Do you, have you, would you have sex with people for the sake of getting laid? The so-called booty call. Do you feel regret after? Do you do it with hopes that they'll eventually want a relationship? Do you make sure your intentions, (or lack thereof) are known? Do you just use people?
I wouldn't call it using people. I have had an understanding with a couple of friends that we are friends, but also have needs. So, not strangers, but not a dating relationship, either. You can call it a booty call, or friends with benefits or fuck buddies doesn't matter. I think if everyone is above board and forthright about their intentions, and maintains that level of honesty, a friends with benefits arrangement can work out well. Getting laid on the regular is not a bad thing.
I have, with consent and clear intentions, but I wouldn't call what I had a booty call. Twice I entered "relationships" that were strictly sexual in nature. I did not fall in love or develop feelings (and neither did they), so no one was hurt when they ended. But I also learned that, to me, anyway, it's not worth the effort. There was no heartbreak, but also no real connection. And connection is what I really miss.
In the 6 years since i left my ex, ive gone thru phases. I have had a few fwbs, and the ONLY reason it has ever been ok and not hurtful is if NEITHER person has strong feelings for the other, so it can just be purely physical; fun; experience, etc. I felt like, "well, im definitely not getting into a serious relationship right after my huge failed marriage, but in the mean time, any touch is better than none.." But increasingly, i find i'd rather take the "none" over the " any". For me, if its merely physical with no connection otherwise, it just highlights and makes me think of all that it could be, but isn't. Neither of us wonder how the other's day is going, neither of us want to inhabit eachothers' lives , outside of sex. Neither of us want to just make dinner together, etc. So at this point, yeah, definitely no touch is better than empty touch. And anyway ,for me, the sex is just exponentially better in itself, if there is a deeper connection. Also, lets face it, both men and women have a hard time letting sex be just sex. Most cases, one of the people will want more, and end up getting hurt. There is nothing wrong with someone clearly saying "i am not looking for a Relationship..", but you have to be very clear about it , and examine your motives, and make sure you arent in it to manipulate people and yo yo them back n forth. Not right.
I couldn’t do a one night stand or a booty call with someone I didn’t know. Be sure and be safe. I’m sexually attracted and turned on by an intelligent man, so there would have to be a friendship established before the opportunity of sex arose. As long as there was a meeting of the minds, no one was going to get emotionally hurt and there was a mutual understanding that this would be a temporary arrangement, why not?
When I have sex, I am flooded with a bonding hormone, the same hormone that bonded me with my baby while nursing. This sends me sideways. After sex, I feel all relationship-y, while the man just planted seeds.
To open up physically with a man, I need to feel SAFE. This takes time and relationship-building. Then I have the greatest, mind-blowing, shattering orgasms. Casual sex doesn't do it for me.
I've done that a couple times in my life. No regrets because both were honest and it was strictly just about having sex. Neither of us were cheating or anything like that. Couple of good memories is basically what I got from it. Also an egoboost at the time because both times the women were beautiful, successful, kind, intelligent, and up front and open about what they wanted. Overall they were good experiences for me. Can't speak for them. I hope I did them the same favor.
Yes I do have sex with people just for the sake of getting laid. I'm going to qualify that by saying never with strangers. I'm not against it with strangers, it's just I'm not the kind of guy who picks up people when I'm out and about. I've never gone to a bar/club/party with the intent of going home with someone.
I do tend to surround myself with sex positive people who are ok with sex and have safe practices that I trust. I have on occasion had sex with these friends at parties. I have also on occasion had friends over which then turned into sex. I've had sex in group settings but always with friends. Oh darn. Yes ok a few times I've had sex with friends of friends whom I didn't know prior to that evening so I guess that would be a stranger but because the group were mostly my friends who were involved peripherally, I forgot about the hand full of strangers. (I know, I'm glossing over a lot of things you want to know more about, that's a story for another time). I've never had any regrets with any of them. I still talk and interact with all of them. Even the strangers are now included in my friends. If any of my friends wanted or needed sex tight now I'd be there for them. We are always open and honest with each other. There is no other way for me to behave, I care about people and don't want to hurt them.
That said. I really need to feel an emotional connection to a person in order for me to want to initiate a sexual relationship. Yes, there are people who I fantasize about having sex with based solely upon their looks, their style of clothing, the shoes they are wearing, or the sound of their voice. However, if one of those people should knock on my door and proposition me, I'd respectfully decline. Perhaps I would invite them in for a drink and conversation, but not instant sex. I'm not wired that way.I have to get to know them before I will engage in physical intimacy. Friends of friends whom I don't know get a pass because I know and trust my friends.
I have done a ton of that back in my day. Sometimes, I called, sometimes they called.
But honestly getting older I really just don't care about that kind of thing any more. I've never been one much for having to be in a relationship any way, although I've had quite a few. But most of the time I like to spend my time on my my own, or with some friends.
I don’t. I prefer a connection with a partner, not just sex. I can’t imagine that anyone would want a one night thing with me, either, as I really suck at first impressions, I’m not a people person, and any charm that I carry is covered in layers of pain, abuse, and distrust.
I always make my intentions abundantly clear from the get-go, no interest in messing people about. I have slept with someone for a while without it being a relationship, but we've been genuinely friends. I couldn't bring myself to sleep with someone I don't respect! Sometimes a full-blown relationship isn't going to work for whatever reason, but spending time together is still very nice.
Nope. Do NOT do booty calls or one night stands. I need know and trust a person, have some sort of connection before I can be sexually intimate. I am demisexual and it is our way. I like that there is a label for people like me that can find a stranger attractive but never want randomly have with hot strangers. Not many youngins could or can relate me.
However I have a FWBs type of situation going on. Probably shouldn't be doing so cuz it is with an ex but humans have needs.
That sounds awful religious to me. If a friend in need came over with a cut on his or her hand would you weigh the moral implications of putting a band aid on him or her?
What's with the guilt bit?
I don't think anyone would argue against the benefits that come from orgasm so the only question is why are you feeling anything other than pleasure for having experienced it.
The church taught you that part didn't they?
I have had a few FWB's before. All 3 times, the intentions behind our arrangement was made clear from the start. I'm an extremely honest and blunt person, for better or worse. In the case of my last one, before we began hooking up I straight out told her, "Don't get feelings for me". The first two were both married, so I wasn't concerned.
Having said all that... Yes. I prefer to have sex with someone I'm committed to. It makes most things feel better. You already have that established trust and relationship to fall back on.