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30 8

It has been a very gloomy birthday. Both weatherwise and in sentiment. I ponder the meaning of life and ask why do people even remember or place importance on birthdays. I am not happy that I am getting older in the confines of time. It just means more health isses and more loneliness. What is the point of looking forward? What is the point of celebrating when you don't feel like celebrating? Quite literally I survive merely to fight for human dignity in life. The right to medical care, the right to food and water. The right to love who they love and their right to believe or not believe in a deity. I know these are daunting but noble causes yet I feel quite unsatisfied and depressed. I hope you all find happiness as it has escaped me for so long.

Ceaselessmind 7 Mar 10
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11

Hang in there bro. I do understand and agree mostly with what you are saying. Life ebbs and flows and nothing lasts forever. I wish you well and success in finding what you are searching for here and in your life.

Yeah!!! What he said!!!!

9

When I was your age, I hadmy best years ahead of me. My most productive time was from the age of 40 - 60 and I loved those times and the friendships they afforded. Even at the age of 81 and with increasing health concerns, I do not feel the malaise you express.

I feel I really came into my own in my 50s in a lot of ways, too. And entering my 60s this former conformist is finally to a place where I don't give a flying fish fuck whether someone dislikes me or is offended by my views. It's a nice feeling.

Also, I think I'm really finally to the place where I don't rely on anyone -- even my wife -- to "make me happy". I now do that for myself. And I am ruthless about ejecting people from my life who are unkind, disrespectful, or un-reciprocative. (As a friend of mine mentioned, he used to visit his extended family a couple hundred miles away every month, until he realized they never visited him, even though the roads work in both directions! So he stopped.)

For me, happiness involved stopping always trying too hard and caring too much.

@mordant BRAVO!

@Freedompath Welcome to that place of comfortable integrity.

8

I totally igmore my own birthdays, very few people know when mine is and they are sworn to secrecy. Last year not a single call or comment so I am succeeding. I spent my 18th, 21st, 30th, 40th, and 50th alone, I don't mean just on my own, I never saw or spoke to a single person on those days as I was living away. This year (60) will be no different, there is a Pink concert on and all I know are going away for it. But that is birthdays, normal days are good.

I celebrate the little things every day, my life really only consists of little things. This morning I went out, fed the chickens, boring, but the sun was shining on a fish pond and all the fish were going crazy waiting for food, shimmering in a little light, it has been raining for days. Just noticed, the wind brought down many large bright red passionfruit, so will take them to the people at work tomorrow. Life is actually good.
That said, I don't celebrate anything. The highlight of my day is a beach walk later, no swimming, the beaches are terrible, even muddy after so much rain, but you never know what may have washed up.

These hours and days where we feel down, are still our life and life is all we have and we can make choices on how we spend that time. My ex wife watches TV, even if there is only crap on. She will complain there is only crap on, she could go outside, or go read a book, but she watches TV.
When I feel despondent, I go and do something else, I got for a walk, dig some weeds, make a coffee and read a book, pretty much anyhting that is even slightly more enjoyable than what I was doing.

You've got the right idea. It's the little things in life that bring joy and when you take the time to look you can find plenty of them. Birthdays are milestone markers in life and a celebration, big or small is a way of acknowledging them even if it's walking on the beach in the hope of finding what may have washed up.

I enjoyed your answer. πŸ™‚

8

Happy Birthday, I hope there are at least a few bright spots in your day.

6

Happy Birthday,

Do something nice for yourself even if it's a new book and a cup of coffee. I don't normally celebrate my birthday either but I'm grateful to still have them.

6

Well then, un-happy birthday . There's no law that says you must celebrate the day you were born. I don't always - have to be in the right frame of mind. There may be no point in looking forward, unless you work to change things. You can you know - it's all in your power. But if you believe that's not possible - it won't be. Not saying it's easy either , to change direction, but it's definitely not impossible.

And I'll leave you with this thought : there are so many people who have died already, often way too young before they were barely off the ground in life, that would have given anything to have the privilege of living to be your age, or mine, or older still. Growing old can be a very good thing ...

