Agnostic.com

50 1

What are your pet peeve markers you look for on a first date?

So you finally meet that person for the first time to see if you are compatible enough to go on an extended date. What little pet peeves wind up becoming a deal breaker for you? What weird little habits or features ruin the possibility of seeing this other person as a potential partner you might like to have sex with.

A mole in the wrong place?

Constantly cracking their knuckles?

A tattoo in a conspicous place you believe to be in poor taste?

Now I know we shouldn't let these little things paint our experiences of a whole person within a few minutes of meeting them, yet we cannot deny they exist as a sort of biological red flag in the mating ritual.

What are yours? And do you proceed in spite of them, or do they wind up being part of your reasons to not go forward?

LucifersPen 7 Mar 18
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

50 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

20

Checking their phone the whole time. Chewing with their mouth open. Shoplifting. (Sigh...wish I didnt have to put that one on there)

I had a date RENAME my cat...and she wasnt joking

Shoplifting??? LOL...an aversion to kleptomania should be assumed, you'd think.

It was a "date" I had. She wanted to get some stuff from the grocery store so she could make a meal. Then she starts "pretend swiping" at the self checkout. I'm like "hey. you know you didnt PAY for that, right?"

She said, and I quote "Dumbass, I was trying to steal!" and slapped me in the face.

Thats about how dating goes for me.

@Ersomething wow. Have you thought about starting a blog? I think I'd read it avidly.(fellow terrible dater here)

@Ersomething She was stealing and she slapped you in the face. I'm baffled by that one?

@RavenCT Well she really wanted to steal apparently, and I wasn't having it. How dare I, I guess haha

Darn I was so close

@Ersomething That's crazy. In hindsight were there any warning signs she'd be that way?

Not really, it was our first actual date haha. And our last.

@Ersomething Now That's kinky!

@Ersomething An Argentine boy friend & I went grocery shopping also. When we got in the car he unloaded all of the steaks he had under his jacket. This should have been a flag. I dumped him when I found out he used to break legs for a living back in his homeland. Build that wall! Oh. Wait. Argentina is not on the border. Ooops.

@Countrywoman Sounds like going out with him was a..misteak. (Sorry.) That's..intense.

16

At dinner at a nice restaurant if he is rude to wait staff it is a HUGE red flag. If he is a poor tipper that is another red flag. Bad grammar is not necessarily a red flag but I am a grammar nazi, so I'd probably end up cringing and withdrawing. Praising DJT would end the date. Does he listen to me, or is he waiting to talk?

All of this, but I try to figure out the DJT thing before agreeing to the date.

@miffy fer sure!! I had one date with a DJT fan. Couldn't wait to get rid of him.

I put clues in my profile that I am not a DJT fan...(I don’t watch FOX for example) helps to weed them out, but also makes me think every guy in Las Vegas on the date app I use is in his 30% fan base!

@BarbR Scary fer sure!

Met a guy for a first date and his opener was about how they were out of Lagunitas, and if and he wasn't going to leave a tip. The date was very short, but if anything like that ever happens again, I'll excuse myself because I've left something in my car... an empty driver's seat.

12

The last couple of guys I dated mentioned negative things their exes accused them of, such as, not listening, being self absorbed, or always flirting with other women, which all turned out to be true. If you really listen to people, most of them will talk, talk, talk, and somewhere in there is the absolute truth!

12

My pet peeves are when they don't leave their children locked int he car. Seriously how are we to get to know each other if their kid keeps crying at the table? Golden Coral is a classy place and we aint need a crying baby at the table. Leave it in the car so that we can get to know each other and share the chocolate fountain together!

joke

OMG Golden Corral!!! :::😕hudder::::
I walked into one of those looking for a take out drink while waiting for my girl at an appt and felt the urge to take a shower! LOL

Haha haha! These are making my day...

11

Bringing their husband with them. Calling me a loser more than twice. Pepper spraying me. Asking me for money.

LOLOLOL......Oh God !.......LOLOLOL......

