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2

Don't join the Navy buy Microsoft stock and bet the METS win the World Series

11

You don't owe the world a goddamn thing.

how are you doing?

11

I don't know for sure, but I'm pretty sure my 18-year-old self wouldn't listen.

10

Buy Apple stocks as soon as they are issued.

December 12, 1980

7
  1. Put education first no matter what.

  2. Don't let others dictate on how you should live your life.

3.Don't listen to gossip. Remember when you are not around, you will be the subject of gossip.

  1. Put up healthy boundaries and enforce as needed.

  2. Stay away from toxic people.

7

You are in for some crazy good times, and stop smoking imediately.

7

Do NOT get married. EVER.
Don't worry about what others say about you.
Stand up yourself, regardless of who you're dealing with.
No job is worth tolerating any kind of harassment.
On December 12, 1980, take all the money you have and BUY APPLE.

6

Stay in shape.

6

Just because someone falls in love with you, doesn't mean you have to let them guilt you into taking over your life. It's okay to say "no thank you."

Also, when a relationship turns sour, it's okay to trust your gut and leave. The sooner the better, especially if there is abuse. If he smacks you around, leave as soon as possible. It does not get better, and you do deserve better. It is far better to be alone than to be stuck in an abusive or controlling relationship.

If you know how you want to live your life, cut out the people who keep you from it, and just live your life. Just because there is an expectation in our society that everyone needs to be paired up, doesn't mean everyone has to. Live your life how you want to.

6

"It gets better."

6

Stop! Smoking! Immediately! You! Little! Idiot!

5

I’d need to have that talk with my seventeen year old self. USE BIRTH CONTROL!!!!!!!

5

Don't focus on getting married. It won't make you happy and lead nowhere. Love yourself before trying to love others. Go back to school, quit your parent's cult, study and work hard.

5
  1. You aren't as hideous as they make you feel.
  2. Take the comp sci courses. It's not as hard as you think.
5

"Have a seat, 18yr old me. We need to talk"

"Here?"

"Yes, there is fine."

"Bitchin'."

"Now...18yr old me, you're going to make about a dozen good decisions in your life. All the rest will be shit. Don't be so stupid."

"I'm not stupid!"

"Yes, you are and you're also going to be bald by the time you reach 40 so be ready for that."

"No way, dude! Not gonna happen. Hey, will I get laid a lot?"

"You'll have sex with your girlfriends, a few one-nighters and eventually your wife."

"Awesoooome!"

"But you'll fuck that up too. She's gonna divorce you"

"Pffft! Her loss."

"Yours too. It's gonna hurt like hell."

"I'll get another one. Me likey the ladies, dude!"

"You'll be in your 50s. It's a lot harder than it'll be in your prime."

"Old dude, you don't know me. I got it all covered. Your problems are YOUR problems. Don't make em' mine. Now, I gotta go. There's this new thing starting called MTV and I wanna check it out. Later, oldtimer!."

,,,annnnd SCENE!


I told you he was stupid.

That is the funniest - and most accurate (therefore also the scariest) scenario I've ever read. You absolutely nailed it..... 😉

@Lavergne Why thank you. I'll be turning this into a one-man play and taking it on the road next Spring. Bring your friends.

5
  1. The major sports winners for the next 20 years
  2. Pay attention in school
  3. Don't marry her
  4. Work your way into Trump's inner circle, get him drunk a lot, roll over hard to Mueller, wait past Comey
5

Dont date him, girl

5

Spend more time and energy and focus on developing my skills, talents , passions, discipline, etc.

5

Relax

Frankie say...

5

Don't wait a couple more years, leave your family now and escape and grow up. You will be more suited for college later.

5

Do Not Get Married. Ever!

5

Live your life the way YOU want to live and strive to do or cause no harm.

4

Skip the Cisco courses and don't marry the blonde you met in illinois.

4

Don't marry Tim.

I have felt the same way at times but realized if I had not married (Margaret) I would not have my daughter and I would have missed an extremely valuable lesson. Marrying her was both the worst thing and the best thing that happened.

4

I'd tell her to maximize opportunities and stop slamming doors in her own face. I'd tell her that life is short and love is precious. I'd say to have more sex with more people. I'd say you're stronger than you know and you're going to need it all, but it will be worth it in the end.

4

Document everything, but also invest in a shredder.

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