If he has all the other qualities you seek, does it matter if he believes or doubts? If he can’t twll you why he favors a particular sports team, do you get upset? It’s not necessary for people to be mirror images to be happy.

I consider myself an agnostic atheist. Your description of him sounds like a doubting theist of some sort. I don't actually agree with the earlier comment that he will probably return to Christianity. What is that assumption based on? I started out quite Evangelical and eventually threw it out. My main advice to you, for what its worth, is to check your own thoughts about what these conversations are all about. If you are seeking eventually to pull into perfect theological agreement as a couple, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. And that isn't necessary. Most couples who care enough to have honest personal opinions will maintain some individual differences. So long as he is no fundamentalist trying to beat you over the head with his religious views, there is room for some dialogue. Try thinking of "God" when he says it as his word for the organizing forces that run the universe. Suggest to him that if there is a god, it must not care that much about making sure we know it with certainty, because it would have convinced us easily, that is, if this god is all-powerful. And if it is all-knowing, it would also understand why we doubt. If is is love, it would absolutely never make billions of humans, make us as limited in understanding as we are, and then torture us for eternity for being as we were made. It is proof the Christian conception of God is impossible. The best any of us can do with our lives is try to live them well, connect with others in some healthy, constructive way, and learn some wisdom. Maybe your boyfriend will come around to realizing that his god is actually physics. ????

Human life is finite and knowledge is probably infinite. We all have premises we accept as fact and premises that we consider to be fallacies that we do not do the mental work on. It might not be important to him to tear down all his theistic beliefs, even if they don't have the foundation of faith. It's kind of how I grew up learning that Pluto was a planet and I accept that it's not anymore, but I don't care enough to understand why. If I accidentally refer to Pluto as a planet and you correct me, I'll just shrug you off, not because I disagree, but because it's not important to me. I think some converts fall into that way of seeing things.

Based on how you're responding to other posts, it sounds like this is not central to the relationship, but you are struggling with your own identity as an atheist. I don't mean to downplay whatever is happening with you and your boyfriend, but you may want to consider how firm you are in your belief and your identity and make sure he respects that. Being an atheist trapped in a sea of theists can make you a little defensive, so I'd advise you to see if the issue is hitting other buttons. If he respects and validates your identity and you do the same for him, you don't have to agree.

It sounds as though he's either a lapsed Christian, or an agnostic held up by a feeling that he -should- believe in the god he grew up with. I would be curious to know what he thinks about the existence of other gods. I would also be curious to know how one of your conversations goes if you bring into it an agnostic who truly believes that the existence of god or gods is unknown and probably unknowable.

If he really is agnostic, I imagine he'll give the existence of other gods serious thought, and eventually shed his lingering theism. If he's really a Christian, I imagine he'll reject the possible existence of other gods, which might actually strengthen his Christianity.

as in everything with a long term relationship compromise is key: by both parties

I try and take a position of acceptance of other's beliefs - I do not try and change their points of view and let them know that they won't likely change mine. You should not have to explain or support your views on an ongoing basis. There is a point where the relationship may break down as he needs to have the same respect for your points of view. You both need to accept that neither of you, nor anyone else, will ever see or interpret the worth through each of your sets of eyes - its not about right or wrong, because neither of you is right in each the other's POV, It is about accepting the truth of what each other believes. If either of you press and try to change the other, someone will be "wrong" and it will lead to ether a break up, or one of you falsely accepting the other's beliefs or bottling up the acceptance and hiding your real thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. That is not healthy.

The bible is a terrible guide 2 anything. As far as our origin n shit...I certainly think beings can evolve to higher forms...its just a matter of time. Why fret over it...if humanity has a purpose, its 2 insure and promote the biodiversity of evolution. Everything else right now is a serious waste of life anyway.

Base on what you have discussed, He does not show an Agnostic's way of thinking. The only advice I can suggest is, understand him. Talk to him directly that, he is not suppose to think like that if he is agnostic. Tell him straight. Besides, Agnosticism is a branch and a doctrine of Philosophy. I do not want to to sound edgy but If he thinks without logic, criticism and without questioning, maybe he does not know the nature of Agnosticism, not to offend but he maybe just a self proclaimed "Agnostic".

If faith is the opposite of reason and people are bound to possess some combination or percentage of the two, then focus on that similarity. It seems to me the trick is not to get hung up on things that the percentage of difference is minimal. I try to think of views on this topic as personal, when they leave the personal realm they don't function very well. On that note the things we tell ourselves have been shaped by the confluence of our openness to the experiences when they occur, he just hasn't had the effective motivation to change a conviction. Horses can be lead to water, blah blah blah. My suggestion would be to consider your own narrative and whether it's suiting you or the relationship, as that you can assuredly change if you so desire. You can ask and hope for it, but expecting others to change is generally a death sentence for relationships.

if he's not religious ask him why he cares if there's a creator? if there is something that would be capable of comprehending the entirety of the universe, it would have no regard for us, let alone provide us with an 'afterlife' or teachings.

and if the bible is such a good guide to life why did god waste the first 5 of 10 commandments screaming me, me!, me!, me!, me!, and not banning slavery.

in the end, he's a Christian saying he's agnostic to be with you, you should take it as a compliment, you make a man deny his faith in spite of himself.