Rough, but funny!

@BarbR that's my humor

10

Smoking. I’ll look past everything else

miffy Level 5 Mar 18, 2018

OK, I was reminded that praising DJT would end the night too.

Smoking what? Crack? NO!
Salmon? Yes..
Cannabis? May be.

@Countrywoman I can’t comprehend how a first date would lead to him smoking crack. You’re right... definitely deal breaker. Smoked food would merit a second date. Smoking cannabis would make me super uncomfortable so I think no.
In case it wasn’t clear, I was talking about tobacco. ?

8

My biggest one is the inability to carry on a conversation. If you can't carry at least your side of a conversation, what is the point of meeting with another human?

7

Checking cell phone, checking out other people, making it obvious they don't like what I ordered for myself, caught up in materialism, acting stupid.

Just a few.

6

Scratching his genitals....

5

Are they on time? How do they treat wait staff, cashiers, etc? Hygiene, good or not? Manners? Body language (are they physically closing off or open, eye contact, fiddling, overly attached to electronics, smile actually genuine or just the polite "how much longer" smile)? Does the real person compare to written communication/photos?

Had a guy who treated wait staff like crap, no 2nd date there. Had another guy say he did not drink, was a "former alcoholic" & proceeded to have his 3rd bourbon with his entree saying, "this is nothing. I used to be really bad". No 2nd date there either.

5

Another lifetime ago I was crestfallen to have dinner with a longtime crush visiting from out of town when he decided while we were having sushi to blow his nose at the table. The halo was off after that 😟 😟 😟 He had long presented himself as a quiet, superior intellilectual and here he was doing this no class MFr thing.

Oh yeah, that too. Especially the ones who use the same rag that's shoved in a pocket, over and over.

For those of us that have a nose that drips like a faucet as a matter of course, are we to leave the table 10 times during dinner? My nose can run especially badly when I'm eating hot, steamy food. I wipe--not blow--it often throughout the day, regardless of what I'm doing. Kleenex is constantly on my person. I hate doing that at the table, but sometimes it's really not practical for me to leave. I'd be getting up as soon as I sat down again, for the whole meal.

@stinkeye_a See an allergy specialist. That sounds just awful.

@stinkeye_a I see your point. The problem you have is different than what I face at work and other places. I see too often someone who doesn't suffer what you do, blow their noses and then handle everything in the break room. We are now being taught to sneeze into our elbows, yet still don't wash hands after handling snot. I do feel for you. I don't have an answer. You not blowing and you're self consciousness goes a long way towards mutual understanding and respect.

@stinkeye_a When dating? Take something. And no lofty equestrian vibe preceding said nose blowing at sushi bar.
That's married and farting under the covers territory for me.

@stinkeye_a I am with you on the leaky faucet -- er, well, I was. I ALWAYS had tissue with me. 100% of the time. My right nostril is a slow leaky faucet. Like you, I would wipe/dab my nose as discreetly as possible, but would never blow it at a table.

I've seen an allergist -- and an ENT. The ENT figured out the issue -- something about the wonky inner construction of my nose. She said surgery would fix it. In the meantime (until if and when I choose that), she prescribed a nasal spray (Ipatropium Bromide) for twice a day.

I choose to use it only once per day and my leaky faucet is 98% better. I have tissues in my home, in my car and on my desk, but I don't need them ON me at all times anymore. It has given me a bit of freedom back.

@Qualia When you say "Take something" I'm guessing you mean an allergy pill? For 30 years, I thought my issue was allergies, and couldn't understand why allergy pills never worked. I tried to "take something" many many times. 😟 Wasn't until an ENT looked up my nose to see that it's a construction issue that's to blame.

@BlueWave Yes I meant approach the allergy angle.
I lost 10 years of my life to allergies being a walking zombie before taking the leap into testing & shots. That would be a 1st step. I knew something was up when Zyrtec gave me relief.

