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Happily single—or not?

I know there are plenty of single people in this community, but I’m curious to know how happy everyone is about being single.
For instance I’m happily single, because I treasure my time alone and my freedom. However, I sometimes miss having a partner to share my day with.
What do you like/not like about being single?

RoadGoddess 7 Jan 19

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25

I miss the intimacy, the sex and having someone to share with.

24

I've enjoyed being single for going on 5 years now. I got to know myself really well, focus on things I want to do and be, and haven't had to argue or worry about or be questioned by another person, and vice versa. The bed is ALL MINE. I can watch or do whatever I want any time without friction. And I've been able to heal from the damage I have endured.
That being said, it's a very selfish life I now live. I find it hard to make room for someone else, and in fact feel burdened by people in my space. I want this to change. I need to demolish this wall I have built but can not figure out how to do it. I trust no one. It feels like men don't want to get to know and build friendship and partnerships with women anymore. There's too much hook up factor and I am nobody's booty call.
I want to love someone again, and I want to be loved. But I have had this chance to realize what I really want, and I'm starting to lose faith it exists. I have a hard exterior and even if I dig you, I won't let it show.. I didn't used to be that way at all.
Anyway, point is, yes single is (was) great, but like some of the other commenters have said, it would be nice to share life's burdens with someone else. Even if that burden is just that I am freezing my ass off and I need snuggles to keep warm. Life is lonely enough without shutting everyone out, I am beginning to understand.. It's a high mountain to climb, and when you climb alone, it can be very lonely.
Over and out 😛

Well said MM. Well defined. I guess we know when it's time to give it up. For me, I definitely have the selfish thing going. Divorced 3 years ago. Been in relationships steady for about 25 years. Working my ass off to carry the load in 2 marriages. You lose yourself.
This whole selfishness thing still fits me.

@MiniMags I have this house to myself and I've invited only about 25 people to it in the last 18 years (excluding workers). I love my freedom, privacy, solitude, etc, and I never feel lonely (though I know I'm alone). I DO get out of the house a lot for many different events. Yes, it's selfish, but I'm willing to share with a compatible woman-partner.

I don't have the trust issues you expressed, and I'm really sorry you have them. Skepticism and being careful, yes. But if you like someone, I think you need to allow him to know it somehow = maybe even at the end of a date telling him that you'd like to see him again? But don't wait for that phone call - SO many people aren't honest/forthright back. But you'll get that call from one of them.

"And I've been able to heal from the damage I have endured." @minimags

This. This right here. I am still healing. Not sure what or where I want to be, so I still am healing. But this last 4 years has been the refiners flame, and in hindsight nothing better could have happened.

very honest and vulnerable answer. I think I would have said much the same. Love the freedom, but miss the company. Melissa Etheridge- "Company" is perfect.

Sometimes you simply have to face your fears and anxiety to get past them.

9

I have been single and living alone for 50 years and every second of it has been by choice. I am a loner and an introvert and prefer to be by myself most of the time, but I enjoy spending time with a woman when I have the opportunity to do so. I think all of us long time single people (male and female) miss the intimacy shared with another person from time to time, however I would not trade my single lifestyle for it. I catch as catch can and am happy and content with it that way.

8

I'm happy being single...but I could be happier if I had that special someone. What I miss most is cooking for two...I get so lazy about cooking for one. I miss getting foot rubs and giving long massages.

Nena Level 6 Jan 19, 2018
6

Happily single and contentedly planning to stay that way. I've had my fill.

I'm not under the illusion that I know how I'm always going to feel about things in the future, but I've done the math on this one. Based on past experiences, my likelihood of meeting someone who interests me even a little is vanishingly small.

And that suits me just fine because I'm not interested in going through that song and dance anymore. I don't feel like anything is missing.

I'm actually quite pleased.

