Men don't get hints and can't read a woman's body language. Or understand a woman's tone of voice. They misread something and don't do what you want them to do. Why do you have to spell it out for them? Women pick up on hints, body language, and can read into what someone wants, even if they don't come right out and say it. That is why some people fail in relationships, because of the miscommunication. Women have to state the obvious, and sometimes they don't even understand that! My friend with benefits didn't remember I wanted b-day sex. I had planned on coming over, I talked about it. He didn't pick up my saying things of coming over. I told him a long time ago too. So I packed night meds, did my hair, put nice clothing on, got my coat out, etc... All for him to bring me some food at my place. I appreciate the food though. This is the 2nd birthday without b-day sex and it sucks. I had a bad day and I want to go to bed soon so I can have my day off tomorrow. 3rd b-day in a row that was bad. Good night.
Why can't women just say it or make the first move then? I have misread signals in the past and I'm very cautious these days. Some girls are so confused that they will be giving out false signals. It's better to just ask directly and avoid ambiguity in communication. I simply don't know why humans, an animal with an organised speech, would rather pretend and be giving signals instead of asking directly. Why are we shy to talk about sensual things?
Im a straight up kind of a girl, If I want/like/need something I will tell you, If I don't like something I will tell you, and I expect the same from the other person male or female. I do not do hints and head fucks. Be straight up with me and I will be straight up with you. I might pick up on your hints and body language but I can't be bothered with that, Tell me what you want tell me what you need.
If you want me tell me, If I want you I will tell you. BOOM easy.
I don't do stuff like that. If I want something done, I just come out and say it, I don't play games and expect someone to read my mind. I can't read others minds either. If someone wants something from me, just tell me. That to me is just silly little games children would play.
I have found that when women "read" men's minds, they are usually really wrong (though we may go along with it because we don't want the hassle). As for us reading a women's mind, we know we will most certainly be wrong! .... sometimes with horrific results. For Christ's sake, just assume we are stupid and tell us! I know it is unromantic, but not nearly as much as an argument over something we have no idea of.
A lot of people here have made the point that maybe the person just doesnt8want what you want. That's entirely possible. I'd like to add the possibility that maybe your friend with benefits doesn't like being played. Some people don't like being manipulated. If i catch even the slightest whiff of someone trying to manipulate me into doing something they want (which is EXTREMELY passive aggressive on their part) I will dig in my heels and go mule-stubborn and start spraying Go-fuck-yourself like a hlitter-bomb made of hate. That shit will get EVERYWHERE. The thing is, what they want me to do might be something I would happily do if asked, but the fact that they tried to manipulate me with hints and signs and not so subtle prodding will put me off it immediately.
The thing is, having someone in your life who can read you is great... they're observant and attentive to you, but that's a gift. If you want something, say something. Maybe you get it, maybe you don't, but eithervway you can have some pride in the fact that you tried, rather than manipulated and just hoped you got what you wanted. Just my tuppence.
At first I thought I was on your side then I read on and got confused.
a). Friends with benefits is a no strings arrangement.
b). " I told him a long time ago" both told and a longtime ago are worrying. Did you remind him?
c). He came round to your place, why didn't you initiate something then and there?
I might expect understanding of hints and body language during the act, who wants to give step by step instructions (exceptions made for the young who don't know any better, I'm a good teacher) but depends what you call a hint when it comes to getting to that point. My hints tend to be as subtle as a ten pound sledgehammer, things like "I'd love to have a look at your etchings.", "Do you fancy a horizontal tango?', "Would you like to play naked twister?", "I'd like to get to know you in the biblical sense."(OK, I'm an atheist but I still know what that means) or "What about making the beast with two backs?". Now if someone doesn't get my drift then I just write them off as not interested or thick, but by the sound of if you are expecting telepathy and that level of understanding is rare indeed.
It's that brain thing...the man wants to protect and the women wants to be protected. Something carried over from 'cave man' days! The rub comes, adapting to this civilized society! We are cultured now, but still have some 'cave people', still in our DNA. It does appear that we have not evolved to mindreading yet! So if you need something other than protection, you are going to have to spell it out!
I just think no one is a mind reader. When I am interested in a women, I tell them directly, leaving no room for discrepancies, and I tell them once. I come off really strong but I don’t want to waste everyone’s time and energy, and I refuse to harass and nag, it’s desperate and wasteful. The more hoops I need to jump through, the less interested I am. I only make enough effort to meet halfway, if I’m not met, I can safely assume the other is uninterested.
Nothing like making your intentions clear#! Who wants to guess? Is it that difficult for you to verbalize your wants? Why make it difficult? Not ALL men need direction and are clueless as you put it, some have partners who ARENT CLEAR and like drama. I guarantee you that if you make your intentions clear without any gray areas you would be amazed how your relationships would prosper.