Oh I’m most definitely in the 21st century....apparently the men in my area are not.

@Marcie1974 - must be that. Still shocks me how backward some parts of the US are.

@GoldenDoll can't argue backwardness of US but settling for less than what is possible isn't something for which any place can claim a monopoly.

@Silver1wun - Nonsense. Settling for less than what is possible is why things don't change.

@GoldenDoll Must be some misunderstanding because I fully agree with your statement about why 'things don't change'. Settling for less before things can ripen only changes if at all for the worst.

@Silver1wun OK sorry - must be the language barrier........

@GoldenDoll Yes Dear. We here in America speak and write a bastardized form of the tongue.

@Silver1wun I know! My favourite is when you say "I could care less" & we say "I couldn't care less" which mean the same thing apparently. To us, your version means actually I could go a bit further in my care-lessing, whereas ours states quite clearly that we have reached the pinnacle of our care-lessing.

@GoldenDoll i don't get that either...ive always said i couldnt care less and used to get confused when people said they COULD. Id be like "so...why are you saying anything in the first place? Just tell me when ypu don't care anymore" xD

@GoldenDoll Many of us are absolutely aware of the difference between I couldn't care less and I could care less. I cringe every time I hear or see it.

That's much of the issue I would have.

@WizardBill my respect for myself has very little to do with ancient reasoning that I am dirty goods if I have sex.

That’s sexist! Kidding. How about if it was a guy?

@Marcie1974 With gay men it is very common to have sex on a first date. No real stigma attached either way.

@snytiger6 I’m not sure if it’s a midwestern thing or what but I’ve had guy friends tell me that if I give it up right away that the guy won’t consider me dating material. Or even just engaging in sexual talk they won’t take me seriously as someone to date. Just to hook up with.

So far that’s been my experience as well.

@Marcie1974 Well, I'v always lived in West coast states, California, Oreogn and Washington. And I have always lived near big cities.

I am awre of the general attitude of straight men who think tha "easy" firls are not dating or marriage material. I do recall girls who were considered "easy" as beign seen as emotionally damaged in high school and college. often they are seen as too "needy". In short their willingness to have sex is seen as a desperation to be wanted and a lack of self esteem in which they dont' feel they have anythign else worth offering in order to be wanted.

The preconceptions and prejudices, as I see them, are not always true.

In any case you never want to appear 'desperate" in any way, because desperation is never attractive to anyone... at least anyone taht you woudl actually want.

It is a bit unfair tht guys re nto held up to the same standards as women. I think generally men are bigger "sluts" than women are and more willing to "give it up."

@snytiger6 hmm, I never thought of that perspective of women being seen as needy if they have sex. I could see that at high school or college age. I’m freaking 44 and just have a high sex drive.....I would think that would be an asset.

@Marcie1974 Yea. That's definitely an asset in my book.

@Marcie1974 I think it really depends on the people involved. My best relationship was originally a one night stand, which extended to last over five years.

Anyway, usually men have the higher sex drives. A strategy many men employ is they have a "friend with benefits" to satisfy their sexual needs in between relationships. Then, at least theoretically, when they fidn a relationship, they break off the "benefits' arts of their friendship. I do not see any reason why women shoudl not also use the same strategy as men to get by and have sexual needs fulfilled when in between relationships.

@SKDeitch I would not agree with tht. I've often had sex on the first date, but some dates wanted to, but i didn't. It hs more to do with actually liking someone to some extent than it has to do with just "getting off".

Even for persons I had sex with for just "getting off" there were standards. Having a healthy sex drive does nto mean you are also indiscriminate about whom you have sex with. I think tht far mroe guys are indiscriminate than women.

@Marcie1974 - gosh it sounds like you're living in the 1950s.

@GoldenDoll I know. Judging by the answers on here I don’t know if it’s just a midwestern/Minnesota thing or what. I don’t necessarily want to hide my sexuality....but I also want to be taken seriously as someone to potentially date.

@SKDeitch I'm legally blind. I think I misread and missed the word "not" in the last sentence.

You and he had a nice introduction.

He’ll y!