@stinkeye_a I have allergies and my nose can be very runny. I often wonder if a person is more disgusted by watching snot run out of my nose or having me blow my nose. I don't do a big honk, or blow it onto the floor. I use a tissue. I take Zyrtec and use flonase and hope for the best. Believe me, the nose blower doesn't like it any more than you do. I feel your pain.

5

Not actually talking, no conversation flow.

Or the exact opposite, they don't let you talk. It's almost like they don't understand the concept of a conversation.

5

Peevish people. 🙂

5

I like to spend some quality phone time first - as many of the simple put-offs can be revealed with the right questions, then the rest needn't happen at all .
Checking their phone, ripe and obvious odors, bad teeth are some of my reasons for no second date ...

4

I hate having to hear just how mad she is at her ex....and the complete list of why. Tying my stomach up in knots is the opposite of alluring.

4

Talking incessantly on their phone. Rudeness towards others. Chewing with their mouth open...(thanks Ersomething). Stiffing me with the bill (that actually happened). Poor tipper, or finds a reason not to tip. Asking my bra size and stand up so he can judge my behind. You really can't make this stuff up.

4

I say this a lot I guess I'm just a very accepting person but to me there's not that many deal breakers. If you don't get falling down drunk or smoke crack if you're not a habitual liar or maybe a shoplifter too. I can work with a lot of the little stuff. If she has the good qualities I want I don't care if she chews with her mouth open or little things like that. If she smokes or has tattoos, She could like Donald Trump I don't care if she's nice, honest, accepting, and not judgemental and uptight. Working out the details is the fun part of getting to know each other. I'm sure I will not seem absolutely perfect either. I don't want to feel like I'm filling out a credit application to go on a date with someone. Focus on the good stuff have fun just because you date someone doesn't mean you're gonna grow old together. Don't take everything so seriously.

4

Hygene! Bad breatha nd body odor are the worst. Next, being boring. Having nothing to say, no interests. The other extreme is the egotist/narcissist.

or they used an entire bottle of offensive perfume.

3

I went out with a woman who explained that she didn't have to work because she got child support for two kids, and you get a lot more support if your kids have different dads. She also casually mentioned that she doesn't like condoms. That was our second/ final date.

JimG Level 8 Mar 20, 2018

Wow...and least she gave you fair warning.

3

Bad table manners including taking calls or text messages, but talking with a mouth full of food puts me right off.I have refused to have sex with a woman after a date purely because she was a racist, ok, she also ate like a pig.

3

Well this applies to anyone, but on a first date it is a deal breaker. Before I speak, I try to make sure I have something to say. You want to talk over me? Once, ok, that's a Mulligan. Twice? Three times? All the time? Keep talking, I'll just wait for this date to end and never call you again.

2

Ihate when I have to start explaining things to someone, defining words, telling them what the food is on the menu- being under exposed to life is a turnoff

2

For me there are two things that put me off instantly, one is checking there phone and the other is being rude to anyone, both of those turn me off the person.

2

Two things that have actually made me end the first date, absolutely certain that there wasn't going to be a second.

"I don't care that you're a man in a dress. I'll go with anyone, me." So why did I waste my time getting ready?

The one who asked to borrow my phone because his was out of credit, and proceeded to make several lengthy calls on it while I sat there like a lemon, without even my phone to keep myself busy.

I might have gone on a second date with either, were it not for these things. Probably not, though. There were other warning signs, but these were the deal breakers.

I don't mind talking about exes as long as it doesn't take over the conversation. It's good to get a bit of background on why their past relationships haven't worked out.

2

Condescending or pretentious.
Eats too loudly
Talks too loudly
Gets suggestive on the first date
Can't read if I'm wanting to be touched or not (spoiler alert 90% of the time I don't, but they always try to get to at least 2nd base)

right!... not into loud talkers - i can hear a pin drop (>>>who the fuck you talking too?? that guy outside?_)()). i'm a guy and don't want to hear about anything like past dates wanting to 'watch netflix and chill'... and not into being touched - really...maybe a slap on the knee but not usually shoulder or face area. i'm weird.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:39471
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.