5

First, I would like to say, you need some kind words today...the birthday may not matter all that much as a day, but your loneliness does. Your picture tells me, that you want to matter to others (and you do), but the most important person that you need to matter to, is yourself! I read your profile, you have interest and dreams, so take matters in your capable hands and make something happen for just you, at this moment! You need some tender loving care for yourself. Then, you can get out with other people and put more adventure into your life. It sounds like you might have a little depression going on? If so, get some walking in...at least 40-50mins.each day. Get out and claim your spot in this life and give to it...what only you have to offer. 'Life is a journey, not a destination.' So where are you in your journey? I care...

I am depressed. I have bipolar disorder. The meds they have domt work. I am on disability for it. Cannabis works but it is still highly illegal here. I try to do something everyday, but I have failed most days recently. I have moments where I cannot see the forest for the trees. I cannot get to a happy place most days. My loneliness has been my companion most of my life. I fight is off and I disavow it but it always returns. I can be in a crowded room and still be the loneliest person there. Not that I just isolate myself away because I don't I go upto people and strike up conversation only to be ignored or turned away. I tried for many years to put myself out there and get into the social sceen. It was expensive. I was robbed and stood up countless times. My compassionate nature and generocity taken and then laughed at and thrown on my face. I am tired of being the clown putting on the show and a smile just to appease others.

@Ceaselessmind then stop being that clown! At least not a clown...to hide behind! Now, if you are using it to bring cheer to others and to yourself...that is worth something! I think that you need to find out from, 'mr self'...if he is trying to buy what he needs from others? Even trying to impress others...will soon backfire, I bet that is not news to you? You deserve all that you desire, because that is what you (we) were made to do. I realize that you have a specific situation that I have not faced, but even I have had to 'claw' my way to 'meaning!' And from what I have studied and observed, a lot of people have faced this delimma! You need to do everything on purpose (with conscious thought) and see where it takes you. AND, don't give up, when you fail, because you will, sometimes! Focus on what supports your nature...And, what will happen in time is... you will find out what does and does not work for YOU. There is someplace that your 'gifts' (your personal attributes), are needed and appreciated. We have a need to give and receive...that is when we are fullfilled. You may not quiet grasp this idea, but as you grow into your 'true' nature...that is where your 'true' strength lies. I wonder if you have read, Rudyard Kipling's poem...'If' ? I kept a copy to refer to...I would find it and put it here, but I am in the middle of that move! Best to you, and keep posting...

5

My 61st birthday is almost here and I don't disagree with your assessment, except that I don't find it depressing. Don't find it thrilling either, but ... I don't know, this isn't exactly unexpected. Life is hard (and sometimes gives you a breather), people often suck (and often don't). Life is not a rational proposition -- it's absurd -- but humor can be found in absurdity too.

But I'm not here to judge or psychoanalyze you. Just to be present and bear witness. I could produce a fairly hair-raising list of Bad Things that have happened to me, that I feel have diminished and exhausted me -- a different list than yours, but ... I partake of the human condition just like you and so we share that at least. I genuinely wish better days ahead for you, and acceptance for the years behind you.

Thank you.

4

Whether we're gay or straight or anything else, connecting is difficult. So is finding happiness, which is somewhere in you, not something you can obtain. Find your happiness, even if it is very small, as others have written. Move where cannabis is legal so you don't have to feel guilty or worry about being arrested. Be with other people, even volunteering in order to think outside yourself. I have found that I recognize goods things when I stop searching for it. Have a good birthday. We on this site are happy you are here and still "here."

4

Happy Birthday! I'm sorry you're so down. I've been there before too. It sucks. There is help though, if you want it. Hang in there, and again, happy birthday

4

Happy Birthday! The future is unknown. You never know what wonderful things
could be coming along. Often when you least expect it.
I wish you well, and hope your future birthdays find you happier and wanting to
celebrate.

4

Humanity is a work in progress. Look back into the history of North America and you can see the progress that has been made. We humans are a complicated lot, we’ll take three steps forward and then a step or two backwards. We make mistakes then take what seems like forever to correct them.

Happiness is a choice and there are so many examples of people who live with chronic pain, debilitating disabilities, and extreme hardships that have chosen to be happy rather than feel sorry for themselves. For others that have a medical condition of depression, many choose to get treatment and find happiness in the little things in life, like cracking a joke that brightens someone’s day or helping a friend carry something that lightens their load. Little things that impact another’s life can bring so much happiness to a life.

