Agnostic.com

32 10

Does or has anyone really felt they fit in?

I saw this in another post and I thought really no one fits in, or at least none of us who understand that we have choices in our beliefs have. Is this what makes us individuals?

I have never felt that I fit in, never. When I was young my brothers and sisters used to tell me I was adopted, to be sure that I was not part of the family (which is not true), then at school, it was always feeling out of it because I was not a sports person or whatever and later in life because I didn't believe in theology, that I never got married, that I was a single mom, that I went into a male dominated field, that I am over weight, or have gray hair, etc.

I am okay with not fitting in now, as I see it there is no 'in' to fit into.

How about you?

Akfishlady 8 Feb 23
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

32 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

9

Finally, YES!...in these later years, I feel as if I fit in! But, it seemed to come as a result of my accepting myself as I truely feel...that I am! No hopefully young attractive looks to get me acceptance. No special talent that stands out! No, bending over backwards so as not to offend people. I am just an older person now, that believes that I have a purpose to give away whatever wisdom that I have aquired. And, give up trying to please anybody but myself, in matters of living (some people will criticize us, for not letting them criticize us)! It is a wonderful feelings to accept yourself...warts and ALL!

8

It matters NOT to me whether I "fit in" or not. I am that I am and am happy to be. However, I have always felt that I did not "fit in" in this world.

7

Well said. The thing that generally seems to be forgotten is the differences of all of we humans. Even within groups there are no two people exactly alike.

7

Whether or not I feel that I 'fit in' very much depends on the context. Like you, at school I was never interested in sports, although in later years I developed a passion for skiing, a solo experience. If I think about the 'far in people' and the 'far out' people, I smile these days if only for the simple reason that both groups could not exist without the other and it would seem that they need each other to justify their perceptions and way of life.

6

I have never felt as though I fit in either. However, it has never really bothered me. I think that is a common occurance with introverts because our culture is biased toward extroverts.

That is a most interesting observation. Years ago a good friend predicted loneliness (being alone) will be the most common state because technology has reduced the physical need to be with people to do your work exchange information etc. His prediction (from decades ago) implies the need to be extroverted will be diminished. I wonder if that bias has or will be diminished over time.

6

I’m always proud when someone calls me weird. Individualism is really important to me.

You're weird.

Thank you@Condor5

@RandyMoose my pleasure.

5

I know I don't fit in. It doesnt bother me any more now like it used to in High School. It would be nice to be around more misfits

@Akfishlady it is a blessing.If not for this I would be totally solo

4

Never in my life. Used to want to with a desperation bordering on madnesss. It is amazing how long it took me to just accept myself. Turns out, I actually like me. At least, most of the time.

I remember that desperation. And being frozen to do anything about it. I'm still frozen. But sitting alone at night on my couch doesn't sting the way it used to. Not always

I like me, too, but being "socially awkward" is a difficult existence. Society definitely disapproves of the concept.

4

I agree, there is no IN to fit in. Life is not one size fits all or even most. I've always always always been a bit off kilter and I learned to like it. I've always tended to be introverted, i grew up poor but I didn't realize how poor we were. What does a kid know, we always had food and clothes, just not much of the extras. I couldn't wait to get out of my small town, which is why I joined the Army after HS. Talk about going into a male dominated field. I almost always was larger than average. Plus being smart and a smart ass. I'd usually have a book with me and the things I liked to do were pretty solitary. Sewing is not a hobby to share. Somewhere along the line I figured out I liked being me and screw anyone who can't handle that. I tried to fit in sometimes, and just decided it is way too much effort. Take me as I am or leave me alone.

liked a lot - feisty woman !

me too fuck being a sheep

4

OK, I have never fitted in, almost no friends at primary or high school or at work.
I get on with people at work, but never seem them outside, they socialise, but not with me.
I have a prickly exterior I think.
My family mostly sux, but my younger brother just laughs and says, "at least you were adopted, they are related to me!"
I raised him, we are close, but even he admits that the family rejects me.

4

I was a bit the same way. But now, people want to fit in with me. Ah, how life has changed.

4

I was just discussing that last night with my someone special to me that I always saw myself as special and different since a child so not fitting in never bothered me because it meant I was true to what I was and was more important to me than being boxed or molded into something I may not like. You mentioned Choices. We are the product of our choices. If it don't fit so be it. I was the last one of 7 to get married, last one to have kids. Despite being number 5 of 7. When I got married my mother said... finally, I was worried about you. There were too many girlfriends. It was being Normal to Me. Be True to Yourself.

3

It's far less important than it used to be, but it's a good feeling when it happens; only speaking of my own experience, now. I enjoy feeling that I'm comfortable enough with a collection, however odd, of other human beings, as temporary as that may last. But, I'm also very comfortable with my own company.

3

I would have been okay with just "not fitting in"--I prefer it, actually: I keep to myself, do my own thing, stay low, and you ignore me. My dream.

But I couldn't get away with that--no, there was always some kind of spotlight on me. People couldn't leave me alone. Wanting to stay outside the system and be left alone is undoubtedly part of it.

TL;DR: For me, fitting in isn't the problem; standing out is.

I am 'INFJ' (per your bio) each time I have tested!

3

No, I tried so hard too, now I do my own thing.

2

I never really felt like I fit in. I'm originally from Poland and moved to the States 12 years ago. I've assimilated here pretty well, but I am still the "other" in many ways since my upbringing is different than that of the people around me. And on the other hand, being here changed me enough to no longer feel Polish when I visit back home. So I am stuck in the middle somewhere, belonging neither here nor there. But what makes it sweet is when I do connect with someone on many levels. I have a few such people in my life and their friendship and presence are invaluable because of how rare that kind of connection happens to me.

2

Seems like every time I have felt like I fit in, someone not-so-politely reminds me that I don't. I just try not to think about that now.

2

I have always had friends in overlapping circles, and I can easily associate with all of them on some level, but none of them on all levels. I enjoy the diversity, so it works for me, but I do feel like an outsider quite a bit, as a side effect, and end up being more of an observer quite a bit of the time.

2

I have my moments

2

The only time I ever felt I fit in was when I was stationed in W. Germany in the Army. After that I didn't really care if I fit in or not, even more so now that 32 years have passed since that time.
If you don't like me, I don't care. I feel I've been alone the vast majority of my life, I don't need to fit in.

2

I've long since stopped caring and thinking about it. Didn't fit in much when I was younger anywhere, and by early 20s I Just did my own thing and went about life. Wherever I do fit in, it is a result of people wanting me involved.

1

Sometimes I can fool myself that I fit in. always felt alienation but it means I can see things more objectively. events and interactions can appear absurd. It gives me a somewhat unique perspective on life.

1

I'd have to say overall for the majority of my life, no.

1

Never been a follower always stay on the outside but, friendly, social etc I do not conform to others expectations that is what makes me an individual.

1

Fitting in is important, whether we like it or not. Maslow's hierarchy of needs seems pretty valid to me. Everyone identifies with some group, even if it is the group who don't fit in. It is very important to me to maintain connections and seek community. It's healthy.

jeffy Level 7 Feb 24, 2018
Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:28065
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.