Yes, we have to ask. If you don't know, what has someone told you their reason for not wanting to be in a relationship with you?
For me, I tend to be negative. I don't even realize I do it as it is the way I was raised. I am not proud of it, just being honest.
Can you be the same?
I've never asked why someone wanted to break up with me, things just didn't work out. One guy decided he'd rather live close to his grandson than stay in Nebraska, and I get that. One guy decided his stuff was too important to him and he couldn't afford to move it. I haven't had a relationship move very far forward in years.
As for the faults I know I have, I'm bossy, go figure right. I like my alone time. I tend to identify the elephant in the room. I sometimes cogitate on issues. I have immense patience until I want it NOW! And I think I snore, but I'm not sure, the cats don't complain.
I am a loner and an introvert and prefer to be by myself most of the time, I have been single for 50 years and have lived alone for over 40 years. For those reasons alone, I do not consider myself to be a good partner. A good friend, absolutely, as I love you as a friend. I enjoy spending time with a woman when I have the opportunity to do so, which isn't very often.
I can be negative (I like to say it is being realistically passionate) and don't show my emotions easily. I need alone time and actually prefer women who are independant, assertive and highly intelligent. I demand equality in financial matters and don't want to be nurtured. I want but not not need another, sometimes.
I have been told that I am negative and/or needy. I know my cynicism can be interpreted as negative. And as far as needy goes... I really like spending time with my partner, but I am ok with having our own space/time apart. I think sometimes people tend to see the things they dislike about themselves in others, and then accuse a partner or friend of being a certain way. It's kind of like that old saying, "The pot calling the kettle black." The reality is that there is always going to be things you don't like about someone. Hell, I spent fifteen years with the same woman, and there were things that she did that drove me crazy. But I accepted that that was just the way she was, and eventually it didn't bother me as much as it first did. When I learned to let go of trying to be in control of everything in my world, suddenly my world became much more pleasant. Focus on the positive. Life is short.
Constantly needing affirmation and attention. I have my own severe problems I cannot spend my entire relationship making you feel better. I am working hard on myself and I need my partner to help me do that instead of sucking out all my energy. I have very few spoons to start with, I need a partner who gives me spoons or at least space.
Another thing is not caring enough. I will NOT chase you. If you don't contact me then chances are after I text you a few times, but you never text first, I'm not going to keep trying. I only invest what you put in.
I think peoples emotions are secondary. If something is important to me I'll say or do it regardless how it makes you feel. It's not that I don't care, i just care about something else more. I shoot first, apologize later.
I'm not a coddler. People have to be self-sufficient in some way. I don't want to babysit an adult every time he or she is upset.
I'll say things I don't mean for the sake of argument. A lot of people don't get im playing devils advocate. I'll argue something i don't agree with.