Celebrating a birthday well…that’s a personal choice. So I will wish you a Happy Birthday in the hopes that you will see the potential tomorrow. πŸ™‚

Betty Level 7 Mar 10, 2018
3

I am happy , I live simply too, though I am in a good community and there is always a good buzz around the place - sorry you are not getting your needs met- are there sny community groups to join because soemtiems just getting out a bit blows the cobwebs away- I am so looking forward ot being seventy soon I don't know why just its a big number and I am tickled pink by it - I do hope something turns up for you sometime soon.

3

I tend to get very depressed at my birthdays too. It seems like a reminder of how little I've accomplished in life. Not many people even acknowledge my birthday unless they get a reminder from Facebook (which is a bit lame). I can't really remember having a "happy" birthday anytime in my adult life.

I do concur

I wonder, why do you feel you've not accomplished "enough" in life? What would "enough" look like? How would you define it?

In my experience, a lot of human unhappiness comes from what I call living outside your true scope. I regard myself as an ordinary guy doing ordinary things. I am getting old, so at this point in my life, it's an accomplishment just to take a good dump. What am I supposed to do, provide world peace? Today I debugged some code and took out the trash. Mission accomplished. Who says I'm "supposed" to "accomplish" more than that?

@Charles1971...it made me sad, when you posted that you have never had a happy birthday as an adult. Do you have some happy days along the way, I sure hope so? I am not into birthdays, as much as most people. I may give something special to my friends or family, during the year, but I have difficulty remembering their birthdays! I have come to accept it, for what it is...it has nothing to do with my love and affection for any of them! So, from me to you...happy birthday to you, whenever it was!

@mordant Maybe I should have stated that I feel I have not accomplished very much in my life when compared to most people that are around my age. I realize that I will never be financially stable, I'll likely work in a mediocre and boring job until I'm unable to due to age/illness, and I'll likely be alone for the rest of my life. That's what I call not accomplishing enough.

@Freedompath Sure, I have good days sometimes. Most days are dull and unfulfilling but a few aren't. I just can't recall doing anything fun for most of my birthdays. Many birthdays I've worked or just did nothing memorable. But if I stop and think about it there have been a few good ones.

And for the record, my birthday is in August. I'll be turning 47.

@Charles1971 Well ... so what "accomplished enough" looks like is suspiciously like making more money and having more status than you presently do. Sound familiar? Think if you made 10% more that would be enough? 20, 100, 200? There's always "more" you could do.

It looks to me like at least 95% of people lead mediocre boring lives ... and yet not 95% of people are lonely and unhappy. So happiness must not be a function of such things.

My wife's previous / late husband's mother is in her 90s and has had what can only be described as a hardscrabble life that included the death of two of her children. She has always been an inspiration to me because she can be enraptured with the most mundane stuff. All my wife has to do is send her a nice card and she goes on about it for days. In other words she's very present oriented and very oriented to what she has rather than what she doesn't.

It probably sounds trite but these are the things you can reliably control -- your responses, your attitudes, not so much your circumstances. I used to hear this and feel like people were trying to invalidate my feelings or that they were deliberately trying not to understand me. Not so.

I don't like things about my life either. I didn't plan to have three marriages, I planned on one. I planned on way less drama, a lot more good sex and a whole bunch of other stuff I didn't get. But ... I also didn't plan an a heck of a lot of good stuff that came my way either, and if I don't let the disappointments overcome those boons, I can focus on them and get some "juice" from them.

Just my $0.02 plus inflation for what it's worth. Dog knows, on my worst days I'm not terribly happy with life either, so it's not like I'm Tony Robbins or something. I have just managed to unevenly transcend the disappointing aspects of my existence, in part, but shifting my ideas about what should disappoint me and how much. It's something that I can move the needle on. I can't bring back dead people or rewrite the stuff that went awry for me, but I can decide not to be defined by it. I can realize that life owes me nothing and isn't picking on me. Etc.

@mordant So... your advice is essentially "don't worry, be happy".

