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My 12-yo daughter revealed to me yesterday that she’s gay. Should I...

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Jesusluvsu 6 Mar 2
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70 comments

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1

I actually had a similar discussion with my children, and I told them there is nothing that would ever make me love them any less than I ever did. I don' t care who they love, who ever they love I will love too, because they love them. I will be their rock and their protector, I will be their champion, their Mama bear, and I will lay down my life protecting them.

EXACTLY

22

She's your daughter, all you need to say is that you love, respect, support, and protect her and she'll love you for being the best dad in the world. 🙂

Betty Level 7 Mar 2, 2018
19

A loving parent does not wait to see who their kids sleep with to determine if they should continue to love them...and love demands complete acceptance.

18

To tell her anything else other than 'you will always love her no matter what' and you will drive ger away.

17

Dude, you seriously better be joking (and I think you are). If your first reaction was anything less than immediate acceptance, you lose 10 points. You can still get B+ for telling her right now that you completely love and accept her no matter what, and you my be able to earn some points back with extra credit over time, but the longer the delay, the bigger the damage.

10 points, really? This feels like a start back at 0 sorta situation.

@Roadster 10 points for "anything less than immediate acceptance" which means still a positive reaction, just a minor delay. A negative reaction would go well into the F range, and immediate disowning accompanied by kicking her out instantly with nothing but the clothes on her back would get a zero (and some parents do that). The only reason a whole day delay could go for s little as a 10 point loss is with stellar acceptance the very next day, and only some points could ever be regained - ever - is with chronic full acceptance of her, full trust in her choice of partners - meaning even if you don't like one of her girlfriends in the future even because you think she is abusive to her - you lost the right to object in any way for any reason, and can only approach with reminders of how wonderful and valuable you know your daughter to be, reminding her she doesn't ever deserve anything less than being treated lovingly and with respect, and that no matter how old she gets, you will always be there for her in any way she needs because she is your daughter, and you love her more than she could ever know. This isn't even an option though for anyone starting off with an F. An F-starter could only say most of the above but substitute "more than she could ever know" for loves her very much, or loves here more every year... because she will never forget being rejected when she put her trust in him, so she will always believe there is a limit.

16

Tell her you love and support her and then love and support her.

I have a friend whose 14 year old just came out to her as a transguy. She's doing a lot of research to see what she can do. I suggested looking into PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays).

Source:
15

The last option has me picturing a field of majestic wild gays frolicking among the wildflowers lol

"Go...be free! Be with your own kind!" You say as you tear up, releasing your child to join the herd.

OMG you’re hilarious

And the award for best comment goes to;.....

12

I wish that my family would have accepted me at age 10 when I knew I was bisexual. Instead they did indeed try to pray and exorcise the demons out of me. It was pure hell being held down by 4 full grown men as the entire church gathered around and yelled at the so called demons inside of me. I, to this day, don't do well in crowds. Kudos to you for accepting your daughter for who she is and loving her just the same.

I want to say how sad, that makes me feel...to know that you were faced with such distorted treatment. You were just being 'a child person!'

@Freedompath thank you for caring.

"There's nothing more dangerous than ignorance in action"

@ashortbeauty That is just plain abuse by narcissistic power freaks. I hope what they did does not taint you now. Bless you for being you and this is not a religous pun.

I'm sorry that you went through that. I hope that you've healed from their abuse. Big hug.

@ashortbeauty Sorry you went through that. Years ago I was in those same sort of churches. It had to have been a bad experience.

10

Congratulations!

10

I've got something in my eye. Should I flush it out with saline, or would battery acid be better?

8

My 12 year old came out to me in September as lesbian and then a little while later as nonbinary. They advocated for themselves by sending thoughtful emails to all their teachers about their new chosen name and to their choir teacher to ask permission to wear the boy's suit for concerts.

They are so much happier for having done so, even though there are kids that are mean, they have a strong support system in school and they go to therapy (related to anxiety, not because they are confused). The therapist is lgbt friendly and they have a weekly support group for lgbt kids and their parents.

It will all be ok.

Just love them as they are.