Movement from being an agnostic toward atheism is largely a matter of courage and maturity. Over time most agnostics finally get the courage to admit that they are atheists. Don't argue, but ask questions which allow the person to clarify their own thoughts. Give him time and space. He will get there.

Be aware that he is a cult survivor and will probably always have a pull toward the cult's belief system, and he will be struggling to live an authentic life. It's good he has a loving partner who can gently listen to his feelings and cheer him on as he recovers. If he decides to go back to the brainwashers, get couples counseling quickly before they convince him he doesn't need it! If he continues his healthy recovery, the two of you can play some fun games once in a while, like "who got guilted the most?" as you swap horror stories of mind and life control. Or marvel together at how much fun you are having now that you are free of dogma restraints, right?

Sounds to me like he is a Christian but wants to pitch being an agnostic so he can "hang out" with you. But hey, in addition to being an atheist, I am also a skeptic, and half the time, a complete a-hole.

It sounds like he isn't agnostic so much as just a flat out christian.. If he makes his arguments without reason or logic.. then there is no way to have those discussions. You can try to influence him with examples of the horrid actions/inactions of his god, but that may easily become hostile. You're best bet is to avoid the topic.. anything else will just continue to be salt in the wound. (Divorced a theist)

I think you have to make a choice, if you love him and wish to continue the relationship, you will have to basicly just avoid the subject. The alternative will be continued pointless arguements that will never go anywhere because he will not be open to reason given his stated position. I hope you can resolve this within yourself because the only person who can affect this is you, as it appears that his mind is closed.

From what I can see, what you are frustrated about is not the question of existence of god/ creator, but his unscientific thinking method. If you can accept that aspect of him, there might be a future; if not, don't waste your time on trying to change him, only if a person wanted to change and opened to reasoned discussion can he change.

If he's important to you and you want him in your life in the near and far future, agree to disagree but keep an open mind that he just may be swayed somewhere down the road due to something you said that sparked his fancy.

There will always be disagreements with people we get close to. It would be boring if we were all the same. Some find it easier to end a question they can not answer with god which ends their curiosity. An atheist wants to know more and as long as there is a question an investigation continues. He should be able to believe anything he wants, if that makes him comfortable, as should you. Unless he challenges you about it, let it be. If he does he has to give you equal time. Ask him what books he has read that he would like you to read on this subject. Read it in return that he read one of your books and discuss your findings. The Illusion of God might be a good start for him.

As long as he is fine with you being an atheist, what is there to cope with? Maybe you have a problem with his apparent lack of intellectual thought that makes his arguments rather childish.

Yikes, not sure I could maintain a level of respect for someone that I was in love with that poses such arguments. They seem immature and ill-prepared.
Maybe don't have these discussions unless you are planning to procreate?

As long as you to respect each other that's all that matters have some cool discussions.

It's one thing to get into a good debate about these issues. But once it starts turning into an argument or causes disruptions in your normal day to day lifestyle, then its time to look at your priorities on what matters most. Even non theists buck heads to a degree on things.. not everyone is going to feel the same way so you may need to just agree to disagree on some of these issues. It's tough coming out of a cult based background like your BF. He was misguided & those ways of thinking brainwashed him so its going to take time. Question is, are you invested enough to take the time to either accept it or is vice versa. Just some things to think about.

I am married to a religious wife (Christian) for the past 18 years. Our marriage survived my loss of religion and I do attribute that to the fact that we are deeply in love. We chose not discuss issues with the intent of exposing fallacies. I already know what she believes and she understands my lack of belief. There is no need to try to make the other unhappy because we chose not to base our relationship on religion and instead focus on every other factor that we do have common ground on. This has allowed us to both be happy. Whenever questions come up, it is with the express understanding that the person asking only wants clarity on the issue and nothing more. I support her going to church and tithing. Fortunately we never had children so the issue of raising children with or without religion has never come up. I would suggest that you also focus your relationship on what you have in common. Don't try to change each others minds, instead try to understand what the other thinks. You don't have to agree with them, but it will let you also find out if they are honest and if you are truly compatible for the long run.

I had a friend who said he was agnostic and I am pretty hardcore atheist. Truth be told just liked to argue for the sake of argument, and now we haven’t spoken in several years although we had been friends for years. My wife is Catholic and we have been together for 21 years. We get along fine and love each other very muchj. We talk a bit about religion but know where to draw the line. Argument or discussion should entail listening as well as talking, asking and answering questions equally. You both should be able to really open up and honestly express yourselves and that will be easier if you both start out on a level playing field but honestly it sounds that he still has a lot of baggage that he’s reluctant to dispose of. I am acquainted with a lady who has been out of the Witnesses for thirty years but can’t get her life together because she just holds on to beliefs, although she doesn’t seem to recognize them. You need to be honest with yourself as a one-sided relationship is worse than no relationship at all. You are the only one that has to make the decision. Good luck.

you can be both, logically incongruent, begging the question, black or white, loaded question