@Charles1971 Lol well that's what it always seemed like to me until I understood how natural selection has bequeathed us with paying way too much attention to negatives (potential threat to survival, per the primitive brain) and way to little attention to positives (irrelevant to survival). It's the same thing that tricked many of us into theism: assume the moving bush is hiding a predator, run and ask questions later. That resulted in agency inference and the perception of the divine.

This all worked great on the savannah but isn't very useful in urban / technological societies like ours. All I'm saying is that you control what you give attention to and it's almost the only control you have sometimes.

Another factor is that depression, which is pretty rampant in society, is partly a function of not having hope, and not having hope is largely a function of rigid, specific, narrow expectations. It falls to us to adapt to life, not the inverse. [shrug] I don't like it either but at least it has some empirical basis and isn't just Polyanna-ish blue-skying. Just like you'd like to make more money and have more status, I'd like to write my own ticket in life too. I've been poor and I've been flush, and I can tell you after you get past your basic needs being met and not having any particular financial worries, then society pressures you to accumulate stuff you don't need, and if you manage not to succumb to that, it pressures you to have perfect relationships that don't exist, etc. The only one who can put a stop to this is you or I, because reality is like an unmanned steamroller advancing on us. We can jump and scream and object all we want but it is going to just run us over. It's better to jump aboard and enjoy the ride as best we can.

3

I completely wanted to give up birthdays as young as 10. Mothers will not hear of this, naturally. I have not observed my birthday for many decades now.

3

Sounds like you have lots of things to keep you busy. I hope you find a spot of joy... a silly video of a puppy... a really lame joke... something to make you smile! [Wishing you the best - Happy Birthday]

3

Hmm...sounds like you're thinking too much. When that happens, I head outdoors for a hike, turn on music, watch a funny Netflix show, or take herbs that raise the mood. Also, since you're male, it's your role to make the first move..ask women to get a cup of coffee, etc.

I read that CBD oil not only can cure seizures, and other health issues, but it also elevates the mood and is legal most places in the US.

By the way, on my own birthday, I buy myself something expensive I wouldn't usually buy, and treat myself to a special birding trip. For instance, one year I bought myself a sewing machine, another year, a Canon camera upgrade, etc. Since I love to design and sew clothes and bird photography is my main hobby, both gifts contributed to my happiness.

I am gay. So the whole dating thing is screwed for me anyways. I am alos bipolar and cannabis works. Unfortunately its quite illegal here still.

@Ceaselessmind CBD oil is legal, but has many of the same benefits of regular cannabis. Furthermore, everyone has a friend of a friend who knows someone, and tiny amounts of cannabis oil definitely stop depression. As for dating, you can still ask men out, or get on a gay dating app. Tinder, if you just want a quick rendezvous.

I'm an androgyne female and all my life, women have asked me out, even when I thought I was a cis, hetero female (I'm a partial transmale, and demisexual), so gay people definitely can get dates, even when they're not trying.

@Ceaselessmind I know a couple who, on a lark, flew to Denver, rented a car, visited a half dozen cannabis establishments, packed it all in a tightly sealed box in case of canine inspections, and subversively drove it home a few states away (while carefully obeying the speed limit).

@mordant I can get it. But if I test positive I lose my disability and have to pay it back. Or so says the lawyers.

@Ceaselessmind If the disability people are blood testing you that's a problem. Is that a thing now, even in the absence of reasonable suspicion?

2

It's like bad nom flash backs and all the twats in town are like why don't you smile why are you not jolly at this time- I'm like fu try working in retail you ignorant cunt!! Sorry I didn't mean for it to grab me so hard again-

2

Please, see a doctor and get on an SSRI now. They do work. I suffered from chronic depression my whole life. Those meds saved my life. I am now thrilled with my life, I'm old and haven't connected with a man in 5 years. Now facing the fact that I will be alone the rest of my life. Not enough income, lousy job.

I just had a birthday 3/01 and it was miserable. I have no family at all. Who will take care of me when I can't take care of myself.

You are not alone, my friend. Joanna

Already been on those damn pills and therapies. They did not help. In fact some nearly killed me becauar they compound my diabetes.