6

Hell yeah! Okay, I guess I should elaborate a little. I revel in having my own space, and never being asked, "what's for dinner?", "where's
the (insert any item here)?".
Being in a relationship does have it's upside, but having been single for as long as I have been now, I'm reluctant to invest in what
usually turns out to be an exercise in disappointment. Perhaps I've become cynical, but I'm at the point where I'm happier living my own life and making my own choices without having to consider how someone else is going to react to what I choose to do.
That might make me selfish, but I think I've earned the right. I might be alone, but I am hardly ever lonely. Besides, who needs to be
lonely when I've got all you crazy fuckers to keep me entertained?

4

I just broke up with girlfriend last weekend. Because I want to be single? Probably more like seeking something better.....a better fit. If I never find her, I'm OK with that.
Anyway, i didn't see a future with her and the Thrill Was Gone.....so much for the present.

But this breaking up thing gets old. Either I'm dumping, or getting ignored.

Honestly.......I'd like to try a celibate relationship. Get to know each other. Set some boundaries. Become friends 1st. Romance. Sweetness. ......That'd be different.

Yes.....I'm looking for something new.

Why did I share all that?

twill Level 7 Jan 19, 2018
4

Pretty happily single. 🙂 I do believe I work better in a relationship, when I am in one, but I am also equally content to be alone. I rather enjoy my own company and I keep myself pretty busy so I feel I do not want for anything, even as a singleton. I am a-okay either way. 😉

Sadoi Level 7 Jan 19, 2018
4

Know how to be alone, no rule say I have to like it.

3

I'm of the generation that was conditioned to believe that marriage for women was the only way to prove your worth. And, unfortunately, I bought the message. I felt that I wasn't valuable unless someone loved me. I had to learn to love myself and that took longer than I'd hoped. Along the way I had a very successful career and a wonderful daughter. And also two short marriages. When the last one walked out I realized that I would never again allow someone to complain about a mess they'd made and I hadn't cleaned up. I would never again modify my wants and needs and pleasures to fit with someone who didn't value me as I deserved to be valued. I miss being in love -- but having really never had what I would consider a healthy, loving relationship with someone else, I'll settle for a loving relationship with myself. At my age it's highly unlikely I will ever be in another relationship which sometimes makes me sad. But on the other hand I love being able to plan for myself, be as messy as I wish, stay up all night and sleep all day, let the dog on the furniture, and drink champagne whenever I want. I feel sorry for the men who didn't realize or recognize all I have to offer. But it's their loss. I have a wonderful life.

3

I’ve been single, both happily and not for as long as anyone here id wager. At first, and I’d say about half the time overall, I’ve been able to look on the bright side and enjoy my freedom, but increasingly the unhappy aspects have been tormenting me with thoughts like “what if it’s always going to be this way?” Or “by the time you find a partner you’ll be too old to enjoy it.” I enjoy doing what I want, when I want and spending my money on delicious food and herb; I miss having a female best friend, a family, any sense of domesticity, intimacy, normalcy, or help in my life. Still haven’t entirely learned to love myself when no one else does to be honest. The isolation has beaten a lot of imagination, hopes and dreams out of me but it hasn’t hardened my heart yet. I still tend to fall in love too quickly to my own peril, but I’d rather be the open hearted lonely fool than the ingrateful, emotionally unavailable sort of guy that seems to get endless chances to disappoint women. Everyone should spend a few years single to figure out who they are, but when those few years turn into a decade + it kinda sucks, not gonna lie.

What are you waiting on brother?

@RoadGoddess so are you a traveling sales professional? Just curious. There are lots of ways to be lonely. I never found that marriage alone changed that. I think a lot of it is what is in us...

Oh ignore that you are a cyclist and writing instructor. I misunderstood

@RoadGoddess that's actually why I am on this website. I am married but still feel lonely at times. I am trying to get to the emotional root of it. I know it's not my partners "fault". It's in my mind about a sense of fulfillment . I have to figure out what I am missing , not her issues. It's my issue.

