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Religion in a relationship

Can an atheist and a believer have a successful lifelong (spousal) relationship? Trying to figure out if I should try relationships with believers as my dating pool is not very large in rural Nebraska.

  • 19 votes
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  • 51 votes
SeaMeNebraska 4 June 9
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68 comments

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0

It depends on how much your beliefs are a factor in your life. If a christian is a devout sunday church goer then i think no. But if they are a non practicing believer maybe, especially if you have a-lot of other things in common and a real connection

Couples should discuss what boundaries they have before they get married. For example, My Wife was a believer and she went to church when we got married. But we talked about what we would tell our children, and agreed that I would not be hiding my Atheism from them. If they asked me did I believe in God, even at a young age, I would tell them I did not. We agreed on this before we got married. Now she is an Atheist. But I never tried to convert her. She came to that view by herself

7

Sorry to double comment, but I found this after my initial response. I know your situation isn't a joke to you, but I thought this was funny.

4

It could work as long as they don't speak to each other.

4

I think it completely depends on the people involved. If both go into the relationship with eyes open and with acceptance, there is certainly a chance it will work out fine. If either is expecting to change the other in some fundamental way, such as, but not limited to, religion, it will be way more difficult.

4

Depends on the person and if you both respect each other's belief and non belief. Hopefully they don't think that they can change you.

4

From my limited experience, I would say that in the majority of cases, no. Of course, there are always exceptions.

3

Depends on the amoutnof tolerance the people involved have.

Personally, I do not think (from my experiences) that it would work out for me over the long term.

3

I voted Depends. So far so good with my Catholic wife. In 15 years it hasn't been an issue. Reason being is that neither of us mark our belief or lack thereof as a defining characteristic. I call myself an atheist but for me its a tertiary characteristic resulting from my adopted philosophy. I simply don't bring it up because I don't care about my atheism, it just is. My wife considers herself a Catholic, but she doesn't attend church except for very rare special events with her family, and probably couldn't quote a bible passage if her life depended on it.

So I would say that it entirely depends on the extent to which both parties take their position seriously and prioritize it in their hierarchy of values.

3

Sometimes people will downplay the importance of their religious beliefs during the dating period, but they revert to a strong adherence when the relationship becomes more serious. That can be an issue. However, people are very different - I can envision this going either way, depending on who is involved. Hey, good luck!

3

Absolutes are too hard to call with any true accuracy when dealing with
human relations.
It really depends on the people involved in the relationship.

In my personal experience, it has never worked for very long, and
I've never seen it work with anyone else for very long.

3

How could you have a relationship with someone who believes in mythical god and superstitions?

I'll mention that to Petunia. Married for 12 years to a ultra fundamentalist Southern Baptist.

She leaves the room when someone wants to talk to me about religion but I'll help her put up the Christmas decorations anyway.

@WonderWartHog99 Good for you. I couldn’t do it.

@Killtheskyfairy It is the custom of the people to put up a Christmas tree. Because Petunia goes overboard, she'll get three to five trees up per year.

@SeaMeNebraska Took Petunia six months before she realized I hung an art museum reproduction of a nude redhead on the wall.

2

It can work provided there is mutual respect and neither partner is fanatical in their belief or lack of.

Dew25 Level 7 June 10, 2019
2

It really depends how fervent your partner is. If they're moderate and accepting of other worldviews, then a good relationship is possible.

2

you have to agree to disagree. It's all about compromise. For instance one deal I made with my ex was that she could have her Christmas tree as long as we didn't have to have lights on the outside of the house.

lerlo Level 8 June 9, 2019
2

Depends on what the relationship is based on. We commonly call it love but often the foundation is one or more of the following.... physical appeal, sex, money, children, security, gratitude, common interests, common goals, openness, trust, and also a short or long view of life. A relationship is rarely based on all or most of the above. I have not seen one with four together.

In project management, there is a saying.... "You can have only two... good, fast and cheap."

I believe a relationship or marriage is only a social contract about two adults agreeing to make each other happy and build and live a good life together. Nothing more. It is good only when it is working. There is nothing eternal, divine or blessed shit in there.

This is a question only you can answer. No one else can for you. The right place for the answer is inside you.

2

I've tried on multiple occasions, so I know I can't manage it. Other people might be able to navigate it successfully, though.

2

I think the only way a relationship between someone religious and someone nonreligious can effectively work in the long term is if the respective belief and non-belief have no serious bearing on their lives. So, the theist believes in some religious tradition, perhaps, but doesn't attend services and never puts much thought into it; and the non-theist is likewise unconcerned with the issue and has a live-and-let-live outlook when it comes to belief. Otherwise, I don't see how either person can be especially invested in their personal perspective and not have it spill over into a serious relationship — and even then there are no guarantees that perspectives won't shift over long spans of time or when facing hardship and tragedy. /2¢

2

Here in the UK it isn’t a big deal, and most people only pay lip service to religion. I live in Northern Ireland and it is more religious here, although I think there’d be a much bigger problem if it was a Catholic/Protestant relationship. On mainland UK most people inter marry and have relationships across all ethnic and religious/atheist groupings,..it only seems to make a difference if it’s an extreme or fundamentalist branch of religion and they only want to have relationships with their own kind.

2

Depends upon how important their religion is to them and your atheism is to you. I’ve gotten less tolerant of believers as I’ve gotten older. I have a difficult time respecting someone who believes.

I've grown less tolerant, too.

2

Depends on the level of belief in the religious partner. If they're really ''into it,'' it probably won't work. If they're an "Easter" and "Christmas" only kind of believer...it could probably work.

@SeaMeNebraska My late husband was a ''believer'' and I'm sure he missed the gift-giving part of Xmas. But, it's the way it was...I'm certainly not getting into that frenzy!

2

Can, but not likely.

1

My Wife was a believer for the first 15 years of our marriage. Now she is an Atheist. We are married 27 years now. 3 grown up kids now. All of them are Atheist.

1

Depends on how devout they are. If they're a super die-hard theist who mentions their religion in every other thing they say, it won't work.

I agree

1

I don't recommend it, because one of you or both will be looking at the other one as someone who needs to be fixed or converted.

Don't you know that women always view a man as someone that has to be fixed. lol
And a lot of the time they are right.

1

Think about the children.

JacarC Level 8 June 11, 2019
1

It may be crazy, especially on this site, but I was married for 8 years and I can’t even say for sure if my ex believed in a god or not. I cannot remember even one time us discussing religion.

@Sandman07 Somehow I find that really cool. It's similar to my relationship with a believer. I knew he was one because I asked, but that's as far as it went.

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