I'm sure someone out there wants to use you. 😛

@valerina Maybe but I don’t want that

@NothinnXpreVails Of course not. 🙂


I always make my intentions abundantly clear from the get-go, no interest in messing people about. I have slept with someone for a while without it being a relationship, but we've been genuinely friends. I couldn't bring myself to sleep with someone I don't respect! Sometimes a full-blown relationship isn't going to work for whatever reason, but spending time together is still very nice.


I had some one-night stands when I was a young man, but I don't think I would do it now, though the temptation hasn't been in front of me. For whatever reason, when it gets physical, my heart gets involved.


I have in the past, but usually I'm the one who develops feelings and gets hurt by their lack of reciprocation. Difficult to say if I'd rule it out in the future, but I probably should in many ways.

Mashuu Level 3 July 15, 2018

Nope. Do NOT do booty calls or one night stands. I need know and trust a person, have some sort of connection before I can be sexually intimate. I am demisexual and it is our way. I like that there is a label for people like me that can find a stranger attractive but never want randomly have with hot strangers. Not many youngins could or can relate me. 😟

However I have a FWBs type of situation going on. Probably shouldn't be doing so cuz it is with an ex but humans have needs. 😳

At this risk of overstepping my bounds: it isn't necessarily a bad thing just because it's an ex. Sometimes a relationship doesn't so much change as the parameters do. If the relationship works this way and everyone is honest about what's going on it's a successful way to go about it. Define your own romantic and sexual paradigms. If the relationship ended due to a persistent or toxic issue and that's a factor it gets way more complicated and further commentary along that line would absolutely be overstepping on my part.

@Humanistheathen i had to look up what "demisexual" means. It said "a person who doesnt feel sexual attraction without emotional connection". Then it said that means a person is "between sexual and asexual." How is that? How does it make me less sexual just because i, like most or all people, feel stronger attraction when there is emotional connection? As if adding one subtracts from the other? I have a very strong sex drive, but to be "fullsexual", i have to fuck the closest plant? What a stupid made up label just like all of em. I wanna know who gets to make up these words? Why all the subsets, labels, and exclusive clubs? Why not just say wtf you want instead of making up a word and making people look them up? I'd argue that people who claim not to feel more attraction when there is emotional connection have been taught that they should want quantity over quality, and theyre trying to convince themselves its true. Or often, in cases of people who use sex to get something else like money, attention, status, control, power, therapy, whatever, it's less about physical sexuality and more about some kind of psychological compulsion, so arguably that's asexual.

@Humanistheathen yea same here. Plus fucking fear mongering catholic school "sex ed" has me paranoid about STDs and STIs as well. So there's an emotional as well as a practical psychological aspect to it. If the ex was not a friend, and things were toxic, I would not be doing a FWBs situation. He is literally the ONLY ex I have been able to be friends with all the other fckboys can fck off and burn for all I care. 😛 When our friendship was struggling at some point we stopped being intimate because at that point it would have been akin to just rubbing it out with someone I cannot stand. And hate fcking seems wrong (TO ME and FOR ME).

@Punkrockgirl77 It's a kind of shorthand , so to speak . Demisexual . is one word , it took you 10 words , to say what it meant .

@humanistheathen uh, yeah, i dare.. see, the problem with making up words is, no one knows what they mean so everyone gets different definitions of them and argue semantics. (E.g. transwomen calling themselves lesbians) And no, it took much longer for me to look up that fake word than it would have for u to just say "i like sex with emotional connection", And i still don't get how that statement implies i am less "sexual" and more "asexual". Nope.

Sorry but fwbs ARE booty calls. Lol

@Punkrockgirl77 whatever helps you sleep at night lady. First you are pissed at a new word. Newsflash new words are created all the time. The fluidity of language scares you. Now secondly you are mad that someone has a FWBs so you have to denigrate them. Buzz off


Not very good sex the times I tried it....DIY better, no disease/pregnancy or gossip worries after, either.


That sounds awful religious to me. If a friend in need came over with a cut on his or her hand would you weigh the moral implications of putting a band aid on him or her?
What's with the guilt bit?
I don't think anyone would argue against the benefits that come from orgasm so the only question is why are you feeling anything other than pleasure for having experienced it.
The church taught you that part didn't they?

I never had to go to church. Aside from going to watch my step-nieces perform in a play.

Some people feel guilt, it's just a question. I wanted my question to cover it all, to evoke thought.


I have had a few FWB's before. All 3 times, the intentions behind our arrangement was made clear from the start. I'm an extremely honest and blunt person, for better or worse. In the case of my last one, before we began hooking up I straight out told her, "Don't get feelings for me". The first two were both married, so I wasn't concerned.
Having said all that... Yes. I prefer to have sex with someone I'm committed to. It makes most things feel better. You already have that established trust and relationship to fall back on.

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