@RoadGoddess that's actually why I am on this website. I am married but still feel lonely at times. I am trying to get to the emotional root of it. I know it's not my partners "fault". It's in my mind about a sense of fulfillment . I have to figure out what I am missing , not her issues. It's my issue.

@RoadGoddess ...you are so right, I have been working on it for years. I make slow progress.....I was certain decades ago, if but I believed in god, I would feel different. Thats funny. I may not figure it our, but will continue the journey. I think many people blame their spouses for their not being fulfilled. Its all inside.

Thank you for writing.

@Bigwavedave I’m waiting on someone to feel half as fondly toward me as I do her. No luck so far but can’t force it. I’m just naturally shy, don’t meet single women very often, there’s very few rational people in my area to begin with and I spent most of the last decade tryin to take care of my grandma. Now I’m restoring a zombie house that my dad wrecked. So yeah not many things in my life have favored making a great impression when trying to bring a lady into it.

@Wurlitzer I understand ...maybe a suggestion is to allot time to meeting people....maybe all your time has been spent on projects and others . Probably because its safer there. If you see some seeds out there , I believe stuff will grow.

Sounds honest and thoughtful.

I'd wager I have a few more decades of living alone under my belt (with the exception of almost a decade with a lovely woman I tried (and failed) to save) and have made the following observations:

Only accept someone who equally appreciates your contributions to any relationship.

It is much better to live alone then with someone that is not worth your time.

Living alone (the prospect of) can be a totally acceptable life outcome. I have witnessed many relationships crash and burn and find life for the most part rewarding living alone.

Time is a one way hallway and you can't walk backwards to open the door of opportunity that you have walked past.

On a happy side note: My grandfather after his second wife died found a wonderful woman when he was in his 80's they kissed, held hands, - - kind of like a High School crush. They were both happy. It only ended when her grand children convinced her that she was living in sin because her dead husband would not approve because he was waiting for her in heaven with Jesus.

3

I truly value my alone time and my general ability to choose when I am with people or when I am not...This creates issues when dating but I still choose it over a full time relationship, which makes me wriggle away until I feel comfortable again...lol

I was married for 49yrs.My wife passed away in Dec.2017. I wouldn't have mist one day of our life.But I know how you feel about want time for yourself, and have someone to talk to and spend time with them and then, wiggle away.Have no commitments, but be able to enjoy the time your together.You have a great smile.

3

I was single for 15 years. It was great to wake up on the weekend, drink a cup of coffee and decide "I'm going to the mountains", or "I'm going for a run, or a ride" and not having to discuss it, or make sure my wife didn't make different plans. I was happy most of that time. With that said, I was always looking for someone when I was single. It was never any fun (for me) eating alone, or going to a movie alone. Some things are better shared. I enjoy being married, but for different reasons than I enjoyed being single. I never have to look for a dinner date, or a movie date. I have one built in. They both have their pluses.

3

I've been a widower for 2 years and I really miss everything about her. Making love whenever we wanted, we were very compatible in that way. Being able to talk things over and share each others thoughts and ideas. Being able to touch one another and I loved walking up to her and putting my arms around her and kissing her on her neck. We were sensual, sexual, and very much in love even after 49 years. When we were apart I would hurry to wherever she was because I couldn't wait to see her. And it was still exciting when I did see her. I think that is what love is all about. I miss her but I have to go on and that is what she would have wanted. I still have lots of love and passion and would like to share it with the right woman. Happily single? Everyone has made very relevant points about being happily single however I think it would be hard to say no if the right one comes into your life.

3

Every day I am amazed with the incredible life I have. I'm trying to treasure every moment. Being single and completely free to do what I want is part of that. I'd like to have someone in my life to share some of my favorite activities, but if it doesn't happen these will still have been some of the most amazing years.

3

I'm loving it! No one to pickup after, no piles of dishes left in the sink. I only need 1 package of t.p per month..family packs of meat lasts a month as well..And I can have over Whom ever I damn well please!..

