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I tend to be overly honest; that often makes people uncomfortable. My thought is, we are all human, all have different problems (mental and physical) so why not reach out? What are your thoughts on this?

DerekD 7 Jan 12

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16

I don't think most people want to hear the truth. I personally would rather be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie.

My fave meme..

12

Honesty is best policy. I put it all out there. People either accept me for who I am or their loss.

11

It comes down to this: People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. If you don't care and just want to bludgeon folks with your knowledge, just keep your silence. Doesn't cost you anything and it might earn you goodwill. If you care and can help, go forth. The five rules of speaking: Is it True, is it Helpful, is it Inspiring, is it Necessary, and is it Kind. You can be honest, but also need to be caring.

Well said! ❤

8

I tend to keep my cards close. I've had too many people take advantage of my kindness and try to manipulate. So if I do reach out to someone it takes a lot for me to do it

I believe that there is a golden rule amongst con artists and that is "that it is impossible to con an honest person".
That being true we should pity those who believe in deities and realise that they are all dishonest.

@DerekD very ture! Rule number 2 it trust no one until they earn it

@Pooska there is a wonderful power attached to being truthful and not hiding things from people. It has been described to me as the power of innocence and creation of trust. If you trust someone and give them truthful information, & here I'm not talking of confessing to murder, but information such as "I give you my love" you are entrusting that person with something that is inherently valuable to you. The recipient is not being told that you love them but that they are worthy of receiving your love and are sufficiently trusted to properly look after it. If they don't that is not your responsibility that they have now disrespected themself by breaking trust by not ably & maturely accepting your love.

@FrayedBear maybe saying trust isn't the right word....self disclosure might be better i guess. I've lived through a lot and been on many adventures and the details of that journey are what I keep to myself until I get to know someone better.

People tend to mistake kindness for weakness. Like a tiger on a hunt when some burns me I never forget and wait to pounce when the time is on my side. I absolutely hate when people are taken advantage of. You are smart about protecting your intentions.

I understand what you are saying. I dug myself a bit of a hole with the last help I gave, hurt my back helping a neighbor/"friend". Never once called to see how I was doing, etc. so I found myself a bit resentful - a so not me attitude but then where did it come from? the neighbor/"friend" is a JW total believer? So I am working towards releasing that negative resentment energy and moving forward. It has helped the neighbor moved. LOL

8

Reaching out requires one to make himself or herself vulnerable -- taking a risk in exposing things about ourselves to others. Some -- no, many people lack the self-confidence and inner strength to do that. And, there are sociopaths out there who will ake advantage of anything you reveal.

Ok @wordywalt I understand your problem. However what is the percentage of socio/psychopaths in society? One in a hundred? Fifty? Ten? This is the glass half empty vs half full question. You are saying that you will allow one bad person in 10, 50 or 100 stop you from creating a "perfect" relationship with someone in the 9, 49 or 99 non socio/psychopaths?
May I suggest that learning and learning well how to recognise psycho or sociopath will stand you in better stead? [psychologytoday.com]
I note that lack of truthfulness is one symptom of a sociopath.

@FrayedBear My problem? What problem. I was simply commenting on the issue, not myself, and you decided to personalize your remarks inappropriately.

@wordywalt I suggest that failure to exclude yourself from being "one" does not allow you to argue that I personalised your remark inappropriately. But perhaps you claim that you are not human but alien? What are you trying to protect yourself from?

YEAH!! Sometimes my 'radar' fails me.

@silverotter11 Aggressive, derogatory, unprovoked slammers like you.

6

Why not reach out ?
In a way, you answered your own question : "all have different problems" - along with different feelings on sharing, or reaching out.

4

I agree, and myself always get criticism for being so honest. I am old, I say I am old, I don't take offense when others say I am old, the same with me mass, I am obese, I am not offended when someone else states this. But bloody hell, when I am having a discussion with some one and point out that the discussion is beyond them they go right off. I have spent much of my life working with people with intellectual disabilities, it is something I have grown up with as my sister has such. No problems, I love working with these people. It is the arrogant people who think they know better than everybody else, but don't that annoy me. I love spending time with people who know more of a subject than I do, I accept when someone is smarter than I am, who won't others?

Thank you @Rugglesby we can all learn and in fact only stop the day that we die. Unfortunately in this snowflake era it seems that many are not taught that someone is always more clever, more knowledgeable, stronger, more skilled, etc. than themself. I shudder at the trauma & consequence for them when they meet that superior being.

Old is sort of okay, I get it comes with the territory but gravity still really pisses me off.

@Silverotter the effect of gravity can be partially overcome in water, the plastic surgeon's scalpel and to a lesser extent in bed. Hehe

4

My outlook seriously changed after reading of the Houyhnhnms in Gullivers Travels. The Houyhnhnms have no word for a lie (and must substitute a circumlocution: "to say a thing which is not" ).