8

You already know what you will do, so do it. 🙂

7

I wanted to hit everyone of those buttons because I am an awful person, but since I could only hit one, I hit the one that should apply to almost any occasion, unless she says she likes Ryan Seacrest. Then we do the other three options in succession.

7

Thank her for trusting you enough to share this tremendous knowledge. Don't be surprised if this status changes a few more times, but love and approve of her actions, no matter what.

6

I would encourage her to explore her feelings. I would encourage her to be patient withherself. True love is hard to find whomever it is.

That is one of the reasons I liked the movie "Call Me By Your Name" and hope it wins the Oscar for best picture. It showed that parents can be supporting and truly loving without judgment when the relationship is gay.

6

These poll options are only in jest, I hope. No matter who she likes, nothing has changed about her. This is who she's always been, even if she wasn't/isn't entirely certain, she's just now feeling brave and trusting enough to tell you about it.

6

I have a sister that's gay, she's still my sister and I love her.

4

Honor her, and love her. However, she's young, she may change her mind, and if she does: honor her, and love her.

4

My daughter (now 20) is gay and ace. I just reinforce that I love her and hope she meets someone who fits into her life if/as she wants.

Zster Level 8 Mar 2, 2018
4

Cute poll. I'm guessing you're a wonderful dad. Good job!

4

im amazed your even asking such a thing you caveman. what are you talking about? ive never heard of a gay family. you sound religious.

obviously, i am stupid or you ask stupid questions smarty pants. yawn

Satire or not, I found it in very poor taste.

very poor but some people just can't help themselves

@Hugh Hugh, you DID pose the question as a serious request for input.

Yes, your poll answers were "satire," but I think MOST people here did not take the ENTIRE original post as satire.

Therefore, in my not-so-humble opinion, you are out of line going off on people because they didn't "get your satire."

4

Just be her dad, and tell her you love her. Just try to imagine how much courage it
took for her to tell you. Also, try to imagine the level of trust she's just shown you.
She believes in your love for her, enough that she took what may be one of the
biggest risks of her life, by coming out. Do the right thing, be her dad, and love
each other. Compared with some of the other things that life can throw at you, this
is small potatoes.

4

Just in case this was supposed to be a joke of some kind ... the area I live in has attitudes just like the "outlandish" ones you mock here. Given the trump "presidency" and other outlandish things of the present I would hope you understand why I find it harder and harder to remember which thing is actually satire.

i don't think satire belonged in this conversation.

4

What decision this will come down to between the 2 of you is do you love your daughter unconditionally and accept her choice. A child s is a precious part of yourself to lose. I had 2 daughters. My oldest was ill and had not told me. She called me the night she chose to die and ask me to visit. I sad be right there. End stage liver failure, but i knew she had taken somethings. She refused me and an ambulance. She was married to a drunk who beat her, but she wouldn't leave him. I stayed with her until she ask me to leave and found her the the next morning. Her Sister, Father, and I would gladly have her back lesbian.My youngest daughter was her best friend. I am glad she is safe now, but I sure do miss her.

my story.no joke. wish it was. we bought them nice mobile home or they would have been homeless. Her husband was a 2 case a day drunk. He lost a leg because of diabetes, diet, and drinking. i told a very simple version. Wendy, my daughter lost her only son coming home to dinner from Walmart. Joe was 19 and in his senior year. He was her perfect child. Her daughter Brittany picked up her father's gene's and is a 32 yr old paranoid schizophrenic. Her dad had it, his mother, and his grandmother for sure. These people I knew well enough. Brittany, Wendy's 32 yr old daughter does not see her father. That is most of the rest of the story except that I spent 18 months in shock, kind of like a zombie. Then I woke up and I cried, and cried and sometimes still do.

3

Teenages are commiting suicide because they are gay, and you decide to marginalize it? Sorry dude, I don't find this very funny.

3

You ask what should you?...
First of all support her, now (not reflected in your post) and later,
Secure the support of her family and friends and, most importantly, of her peers.
Give her the tools. Check out the OWL program [en.wikipedia.org]

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