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Is old age something to look forward to or is it generally filled with loneliness, health problems, lack of independence and despair?

My dad is 87 and although functions well for his age, complains much of the time about health issues. His wife- gradually becoming more crippled. I asked my dad - Is there anything to look forward to in old age? His response was an emphatic “No!” Some of us on here are older, and many of us will be old soon enough. Some of us unfortunately will die young. Do you fear getting old? Is death better accepted when you’re older? Is there some point where you wish to take your own life so you could die the way you want to?

Jesusluvsu 6 Mar 17
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29 comments

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5

I am 64 and I do not fear being old. Physically, yes, there can be a lot of aging and deterioration. That part of it is not fun...but it is interesting to observe how your body changes. Life is a learning process, and each stage has its lessons to impart.

The big bonus is how your mental and emotional perceptions change, and how much more comfortable you are with yourself and the world around you.

Regarding your questions about death: I am also dying from terminal cancer, and there has never been a point where I've contemplated taking my own life. I'm content to let it happen as it happens--that process is a learning experience, too.

Most people mature as they go through life, so in that sense death might be better accepted when you're older. But I have seen very young people accept death graciously, and people in their 80s who were terrified to die. So, with the caveat above, I don't think age has as much as maturity to do with acceptance of death.

marga Level 7 Mar 17, 2018

I'm sorry

@SherryMartin What are you sorry about?

@marga Your terminal cancer.

@SherryMartin Oh....well, thank you, but you don't need to be sorry. I'm fine with it. But I appreciate your concern. 🙂

4

I was diagnosed with AML six years ago. Literally faced with "start chemo now or you are dead in 3 weeks-didn't want chemo but living won out. After bonemarrow transplant I've been in remission for 5 years. Starting to travel and enjoy living again. Was 58 when my life changed forever. Age is in people's heads. My grandmother lived to 109.

3

I'm 61 and feel more free to let go of inhibitions. I say what's on my mind. I still use tact, but am much more brutally honest than when I was young. My give-a-shit is less functional and I have a "what you see is what you get" attitude. That can be incredibly liberating. On the down side. Weather makes my joints ache. Falling down hurts more. I'm clumsier, and it's harder to lose weight. Energy can be fleeting and chronic illnesses abound. Get off my lawn.

Deb57 Level 8 Mar 18, 2018

But you have such a nice lawn.... kidding - I've been falling down more lately too. I'm lucky I guess, in that i don't seem to have osteoporosis (yet) so I haven't broken any bones so far. Knowing that, I seem to be better at falling with practice. I kind or roll now so I do't take the brunt of the landing on any one point, and it seems to help. But that's just me! Do not try this at home as I am a professional doddering older person ;~).

3

It is what you make it. You can continue to learn, stay active within what your body allows, enjoy time spent with family and friends. You deal with issues as they arrive, and look aroud to realize that there are many coping with issues much worse than yours. or, you can be like my mother (86), and spend you time complaining about everything, everybody, feeling sorry for yourself, even though in truth she is way better off than many people her age. she is the religious one in the family, and it doesn't seem to help much, though possibly she would be much worse without her faith. I am way more positive than her without belief. Maybe when you don't believe in an afterlife it makes you more appreciative of the one you have to live.

3

This is something I've been questioning lately, as well, and I just turned 40. I think it has a lot to do with each person's disposition, and perhaps genetics. I recall my mom being severely depressed when I was younger, and crying a lot, having breakdowns. As I am at that age now, I can see how she got to that state, and I don't even have kids to drive me nuts. I am friends with older people in their 60's, and some of them are generally happier, so I wonder if it comes down to genetics. Did I inherit negativity from my mom, and therefore, now face fighting it? Do others inherit an upbeat personality, and roll with the punches more easily? I'm actively working on the negativity, because who wants to live like that?

3

Wow....I don't buy into negative assumptions about aging! It depends on the person, how their lifestyle and/or genes have affected their health, whether they are capable and willing to be active etc. I've known too many younger people (Ha...in their 50's!) who shut themselves down and withdraw from life, and I've known 90+ folks who are curious, enthusiastic, energetic and productive. Humans can adapt if they want to, without giving up. Youth isn't all it's cracked up to be!

yeah, a guy came up to chat to me at work a few weeks back, he was covered in sweat, had just ridden about 4 miles, he is 92.

3

If one fears getting old, there's not much reason to get old then, is there?

I'd say it depends a lot on who it is that's getting old and how they view life. I'm already old, and I got here by being happy (not content) with life in general. I've had several experiences in the health department that were life threatening and left me a bit worse off afterward. None of it has deterred my positive attitude about life, getting even older, and eventually dying. If you look at a painting and all you can see are the flaws in the weave of the canvas, then I suggest you get off the train at the next station because there is no such thing as a perfect canvas.

2

Getting old sucks. The Universe has made it such that as we get to the final hours, we just want to get the hell out of here. At the end, they are cutting off our toes, feet, legs, breasts, and we're slobbering all over ourselves.....shitting in our diapers again!!! i was in a nursing home 3 times for my back surgery. It was completely depressing. Dating is a complete nightmare.....we are NOT 25 years anymore. Who wants to have sex with their grand parents???? wtf????
THANK YOU ALMIGHTY CREATOR ONE!!!

2

Speaking for myself, I'm in my late sixties, and although I do have several health problems, the thing that helps me the most is spending time with my grandchildren. While I'm unable to be very active, I consistantly read to them, and do what I can with them based on their ages. Last week, I went with 2 of them while they were sledding, even though I didn't go down the hill it was still fun.