[en.m.wikipedia.org]

Of course Swift in his story created Yahoo's to parody humans.
In real life I have always found that lying leads to blackmailing, loss of self respect and frequently loss of advantage but as most people, and seemingly politicians who consider it mandatory, are unaware of Professor Cipolla's 5 Laws of Human Stupidity. They think their lying advantageous.

@MrLizard My choice to read it but it was school curricula when I was about 13 or 14. I equally like Professor Cippolla's laws
[qz.com]

3

I'm as honest as the rain. Love who I am in this life as well. I think speaking out is the only way to be. Some restraint at work might be warranted on occasion. LOL

3

I agree if you don't want my answer don't ask me the question.

3

I'm not sure I follow what you mean? Are you especially blunt with people? Or are others put off by over-sharing? Do you have a simple example that illustrates your experience?

2

I realize pleasing everyone is not possible but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

2

To respond, I think I need more information about what it is that you're sharing that makes people uncomfortable. I've had people who I barely know start sharing their deep personal traumas, stories about their crappy childhood, and details of their latest medical troubles. It is sometimes uncomfortable. I found myself in a one sided "conversation" with someone I barely knew where they were going on and on like they were talking to a therapist. So I need to know what "uncomfortable" situations your "overt honesty" is creating.

A lot of times, people are not looking for help, they just want to be listened to, know that people care.

@Funandfondles That's true in a lot of cases. But sometimes really heavy conversation is inappropriate to the time and place. Like sharing a cab, or at a holiday party. Places where I either light banter or happy conversations are wanted. There is a time and place for heavy one-sided talks.

And that is something I have been known to struggle with, that’s why I’m glad I found this site, I have little to no outlets. Even my parents get uncomfortable when I talk to them, I won’t make that mistake with my son, he does not need to hear things like that from me, but if he needs someone I’ll be there for him. @carlyhorton

2

Open channels of communication empower people. If you can get over yourself and listen to other people I think you will be better for it. If knowledge is power, then communication is an excellent way to spread knowledge if it is done in with non judgemental awareness.

1

That is the best way to be. The sappy lies people tell you to protect your feelings is a copout to facing the truth.

1

honesty is the best policy. lies and omissions are the media's prevail

1

I tend to be brutally honest, not that I don't care about orhwrs feelings but I would rather not get caught up in lies

1

I have gone from completely open to completely closed. Who and how I want to be causes repercussions that I can't deal with. It's not my fault. I've done my best to be myself and be kind, and that catalyzes some really bad behavior in some other people. It breaks my heart. I just can't stand to be the reason why someone else acts hatefully--so I pack myself up and take myself home. It's better for everyone this way.

@DerekD Oh I know--love T4A, btw--this just an awkward, painful phase and I don't expect it to last. I have some major stuff to work through. Until I make some good progress, it's damage control mode. There's only so much stuff I can deal with at once.

@stinkeye_a Hi. I just have things to deal with in a million different directions- it is driving me nuts! That is just it.

@splittingzero nicely said [ provided the fog is not an addictive agent coz then you'll need help from mentors to adjust]

@splittingzero that is definitely part of the calculus (I have undergone tx for depression in the past), but this circumstance is more situational and highly specific. Had I been socialized normally as I grew up, I would have known that people respond these ways, and it wouldn't be a problem. (I would also be a completely different person.). I had some recent experiences that opened my eyes to things about which I'd been wholly ignorant, and the resulting picture is one so disturbing that I'm still adjusting after a year. All over something that most folks take for granted or fail to be aware of in the first place because they grow up learning it. It's like a "dark night of the soul", when your understanding of how things work drops away and there's nothing left to stand on...except very specific to social dynamics.

0

I am more than overly honest....and those who don't wish to hear what I have to say are very welcome to leave. I have been told that I am crazy, nuts, ignorant, arrogant...that I have a chip on my shoulder...and more...even a basket case....but all these names were vested on me by those who always said : "I prefer the truth.... as long as is not my truth."

0

To quote Jack Nicholson, "You can't handle the truth!" Which is how most people are. They love lies and BS. I would rather hear a harsh realistic statement than something sugar coated.

0

Same for me, I’m notorious for oversharing. People don’t typically react well when you mention you have casual sex with friends, participated in threesomes, have gay parents, and take care of your ex. The ones that can handle your honesty are the ones you want to keep around.

0

I told a therapist a long time ago that I have my rights to speak out. He looked at me and told me I also have a right to shut up. I understand that today. Being honest about yourself is a choice for you. Being honest about someone else can be damaging. Sometimes it better to say nothing.

0

I tend to be "overly honest" too- even about myself. Depressing, isn't it?

0

I struggle with this more than I want to, I seem to find a way to either be overly honest and running myself out of relationships or support settings (like not lasting more than one class at the one divorce support group in town because it was explicitly Christian) or going to the other extreme and biting my tongue until it hurts because I don’t want to cause a scene. I think it’s ingrained in a lot of cultures, but I’ll defer to those that have more experience in examining culture to conform or repute this, since I’m below average at picking up conversational norms outside of business settings.

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