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Do men have a duty to provide?

Do you think it’s a husband’s responsibility to provide for the wife and family?

Lucignolo 6 Aug 7
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54 comments

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17

Do women have a duty to cook and clean and take care of babies? If a man expects his wife to be traditional then he needs to provide for the family, if he doesn't then it's understood all responsibilities are shared

☝️this!

7

No!!! I can provide for myself just fine, thanks! It is, however, the spouses of either sex responsiblity to provide a partnership so that all needs are met for both..

6

Absolutely not. I know a couple where the man is the stay at home parent and the woman works full time. It works out great for them and their 3 kids are quite well adjusted. Any couple should be a team.

God bless you ?

6

EVERYONE has a duty to provide. It's called personal responsibility and not being a lazy waste of oxygen.
Relationships should be based on each partner providing/functioning to the highest levels of their abilities....
Different roles are permissible and probably preferable based on talents an aptitude -- i.e. someone will be "better" at handling the finances and someone will be "better" at cooking or handling home maintenance.

6

I believe that is a remnant of an outdated society and culture. I believe adults have a duty to equally provide for each other. Its time to move past outdated gender roles and expectations.

5

No, it should be a partnership with accepted and agreed roles within the relationship.

5

It depends on the relationship, but (since this is a pretty broad question) I'd say that we all have a duty to each other to provide what we can, be it in a relationship, or in society. But - that answer is for all genders, not just men.

5

Well you can get yelled at for working too many hours and missing out on the wife and kids life or you can spend more time with the wife and kids and be yelled at for not making enough money for what the wife and kids are being deprived of.

??

If that happened to you, I'm sorry. I have two sons. I've seen what you describe happen to my oldest.

@Freespirit64
I think it happens to a lot of us.

If you're actually getting yelled at for anything you do, kinda damned if you do damned if you don't style, then I'm gonna venture a guess and say it's not what you're doing that's getting you yelled at. There is likely an unrelated underlying issue to blame there, and it will continue to fester if not examined properly.

@BrownSkinGirl
In my case, it was long ago when I was a very young man and it festered right into a divorce.

It hasn't happened to me since but I hear it happens in a lot of marriages.

5

When I was a husband and father, I believed it was my duty to provide. I probably inherited this attitude from my mother and step father (not biologically). My wife came from a family that held the same sort of ideas. So from 1969 till she died in 2007 I was the provider. A year or so before she died she became bedridden and I became a carer as well.
I think you have to work out your roles between you but be prepared to change if injustices in your system are revealed. Note to women: Bargain as hard as your man. Being over-accommodating will not earn you respect.

4

That is entirely up to the couple/family involved. that's not for the general public to decide. if the wife has a career and the husband doesn't, for one of many examples, why shouldn't she provide economically for the family while he provides other services? i assume you meant financially. that is not the only provision a family needs, and tradition-be-damned, there is no reason why familial duties have to be sorted by gender.

g

One important reason it's divided by gender is that men can't breastfeed, & there is absolutely no doubt that formula feeding is a very poor substitute for breastfeeding. Currently the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding for one year minimum with no upper limit, while the World Health Organization recommends 2 years, also with no "mandatory" weaning age as breast milk continues to have health benefits at age 5 or older.

Also, pumping at work is huge pain in the butt & many working moms have trouble maintaining a full supply. It really is so much more work.

@Carin my mother was ill when i was an infant and she had to take medications that would've gone into her breast milk. she had to wean me early. formula was a GREAT substitute for tainted breast milk. besides, not everyone CAN breastfeed.

g

@genessa Of course there are cases like yours & formula can indeed be a life saver! I hope everything turned out OK for your mom.

But, in almost all cases, women can breastfeed their kids with the right information & support. Otherwise our species would be extinct. We are mammals & that's what mammals do.

@Carin i really don't know the percentage of moms who breastfeed. i think if you can't afford a roof over your head without both parents working, and the mom's workplace doesn't allow the mom to bring the infant and breastfeed onsite, then the mom has a tough choice to make. i am not by any means against breastfeeding but i am against judging people for making decisions they feel are right or necessary.

g

@genessa The percent of mothers who initiate breastfeeding in the US is, I believe, at least 65%... It's illegal for workplaces to forbid breastfeeding or pumping. In fact they are required to provide a private place that's NOT a bathroom for a mom to nurse or pump during breaks. Sadly, some moms are reluctant to demand these rights for fear of being fired. Also consider that breastfeeding is pretty much free, & saves on doctor visits & missed work for the parent bringing the baby in. Formula isn't cheap & some babies need more expensive kinds too. I do think we might be getting a bit off topic though...