Old age is partially what you choose to make it and partially how you feel about it. Planning for it helps. If you can afford to do things that you like, you'll enjoy it a lot more. And now, with Social Secutiy becoming undependable, at least in the States, my advice is to have a good pension plan. Secondly, if you dread it, it will naturally be a less pleasant experience.

It also depends upon the type of person you are and your family dynamic. My sister is in her mid 70s; has 4 children and had 2 rough marriages. Both husbands have passed away, but her children have kept in touch with her daily and she is living with one of them now. She has never been alone and though she has some health problems, is doing okay.

Many older people don't reach out to their relatives, especially if their family doesn't call them very often. Sometimes they give up. They may call and leave a message at holidays or birthdays, because they only know using the telephone, and don't like to text or e-mail, or whatever. If they don't receive an answer in a few days or a week, they get sad or bitter, and somethimes show it if they do finally get a call back, which just makes them seem like grumpy old people, and the cycle continues, until they really are alone. Then if they have to go into assisted living, they think its because no one loves or cares about them, and are afraid no one will like them and they become more and more closed off.

2

Sometimes I fear getting old but mostly because I fear not being able to have good quality of life because I started over financially 13 years ago when I was in my 40's.

When I was young, I didnt expect to live to the age I am now but here I am.

I think I mostly fear being incapacitated.

2

I have said many times, "the problem with life is that it ends... and it ends badly." We get the time in between, but the end can be a real mess. I have certain health issues and I have often thought to myself that I would much rather just end it myself rather than let it string me along. BUT... there are other things... people... that mean quite a bit to me too.

1

It sucks, plain and simple.

1

It is terrible, something to dread.
Very few if any good things.
Up to 55 was manageable, beyond that is a struggle.
At this point I plan to go out in 35 years and 8 weeks.
Until then I plan to live every moment as best I can,
to date even my pain is an experience I savour, as it means I am alive.
However, I really hate not being able to do all the things I know how to do and enjoy.

1

As others have suggested, the answer is, "it depends".

My wife's maternal grandfather lived to be 102, and he tolder her a couple years before his death in a nursing home, "Kid, living to be this old isn't what it's cracked up to be". He had been preceded in death by one of his daughters (my wife's mother) and by his wife, and most of his old friends and cronies. He had a succession of roommates in the nursing home that no sane person would want to share a room with (like the guy with dementia that kept exposing himself to the nurses and bellowing in his sleep all night).

Granpa was very laid back (like every other centenarian I've known BTW) and had a positive attitude, but he was tired and ready to stop having new experiences.

My own father made it to 87 but I don't think he was enjoying the last couple years of his life.

I am 61 but I do not have a despairing view of growing old, despite that so far, it has presented some indignities and losses already. That is an aspect of it; but, you also have the knowledge that there's a lot less road ahead of you than behind you and it actually bucks you up to realize that. It allows me, at least, to make the most of it.

1

Depends on how you've been living your life. Not a simple question. Too many variables. However if you smoke 2 packs a day, eat shit, have unprotected sex with every Tom, dick & pussy & generally don't take care of yourself then yh your later years will be undoutably an accrual of a misfortunate life.

1

I believe old age is something to embrace, as not all of us will get there, and have that time ...

As for the rest - the variables are as abundant as the people that are aging. Having , or losing your health can greatly change one's general outlook. So can the attitude of the individual. Don't we all know some people, whose health is a mess, and yet they manage to remain positive and as happy as they possibly can under the circumstances ?

Then of course the opposite holds true - people that have everything to be grateful for, yet they bitch , moan, and complain every step of the way !

1

It seems that the older I get the more pain I experience.

1

Holy shit! I'm 60 and I have to hold to the belief that there is something to look forward to at every age. Anything less would be giving up.

1

My dad is 86 and plays tennis every day. It depends on chance and how you live your life. I am planning on exercising regularly eating right and having an active life until I die.

1

It depends on how you've lived the life that you aged.

1

I can speak only for myself, but I fear death less as I age. Life has worn me down. I'm not as old as your dad, but arthritis and other ailments take a toll every day. No, I'm not ready to depart, but I suspect that if I live long enough, I'll be ready when it's time.

1

I don’t look forward to getting old and when I see an old person I think about how I will be when I’m much older. It’s kinda scary and a bit depressing. Hate to say it but that’s how I feel. I certainly hope life will be good or at least ok when I am “old.” Also depends on what one considers old. I guess maybe 70 plus. Sucks to get older but still better than the alternative. Helps to have a young mindset, I think.

If I was in a lot of pain and discomfort that was intolerable and without remedy, I definitely would want the right to end my own life. Guess I will need to move to a state that allows this, like Oregon.

1

Usually people just do their best, and try not to think about it too much.

0

Old age is inevitable. I come from a long lived family on both sides. My patenal great grandmother live to 102. In good health and a great mind and still beautiful. My dad her grandson died at 89 from emphasyma. But he told me he did not want to live longer. Different for everyone. I am 73, still work out. Excellent health. Who knows. As a non believer heaven and hell are irrevelent. Live as well as you can.

0

If you enjoy life and stay healthy, it’s a pretty nice time. I actually have contentment and enjoyment of much more than I did when I was young. I love being retired. It turns out that I’m easily amused. I take little for granted. Though I never would have said I’m selfish, I am much less selfish, much more giving to others.

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