Don’t do it. It’s a trap.

I don't think that there is one recipe. I think there are many because people are so different. They all have some of the same ingredients though, love, respect, honesty, and humor. IMO

"The" recipe? Ha!

My first marriage failed because I was a stupid religious idealist whose entire idea of mate selection was to "marry a good Christian girl". Trouble was, she wasn't so good. Also had serious mental health issues. Eventually diagnosed as schizophrenic with borderline personality disorder.

So that's how NOT to do it.

As to how TO do it ... my 2nd wife died and I'm on #3 and to be honest I'm not sure I have it figured out even now. I'm introverted, heady, and sub-clinically, borderline on the spectrum as they say, so I don't always "get" people's social cues and unspoken messages. Belatedly, now that I really know myself, and the downsides of marriage, I think I probably never should have married or had kids. Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't have done it. I am comfortable in my own skin, and have very modest social needs, and can enjoy life without having to "share" it with someone.

But ... you don't know that until you do. When you're 20 or 25 or 30 you just don't want to miss out on this thing they sing all these lovely ballads about. It MUST be wonderful, and you MUST be missing out.

Fortunately my current wife is unusually good at knowing her own sh_t and not putting it on others, myself included. We're getting old, unwanted drama is down to a dull roar, kids all out of the nest, we have a lot of common interests and needs, etc. So it's almost surely more painful to change that situation than not to.

But no, I can't give you a Magic Pill that you can take so you can have a successful marriage. That means different things to different people, and gets negotiated differently by different couples. All the stuff they tell you in those how-too articles is true, for some given value of true -- understand that marriage requires considerable commitment and effort, communicate clearly to the point of discomfort, be the person you want to be with, yadda-yadda. The devil is always in the details.

Bottom line for me is that if you think in any way, shape or form that marriage is going to "make" you happy, solve your problems, and/or be easy, then you have no clue. Marriage has a way of just giving you more of whatever you already have. So if you're an unhappy, anxious person, marriage -- to literally anyone -- after a brief period of infatuation, is just going to make you MORE unhappy and anxious.

So figure out how to be happy, calm, centered, confident -- that's job one. By yourself. Without any sort of training wheels. Then find someone who has done the same thing.

That's about the best I can offer you.

I've seen couples miserably together for many years. I don't think of that as success i guess.

the real thing? a friendship/partnership of support, trust, tolerance, and sharing.

Haven't you heard? "The family that prays together, stays together". It couldn't be more simple.

Marry someone who shares your sense of humor and weirdness. Marry someone who has strengths that match your weaknesses. It worked for 14 wonderful years

I remember a book I read as a teen — and I'll be damned if I can remember the title, the author, or much of anything of substance about the plot — about a computer programmer who was developing a space war game. The game mirrors the main conflict of the book somewhat, in that the way to win the game is to decline to play — i.e., don't engage in the first place, and you'll thrive. I think that's the answer to a successful marriage, too.

Personal relationships are the most difficult thing, people change over time, and not always in the same directions.
Personally I think Marriage is antiquated. I think it should be reserved STRICTLY for the religions which endorse it. In society it should be civil unions all around, AND
MANDATORY SHAGGING CONTRACTS, which every person shaggin enters into, by default, upon shagging. Such a contract is BINDING, and from it you MUST pay all neccessary means for any child care which results from said event.
WALA, no deadbeat dodging parents.

THERE IS NO RECIPIE, it is individual as we are individual, what works for couple A, might demolish couple B.

for my dad it was pineapple upside down cake they have been married 64 years

Fuck if I know, married twice and divorced twice

The recipe for a successful marriage is treating each other with dignity, respect, and caring -- along with shared values and similar levels of intelligence.

The ingredients are , loyalty, empathy,honesty ,love and being able to compromise and admit if you are wrong

Homemade Shrimp Scampi and Fettuccine Alfredo. You can't be mad at each other after a really heart felt, loving, from scratch meal! There are a number of homemade soup recipes that would suffice as well. Food is love!

I don't know, I guess acceptance and compromise would be main ingredients.

Drinking..alot

Fucked if I know as I've lived with about 4 women and stupidly married 2 of them yet here I am living on my own.

Getting married prior to maybe the 1950’s.

Live in seperate towns?

Give each other flowers on your fiftieth anniversary. Repeat every year after that until death do you part.

I have two ex wives so I don't have an answer for that one. Seriously though I know many married couples but I don't know any that are happy about it.

Someone who's willing to put into it as much as you. It's not 50-50. Both of you have to be all in.

Love.... Not a good reason, what usually happens is two strangers meet have sex, begin a pseudo relationship, more like a social companionship with Kink. Then fall victim to social convention. Either an unfortunate pregnancy shows up and they are told to " Do the right thing" or someone realizes "We've been together for months/years everyone else is getting married, we have to get married also." Then two strangers that should have never gotten married get married, and fuckery ensues.
It is my understanding that a marriage is s partnership, both defensive(I got your back) and supportive. Unfortunate that most people don't marry the person they did marry, they want the person they wish they had met, set unrealistic expectations, try to change their partner to something more to their liking. Now both are fighting a war on two fronts, day-to-day living and their unsatisfied partner. Not a recipe that works.
I prefer a relationship based in fidelity, trust, respect, and genuine compassion (passion, sex, and love "Eros" are nice but not a requirement).
Fidelity is a basic principle, that both partners want to be in a relationship with each other. Trust is not only earned by the individual, it must, by necessity, be given to the partnership. Genuine compassion places the needs and well-being of the other first.
True love, is a state of being, where the welfare and happiness of my partner is paramount to my own happiness and well-being. Having stuck to my guns, and not settling for convenience or compromising my Ideals, has kept me from victimizing myself and others. Having said that, I suggest:

1. Budget your luxuries first. Nothing destroys domestic felicity like futile disputes over debt.
2. Buy her, her own desk, and keep your hands off of it.
3. (For men) If you are in an argument, and discover that you are right, apologize immediately.
4. (For women) Don't bother him with details, especially about the past..
5. Have a sense of humor, nothing is as bad as it seems right now.

Hope someone finds this useful.

We are human, Forgive, forget and move on. Don't try to change your partner. Allow them the space to change on their own in ways whether you like it or not. let him/her grow and flourish.. Be kind, never be petty or selfish. Do what you want also. You should never feel caged or inhibited. Respect each other. Enjoy each other. Be there for each other. Put your foot down only when you really mean it and feel you have to (very rarely) otherwise you will just be perceived as being bitchy and not taken seriously.

Love and communication.

Marriage researcher, psychologist John Gottman, and his colleagues followed 130 newlywed couples for six years to find what marriages succeeded, and why.

Turns out, happy, stable marriages had one thing in common: The husband was willing to accept his wife's influence. In contrast, when husbands responded to their wives' complaints by stonewalling or belittling them, the marriage was almost sure to fail: More than four-fifths of those relationships — 81 percent — fell apart.

Gottman, John M., and Nan Silver. (1999). “Principle 4: Let Your Partner Influence You,” in The Seven Principles for Making Marriages Work (Chapter Six, 100-127). New York: Three Rivers Press (Random House, Inc.).