3

I'm a widower coming up on 2 yrs next month Just starting to accept it and get on with my life without feeling guilty. I never realized how much guilt and shame is associated with the grieving process. I'd like to start dating but a serious relationship? Oh no, I don't think so. I guess that makes me unhappily single but content to stay that way

2

You can be as lonely in a marriage as you can be when you are single... eh? I think that's just part of the equation. .

I was much lonlier married than I am now.

@Minta79 That is a common observation I have heard from many women who were married to an inferior partner.

@NoMagicCookie lol arent you a charmer....

2

I'm pretty happy with being single.

I've learnt that if I can’t find one person to fulfil all my needs it’s quite a good thing to get each of my needs from many different people.

I have a lot of diverse friends of both sexes who I have so much fun with. They all have different likes and dislikes and I call on different friends for different things. It’s not 100% but seems closer than a lot of couples I know.

I feel very lucky to have the friends I have. I have loads of gay friends I go clubbing with. Cultured friends for the Opera, museums etc. Rich friends who’ll take me to fancy restaurants. Clever friends I can put the world to rights with. Informed friends who’ll tell me what’s going on in the world. Geeky friends to talk tech. Nerdy friends to watch Sci-Fi movies with etc. Romantic friends for picnics and stately homes and sexy friends for cuddles and stuff.

If I could find someone who could fulfil all of those things and more… but being a couple is probably more to do with wanting the same things in life etc.

I’m pretty happy with the way things are but I’m always up for adding more people and experiences to my life.

2

I'm single but in a relationship whihc is very loose and suits us both we complement each other and care for each other in our own ways .

2

Better now alone. You know I do respect and love myself for the first time in a long time. Always worried about other's comfort and well being. Now I'm finally looking out for me. Feels different but good. Yes I missed the tntimacy, companionship, conversations, having children and small things of loving. Holding hands, sharing a tender moment, compairing notes on books, shows and any number of things. But most of all I miss growning children. Just love children. It was the best part of my 3 marriages. I'm superclose with my daughter and cherish everyday I can share with her, her visions, life and loves too. Believe it or not at 66 I want to have another child. Natural or Adopted...But to find the mate who'll complete this family is the biggest challenge. Most people my age just are thorough with having and raising children. So finding a woman who would even consider raising another child is the real obstacle... Who knows...where there is desire there is fulfillment.

2

I'm single and content, but I wouldn't say happy! I've been in great and miserable relationships and everything in between. To me, the beauty of a relationship is seeing the world through the eyes of someone I love and respect. When I look at something, I know what I see (like the scene in Chevy Chase's "Vacation" when he sees the Grand Canyon and goes "yep, OK ..." When your partner sees something completely different, experiences take on a new meaning. I don't want to own a woman, as such, or limit her sensual/sexual experiences solely to me, but in my experience having a partner with whom to build trust, belonging, an element of security, a sense of purpose gives me that sense of wellbeing that I would call "happiness." Still searching for my soul mate.

2

Happily determinedly single. I would never choose to live with another person again. I occasionally miss having someone to cook for but as for sharing living quarters? The thought makes me shudder! And if ever approached by a person seeking a relationship, I quickly explain that I am seriously ACE and ARO and what those terms mean.

2

Mostly. But, my friends often joke that I'll never be in a relationship again. And even I figure sometimes:
Really, all ya need is someone to come over to hang out with, cook dinner with, and do something sexual with 4 days a weeks.
Kinda bums me out sometimes.

2

Hi roadgoddess ( like your name) I truly belive being single and happy is a sign of personal growth , strength and acceptance in you are you and not to be manipulated or controlled by a dominating control freak partner. I’m told there is someone for everyone, maybe there is. I’ve walked down the isle, among other major mistakes in my life. Truly though, being single is hand down better than a partner whose wrong for you. I hope to meet “ a soul mate” but am not holding my breath. If you are happy single. Then don’t settle for mr wrong. Stay happy. And keep your batteries handy lol.

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