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What matters most in a potential spouse?

Be realistic and honest are things like wealth more essential to you for a happy future than, looks/personality/charisma, etc.?

paul1967 8 Oct 9
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4

i am engaged to a person who has no more money than i do, which is none. we both have health problems; we're not looking forward to a happy future. he is handsome to me but i realize he isn't handsome to the world. his alzheimer's is robbing him of his personality. charisma? ha! so why are we engaged? because we LOVE each other.

g

@genessa That is sweet.

I had already been dating my wife a couple years when I learned that that dementia ran thru the women in her family-her grandmother and then her mother-but I married her anyway and we had 12 good years before the dementia hit her. She then died about five years after that, two years ago. I can't recommend it for everybody because it's a lot of suffering to experience, both theirs and yours, but I don't regret staying with the relationship. It changes you forever. I'm done grieving but I still miss her and get very discouraged that I will ever find another partner.

genessa- You are so strong and kind to hang with your man. I hope you and him maybe have some friends or family who can emotionally support both of you and help out some as I know from experience that both of you are gonna need it.

@TomMcGiverin we really don't, alas. but... we do the best we can! thanks for the good thoughts, though.

g

@genessa Sorry to hear that. My family didn't help much, but our friends sure did. That's why I consider my friends to be my real family, which they have been for my adult life.

@TomMcGiverin it often works out that way. there was a time this would be true for me too, but my surviving friends are far-flung.

g

@genessa Sorry to hear that. My friends almost all live in my local area and that's the reason why I won't relocate for love even tho I would really like to have a partner again, because I need to have both a partner and some friends. Also, at my age it's hard to make a new bunch of friends if I relocated and then where would I be if I lost the relationship? Having to move back here, and I've already done enough moving to last a lifetime.

@TomMcGiverin oh tell me about it! i am the one who is far-flung lol, not necessarily my friends. but the result is the same.

g

2

Honesty would be the most important asset at this time in my life. (Obviously still recovering from a dishonest partner.)

1

Honest, kindness, and a fun sense of humor.
I've had money. Didn't really make the relationship worth much.
It's ideal he's handsome (to me), and we enjoy each other

1

I honestly believe a great, dark twisted sense of humor is what I look for, I'm not super materialistic, although money is important for a comfortable existence wealth not all that important, looks less important than a rapier wit and intelligence

1

Personality is much more important than wealth or I wouldn't have gotten divorced. Considering the cost of divorce, I think that is the case for many.

1

Communication and fairness. Oh and not being batshit crazy kinda top my list! Money? No just help out a little. Looks? Eh, as long as I'm not turned off during sex. Personality? Such a broad and long topic. So many relationships are different, as long as we get along.

1

Most important is easy:

-An exceptionally high level of intellect. Smart gets better with age.

-Close second but also essential: She seeks the right answer, rather than seeking to be right.

These two characteristics in your partner and your life will be interesting every day and you will seldom, if ever argue.

5

The answer will be different for everyone....some things that are important can't even be put into words.
BTW, even if you find "the perfect person", there is still no guarantee for a happy future. Life happens.

0

I want to be with a person who is compatible - who shares my background and interests, etc.

You've been gone for a while, so here's some info in case the website has changed since then.

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If you want to date, the website uses profile algorithms to find member matches, so the more details one includes, the better the match.

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Points are now being given to level 3+ members who chat. You can see chat rooms on the group main page.

Thank You. That was helpful.

3

Someone who gets and appreciates me....not who they want me to be. Wealth is good but not necessary....just sayin'. 😀 And looks. They are important too and health insurance and a car and not living on the street's, and ....oh shit...no wonder I am still single 😕

LMAO

2

Who needs a spouse anyway?

1

Financial security is one of the things I look for in a potential mate. Not the most important of course. Sincerity, honesty, intelligence, physical compatibility, non drug user, non smoker, mutual respect are some of the other things.

2

Wealth as defined by me..a wealth of humor, of smarts, of empathy...most importantly .
Eyes that are Alive...

0

To be honest, it's not one thing, rather all of the above.
I have to admit that looks to have some weight, but, intelligence, sense of humor, personality etc. go a long way as well.

1

Looks not so important although I do have a "type". Politics very important. Money..not so important but must have means because I can't support him financially. Be kind...be smart...be funny. My ideal i suppose is someone i can talk to for hours and we make each other think...make each laugh...and then have great sex and fall asleep in each others arms.

0

Compassion,calm demeanor,easy going,not argumentative,simple needs.

0

Personality, compassion, empathy, and love. Physical attraction is a smaller piece of the equation as I grow older. Shared interest and values are kind of important also.

0

Physical attraction is the trigger without it I wouldn't start a relationship. If the goal is a "living together" type relationship many factors play a role.

0

A mutual attraction.
Similar life outlooks.
Not necessarily wanting marriage.
Willing to put up with each others faults and imperfections.
Love of animals.

Don't most Women want marriage? If there's children does,it not legitimizes them?

@Mike1947 If she notices my age, she'll understand.

@Mike1947 I don't think anyone worries about legitimate anymore.

@Mike1947 I don't know about most women, but I know I have no intention of ever getting married again.

0

Loving each other everyday your together, and missing each other when your apart.

3

It's personal preferences. I wouldn't date a non athletic person since I'm athletic. I also wouldn't date a believer nor a conservative because I would have to practice restraint on the daily from putting a pillow over his face when he slept.

0

Honesty and good communication.

6

Compassion and empathy. All good things flow from those, and the details work themselves out from there.

2

Yes. All things being honest, at this point in my life, I need a sugar daddy!

Della Level 6 Oct 9, 2018

That was rather tongue in cheek! Lol! What matters most to me is integrity.

1

In a word (possibly two words), common decency 🙂

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