2

{{{hug}}}

1

My mother told me that her 60th birthday was a very difficult and depressing one for her and so as I approached my 60th, I wondered if I would feel the same way. I did not - 60 turned out to be just another number.....BUT as I approached 70, I began to realize what she was talking about. I think its a different number for each of us - but at some point the realization that 30 year mortgages and buying really good shoes so they will "last" becomes sort of a sad joke. It made me think a lot about my past - the good and the bad - and I realized that I had been fortunate enough to experience a very wide variety of things - have traveled and visited a lot of places and mets lots of interesting people along the way. We have been conditioned to think that each and every day must be the "best one ever"....I now realize that some days are just "okay"......and that's OK! We don't necessarily need to always be searching for happiness in order to be content. Try to stay in the moment and remember that you are part of a very large "club" whose theme song is What's It All About, Alfie? πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰

1

Birthdays can be hard, and I truly feel your pain, but let me give you some perspective. My 19th brithday I was in Basic Training in the Army. That was the day we went to Tear Gas training. I spent many birthdays away from family and loved ones while in the Army, and because of my dysfunctional family I might not have even gotten a card. I worked night shift on more than one birthday.

So fast forward to today. I'm 60, divorced, haven't had a real date in probably a year and haven't had a relationship in much longer. I work too many hours, and I live with two cats. My kids are doing well but busy in their own lives.

Yes, I am familiar with depression, anxiety, insominia, and panic attacks. Yes, I have toyed with an exit strategy, but I'm more afraid of pain and putting my kids through pain than I am of sticking around. So I took a look at my life and removed what was not working and focus on what makes me happy and gives me peace. I found some groups of atheists/agnostics and I particpate enough to satisfy my need for other people. I cut off several people that were not worth the effort to maintain the relationship.

My life isn't perfect, but it's what I've got. And in the long run I'm better off than lots of people. I frequently ask myself if my problems are first world problems. There are two other guidelines I use. One is a line from Dr. Phil, "how's that working for you?" I ask myself that frequently and it it isn't working I work on changing it. And that is my other guideline. People only change when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing. What is it in your life that is causing you pain, and how can you fix it. That was the criteria I used when I decided on divorce. It hasn't been easy post divorce, and I traded one set of problems for another, but it was my choice.

Hang in there, what I have learned is that nothing lasts forever. The sun will come out another day. You don't know how strong you are until the only option is to be strong. And my final cliche for you is that tough times really don't last, but tough people do. They may be cliches, but that doesn't mean they aren't true.

Thanks, I have Bipolar disorder. Things are rarely in a good place. I grew up fast as my dad died when I was 4. My mom hit the bottle and I had to deal with that. Then I was raped at 12 by her boyfriend. I never was good at social graces but I have tried for the past nearly 20 years to put myself out there and I spend more time alone in a crowded room than I do feeling apart of anything. I have lost most of my family already from either death or being disowned. I picked myself up and kept going. I released bitterness and resentment. I just recently lost my grandma to cancer and my mom had major surger not a week after that. I have had to make all the decisions and coordinate everything. My mom list her best friend when her mom died. I fell inlove with my bestfriend who is straight. My last relationship was in 2005 but it only lasted a couple of months. Ive not had sex in 3 years and there are no prospects for that. Fuck dr phil I cannot stand the bastard.

1

My birthday is on Christmas so yah I'm not the most jolly person- I have a black tree- nothing with Santa or nativity- and hate the music with a passion- as well a had a few negative things happen during that part of the year- but this last year my daughter was 8 months and that was my most favorite birthday just getting to watch her eyes light up and smile at me- I'm sorry your special day was shitty- believe that there are still good things waiting in your future πŸ™‚

I absolutely loath christmas music. I am not much of a fan of the whole christian celebration... but I am the only one who does not like it in my family so I grin and bear it.

@Ceaselessmind yah my mom is all about Christmas @.@ but she didn't have to work in retail where you can't change the station on the badly adapted versions of the song- omg sticking pens in my ears

1

Birthdays are a reminder we have the gift of life

1

I so look forward to every birthday! The bad times in most of my earlier days, from severe illness to systematic abuses are gone and now is wonderful! I sometimes think the crumminess of my previous 60 years are what cause me to be so happy now I would not wish them on anyone butdo have a hard time understanding those who miss the importance of every day in peace& sunshine

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