Agnostic.com

63 10

Weird?

So I went on a date with this guy and he told me that since by the age of 35 I had never been married and never had any kids that “people” would think there is something “wrong” with me. He was from the Deep South so I took that into account. Has anyone else ever been told that or does anyone agree with this thinking?

Susalou 4 Feb 20

Post a comment Reply Add Photo

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

63 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

10

I don't agree with it at all. I got married at 22 and had kids when I was 24 and 26. Obviously I wouldn't wish my kids away, but I do hope they wait to get married and have children of their own. BUT, on the flip side, I'll only be 45 when my youngest graduates, so there's that.

I'll be 42 when my youngest graduates from high school! I tease my friends who did things the "right" way that I will get to enjoy my 40' s like they did their 20' s -and I'll have more money to do it!

@Aimleft more money and you're much wiser now that you were 20 years ago.

8

Was he also a fat shamer? Tell you what you Should want to eat or drink? Tell you what movie you will like/must see?
Same mentality, get your self-confidence into question, then move in....and you WILL BE SO GRATEFUL HE RESCUED YOU! Riiiiggghhhhhhttt..........

7

I got married at 18, son born day after my 20th, divorced at 26 and done raising him by 39. I'm very happy with the way I did things and glad my son has chosen a different path.

7

He's a dolt..

7

I would politely tell someone with those beliefs that you beg to differ (if you're so inclined) and politely end the date. Swaying them is a waste of time, it's been deeply ingrained and usually would require a frontal lobotomy to get them to think otherwise (and I hear tell those are frowned upon.)

Gohan Level 7 Feb 20, 2018
6

I think that you are probably just smarter than "the average bear"
Quote from the old yogi bear cartoons.. lol

6

People can and do have very weird thoughts indeed. Fortunately they can easily be ignored.

6

The spinster theory, I'm not buying into his thought, how we see ourselves is the important thing.

5

Guess you just have higher standards than those from the Deep South. Lol.
Oh wait a minute! I'm from the Deep South!

5

I wonder if by his definition, something wrong might cover being gay. I've been divorced a long time and didn't have kids, and about the only thing I've heard close to this is some sideways remark that I don't like women. Ugh. Anyway, I wouldn't think there's anything wrong with you. I kind of wish I had never gotten married in my youth, or more to the point that I had been more particular and selective.

4

I've never been told that, nor do I agree with it. I live in the Deep South though, and there are lots of weird things people think and say.
The father of a friend once told me that since I was an educated woman, I had an obligation to have children. I thought that was weird.

4

Yeah, I'd delete that guy's phone number right now. Dating many/most southern men are sort of like dating many foreigners..they are mostly totally patriarchal, and usually looking to upgrade socially, i.e. from broke trailer trash to an educated woman with an income.

I was married two weeks before I turned 20 yrs old, to an old MK (missionary kid) friend I'd known in Haiti since I was eight years old, and my brother's best friend. I only married him because we'd been pen pals for a few years, then dated in college, but only after I made him promise he'd never propose, since I couldn't say "no" to a pal (I didn't know at the time I'm partially transmale, with an active "bro" code), something I'd observed about myself, but didn't know why.

I didn't have my son until I was 27, and my daughter when I was 30.

4

My gosh! Well I ever venture into the deep south of America, they are all going think I am super crazy! lol. I can just imagine it... I would have so much fun with them. mwahaha.
Anyway Ignore the silly man, and do what makes YOU happy 😉

Sacha Level 7 Feb 20, 2018
4

Where did you find this moron? I hope you at least ate well; you earned it! (oh, and to hell with "people".) Smile! Spring is on its way. Hell, giggle.

4

Dunno if he meant it in a negative way but i think its more that if people hear you are single and 35 they will assume theres a reason why its that way and usually they will assume its a negative reason. Kind of like if you see someone jobless after a certain age you assume they either aren't trying to get a job or can't because they did something to where nobody wants to hire them, instead of assuming they were able to get along without working because they already made alot of money or that they inherited money or something.

Well there are reasons that in single and no kids. I don't really like kids and I haven't had time to date since I've been working on my masters and career. I see those as good reasons though.

@Susalou Grad school in what where?

3

That was the only date. His comment was really surprising to me. I've been focusing on my education and career and also I don't want kids.

I wanna give you a mom hug. I'm so sorry that moron made you question anything. Read my comment above. If you don't want kids, oh please do not have them. Kids are tough on a person and relationships. And costly little buggers too. If you were a man no one would blink twice that you focused on your career and education. You go girl, be strong. You're better than any of the naysayers.

3

No, in the deep south that's not considered weird at all. Ah, Dixie...the land of lovely barefoot and pregnant women! Like going to church, is just somethin' yer s'posed ta dew.

I grew up only as "deep" as SC and that was the mentality there too. As such, I'm proud they call me weird!

Ugh, I really want to move to SC after my youngest graduates. I've lived in MN all my live and I can't take the cold anymore. I'm so worried about moving "south" though because of the conservativeness.

I'd only suggest the beaches, Columbia or Charleston. Generally, the more rural you get in SC, the more conservative it is...but then Greenville was a large city (for SC) and very conservative.

Generally, the further south you go the more conservative it gets. Outside (and hidden within) the largest cities of Florida it's a conservative cesspool...it's where conservatives form all over the US go to retire.

2

I find that many people’s judgements have more to do with how they feel about themselves and their own choices than they have to do with the person they’re talking about.

You’re doing your life just fine.

2

Getting married young havng babies early. etc. etc. when people makes those kind of statements I see it as their way of showing you their controlling nature as they are devaluing you in their search for bargain basement whatever...eat well and leave the check for this type of neanderthal then go home alone.

Phin Level 6 Mar 18, 2018
2

That's pretty rude.

CatV Level 3 Feb 21, 2018
2

he's full of bulls milk. it's not until you're 40 that people think that.

2

It ain't you, it's him and his outmoded mindset. This is the way I think, and I'm 60 and escaped from that mentality long ago. My dear, you are P E R F E C T. Tell that moron to go fuck himself. The only thing "wrong" with you is that you were true to yourself and didn't jump on the "got to get married" bandwagon. You know who you are and what you want. You are a complete person just the way your are.

2

I do not agree with that line of thinking at all. I have however, also faced the same criticism. "You've never been married? What's wrong with you?" I think I'm going to start replying with "You've been divorced? What's wrong with you?"

d_day Level 7 Feb 20, 2018

Well, I sorta responded that way.

2

When and old brain neighbor asked me why I married "so late" (39 y/o) I told her "" Because I didn't want to be a servant like you and you daughters.."" lol

BTW, I married a guy who was the perfect partner.

Ha! That's great.

2

What's weird is when people think you should be some cookie-cutter copy of everyone else. It's scary that anyone would be so limited that it would never occur to him that you may not care what anyone else thinks.

JimG Level 8 Feb 20, 2018
Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:26835
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.