@Carin quite possibly! and of course this is only one situation in which a family might make a certain choice in terms of who financially supports whom. i have not been in the work force for ages, and i've never been pregnant, so i don't know what workplaces are like for breastfeeding women. i imagine if a women is a lineman or a bus driver, things are going to be a little iffy in terms of breastfeeding!

g

4

Depends on so many variables.
The burden of providing for the family usually needs to be shared between the couple..unless one salary is large enough to cover everything..then one of the couple may not need to work full-time or at all..especially if there are young children to look after.

Over all for me, I consider the main responsibility for taking care of my family rests with me. And that's fine by me.

4

If he doesn't do housework or child care full time then yes. Otherwise it's a 50/50 partnership.

4

Everyone involved is responsible. NO one should be allowed to create humans until they are financially able to support them..

We were financially autonomous and could have done it. Many people in my program are married with children. A woman even gave birth, but then dropped out. Three men had babies and are still in the program. My son is 9, much easier than handling newborns.

It can be done. But it takes commitment on both sides.

Divorce, suicide, depression rates are very high in anesthesia school though. That’s also true. But it’s not financially irresponsible to join the program after marriage.

@Lucignolo what does 'the program' mean?

3

I was a stay at home dad for over 9 months. At the time my wife had a much better job so I took care of the house and everything and even brought the baby to her office for lunchtime feeding. After a while she decided she didn't like that arrangement and she stayed home and I went back on a roof. Over the years positions changed. I ended up with a really good job and that allowed her to have a job with a lot of flexibility when the girls needed to be run around. but house work was always a team effort. She did the laundry just because she didn't like the way I did it. But we would both shop and cook and clean and do yard work. It was a solid partnership, while it lasted.

@Tattooed_Jim Thanks for sharing. Would you be ok sharing what happened? Did you guys end up divorcing?

@Lucignolo We did, but it was not over shared work for the family. We still do that very well together. We just grew apart and that ended up being the better option. We were able to work it out with no bad feelings on either side.

3

A married couple has the joint responsibility to provide for their family. The notion that the "provider" is always the man and means only providing the income the family is out of date on many levels, not to mention the consideration of same sex couples. Major family responsibilities include income (of course) but the other half of that equation has always also been home support of providing housekeeping, cooking, laundry, and all the aspects of raising kids, transportation, and logistics of the family. Today the two people responsible for a family must divide up those responsibilities up in ways that work for that family based the preferences, strengths, and weaknesses of each of those two people. Determining which tasks each person takes based only on gender is extremely limiting and entirely unnecessary. Do what works best for the specific family and traditional roles are fine if that's what works best for you. For my wife and I with two kids: I was the "provider" for 10 years them my wife was the provider for 10 years, then we shared being providers and home makers for about 14 years. Now our kids are grown with their own families and we share being retired. So far- so good!

OCJoe Level 6 Aug 23, 2018
3

It's the adults responsibility to provide for their family.

Acceptable forms of adults providing:

  1. Husband/Father only
  2. Wife/Mother only
  3. Husband/Father and Wife/Mother
  4. Husband/Father and Husband/Father
  5. Wife/Mother and Wife/Mother
  6. Adult child
  7. Adult children
  8. Society

Not acceptable forms of adults proiding:

  1. Nobody
3

Yes, the wife as well. She should also provide to husband and family. It is a responsibility one accepts as a parent and per the fiduciary contract of the marriage license.

3

I use to run things at my house. Lawn mowers weed eaters chain saws etc.

3

No

Hihi Level 6 Aug 8, 2018
3

I think both men and women need to make sure they have a middle class earnings potential.
It’s not a man thing. It’s not a woman thing.

Myah Level 6 Aug 7, 2018
3

It's not a duty, it's my pleasure ?.

3

My opinion is that everyone needs to contribute. It costs "$600/week to send a child to a daycare in Baltimore where he won't get beaten up." At that point it just makes sense for a parent who is only making minimum wage to stay home with the kid to avoid this expense.

3

In this day and age it is the need and responsibilities for all parties to contribute to the family well being. You are working for your future to provide a better life for you and your son. Why isn't your ex getting off her ass and working for her kid? Stay the course, it will be better for you in the long run. When you are in a better place you can contribute to your kid.

2

Men have a duty to contribute. Same for women....one sided relationships tend to be short lived - from what I've seen anyway.

2

If both partners are contributing in whatever way they can, does it really matter?

In my opinion, it doesn’t and it shouldn’t

@Lucignolo
The days of 'Grog make fire, It's A make food' are beyond outdated.

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