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How to 'come out?'

I have come to the conclusion that there is no god and I'm not sure how to tell my mom that. Does anyone have advice on how to 'come out' to her?

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By AcuranVenal
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35 comments

10

There's no point in opening that bag of beans to anyone, it's your private belief. You don't owe anyone anything.

Redcupcoffee Level 7 Mar 13, 2018
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5

If religion is super important to her, there is no reason to tell her if you don't want to. If you do want to tell her and think she might kick you out, then wait until you're independent and moved out. No point in creating unnecessary drama.

shockwaverider Level 7 Mar 13, 2018
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5

Too many parents harm their kids, either emotionally or physically, when they find out those kids aren't carbon copies of themselves. A friend of mine was kicked out of his house in his teens for being gay, by his pastor father and mother. Unsurprisingly, his father was gay.

velk Level 4 Mar 13, 2018
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5

You haven't provided enough information. A lot would depend upon what your relationship with your mom is like. How "devout" a believer is she? How old are you? You mentioned waiting until being financially independent in your poll, do you think she'd throw you out, or stop helping to support you? You need to give more information before anyone can really give you any kind of advice.

KKGator Level 9 Mar 13, 2018
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4

Personally, I would wait and try to make peace. Think of her religion as a difference of opinion but you can still love her even if you don’t agree with her. Think of all the good things about her and try to avoid religious topics and outings.

Heart_Truth Level 6 Mar 13, 2018
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4

I've seen people's lives be totally uprooted by this decision, make it with caution.

naegele Level 3 Mar 13, 2018
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4

Tell her as soon as you no longer need her financial support for school. No relationship is worth maintaining as an adult if you have to lie or pretend to be someone you're not.

PhoebeCat Level 7 Mar 13, 2018
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3

It depends on how important it is to her that you are a believer and what would or could be the consequenses of telling her.

Shelton Level 8 Mar 13, 2018
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3

At your age, you should not risk you well being, home or education for your religious identity. It is hard to hold your tongue but that is what you might just have to do for now.

Check out recoveringfromreligion.org. They have a phone line and an online chat service with agents who will listen and can provide some resources. The site also have trained counselors who are secular called (of all things) the Secular Therapy Project if you need to get real advice.

There are YouTube videos about coming out atheist, blogs, books, etc. The above reference is safe and anonymous, talk to someone.

JeffLemar Level 5 Mar 13, 2018
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2

For a very long time I held my tongue when it came to my atheism. Mostly because I don't like it when born agains try to push their religion on me, also it's no ones buisness what my beliefs are. Finally, it's your Mom (hopefully) she will love you no matter what.

ajr715 Level 6 Mar 13, 2018
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2

It doesn't make you any less her daughter if you think free.

If you're ever going to love me love me now, while I can know
All the sweet and tender feelings which from real affection flow.
Love me now, while I am living; do not wait till I am gone
And then chisel it in marble — warm love words on ice-cold stone.
If you've dear, sweet thoughts about me, why not whisper them to me?
Don't you know 'twould make me happy and as glad as glad could be?
If you wait till I am sleeping, ne'er to waken here again,
There'll be walls of earth between us and I couldn't hear you then.
If you knew someone was thirsting for a drop of water sweet
Would you be so slow to bring it? Would you step with laggard feet?
There are tender hearts all round us who are thirsting for our love;
Why withhold from them what nature makes them crave all else above?
I won't need your kind caresses when the grass grows o'er my face;
I won't crave your love or kisses in my last low resting place.
So, then, if you love me any, if it's but a little bit,
Let me know it now while living; I can own and treasure it.

BobMcDowell Level 6 Mar 13, 2018
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2

Couldn't tell my mom, she was already a atheist.

Clare Level 7 Mar 13, 2018
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1

If you are under their roof, might be best to hold off, but if you are already on your own it is entirely up to you if you want to tell her. Are you especially close with your mom? Is she super religious, where it's part of everything she does, or is she more like most, just a person that happens to believe in god, otherwise going on with her life?

If you are on your own, and they pester you about church or whatever else, that could be an opening to explain that you don't believe anymore.

DaveBA5150 Level 3 Mar 25, 2018
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1

Let sleeping dogs lay. She will fret herself into an early grave regarding your soul. Unless there is an inquiry. Then the truth will set you free.

Countrywoman Level 8 Mar 25, 2018
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1

If she asks just be honest though if you think she will kick you out over it just wait till you have your own place and fuck her off.

LeighShelton Level 8 Mar 13, 2018
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1

Just be honest with her..she may not like it but that's her choice, just as you've made yours.

Charlene Level 8 Mar 13, 2018
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1

I'd definitely wait until you're financially independent unless you're certain your mother won't flip out, disown you, and kick you out of the house (or cut off funding for school, or whatever your financial situation is). But I'd eventually be open about it, because expectations that you'll participate in religious activities when you visit can put a lot of stress on your relationship and she wouldn't even know why there's tension. Of course your situation might be different from anything in my experience, so only you can decide whether it's best to come out about your irreligion and what her reaction likely would be (e.g., if she's a member of a church that shuns apostates or she's otherwise critical of people who left the church). Good luck to you.

resserts Level 8 Mar 13, 2018
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1

Yeah I'd just wait. It sucks having to hide who you are, but its not worth the drama and judgment. Besides, the people in your life who love you already know the way you feel

Ersomething Level 6 Mar 13, 2018
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1

At 18yrs old you need to figure out if you can afford to move out-are you sureit will come to that?
I left home in HS at 18 but moved back before Graduation which enabled me to let my parents send me to college.Do you need her approval? Can you talk to her? My parents and I had an unhealthy relationship. Need to think things out.

sassygirl3869 Level 9 Mar 13, 2018
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1

There doesn't have to be a big drum roll and a ta-da! moment. Just let it ride and if your mum is a devout something or other and asks you about your faith (or apparent lack of it) just say you have questions that you're trying/struggling to find the answers to. It doesn't have to be a confrontational moment, it can be a gradual process.

ipdg77 Level 8 Mar 13, 2018
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1

My mom and I have never had that conversation. She however knows that I am entirely to logical to be swayed by some inane ideologies. Would almost bet your mom knows and refuses to accept or she thinks she can partially sway your opinion to her way of thinking. Moms seem to have a broken record in that department.

azzow2 Level 8 Mar 13, 2018
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0

Try opening the door. smile001.gif

DUCHESSA Level 7 Mar 23, 2018
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0

Try opening the door. smile001.gif

DUCHESSA Level 7 Mar 23, 2018
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0

Just come out and tell her. Do it respectfully but explain your reasoning. I did it at the age of 12.

Donto101 Level 7 Mar 23, 2018
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0

I am bisexual and have some extremely religious people in my family... The best thing to do first, is to probe them with questions. For instance... bring up an lgbt related issue from a news article in a conversation about current events. Carefully observe how they respond. Depending on the individual you might need to do this a few times to get a good sense of where they stand on the issue. Once you know the layout of the land, it will be much easier to determine who is safest to come out to first. Unless of course you get an extremely negative reaction, in which case you should definitely not, and seriously consider having a back up plan.

Katrik Level 7 Mar 22, 2018
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