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Learn from your errors.
Put little investment i n online interactions.
Reveal your pain when you are far more along in your relationship.
Predators are out there so protect yourself.
Reveal to a counselor not a stranger online.

Unless someone is holding s gun to your head, or the thumb screw is being tightened beyond endurance - you have control over what comes out of your mouth.

My feeling is , people can ask me whatever they'd like - but I'm under no obligation to answer - unless I want to. As relationships form and grow, it's not uncommon to peel away layers. Some may be appropriate to share, and some might never be, and that's ok.

Three words... Always Be Honest! However... in a new relationship it can be a shock to hear too much too soon. The whole point is to develop over time. Too much info too soon can be scary... But if it is something you feel the need to get out then you should.

Probably not a good idea to tell anyone everything. It takes away the mystery.

I'd be wary of sharing too much too early, in case you share things that could make you vulnerable to abuse or embarrassment if your history was repeated.

There are are some in the dating world who seek out those who have been abused, and/or show a tendency toward too much trust, and they take advantage of that.

I used to want to share everything right out front, but guys I dated never really cared, so that was a waste. I'm wiser now, but I'm not sure I'll ever find someone with whom I could feel a strong trust, before I share my innermost secrets.

That’s a great question. I’ve found that very few prospective friends/dates read your profile. Recently had a guy contact me and chatted for like 3 days, with him telling me how much he liked me, etc. I even asked him if the non religious thing bothered him. He denied that it did. After more chatting, and during a period of non chatting, I suddenly got a from him saying not to contact him anymore, quoting a section of my profile where I referred to religious people as delusional. I guess it depends on what the reveal is.

Why would that be necessary?

I once heard someone say, "Never admit to anyone that you are no good...let them find out for themselves."

An attempt at humor...don't take it seriously.

However, I am (was), the type of guy who wanted to hear about all the skeletons in her closet so that if I found that she had involvement with something that I could not deal with, I could dump her...but as an Asperger's, Syndrome person, I pretty much operate from a logical perspective, not emotional.

Truth be told, I did a lot of dumping of girl friends in the old days. It is also notable, the most of those girls I dated were not forth coming with the things I considered deal breakers.

"Yes, I forgive you...but I am leaving you anyway."

Unless your past is directly pertinent to your present, why would you need to disclose it? Even then, if your past does carry into your present, you shouldn't need to disclose until the issue effect that aspect of the relationship. If your mistake is financial, you shouldn't need to disclose until you begin to share expenses. In our culture, we value honesty, but we don't require anyone to wear a Scarlet Letter to announce the mistakes of their past. I believe we tend to be suspicious of those who are too eager go reveal their past mistakes. So be easy on yourself. If you feel you made a mistake in revealing too much, just kick yourself once - and ONLY once - and go on. You will be OK.

It all boils down to the two rules of life:
Never rat on your friends.
And always keep your mouth shut!

I just tend to blurt them out, I'm neither a Republican or a Christian so I have no fear of the truth.

First, don't lie BUT don't offer too much either. Think of it as an exercise in patience. No details, stick to generalities until your intimacy grows into a real relationship, then as things come up you can be more forthcoming.

Example: Instead of telling a list of detailed abuses... say, "I was abused in the past but am working on recovering from that experience. " If they ask for details be honest and say you're not yet ready to share that but if your relationship develops you will of course be open about it.

Your past is your business and unless you want to open up and think they are ready for it you are well within your rights to be discrete. Over sharing at the wrong time can be deal breaker. Good luck!

Additionally, beware... some people who are control freaks or narcissists are looking for what they perceive as "damaged" people. It's so much easier to take over someone's life if they have a history.

Everything will eventually come to light if the relationship lasts long enough, you can be sure of that. You need to balance the impact your revelations will have immediately before things are that serious vs. how much damage it will cause if you don't reveal it till later. I can't say what's best for you. I personally prefer to get that stuff out as soon as possible, both mine and my potential partner's, but that's just me. Lots of equally valid approaches in the other comments. Good luck! I hope you and your sweetie find harmony.

Answer every question with a question.

Unload all your baggage up front. If they can’t take it, then they can’t take you. It’s better than developing feelings and then being ghosted because of what made you, well you!!

I hope this all works out for you!!!

I just had a funny thought. You can have a bankruptcy, repossession, or foreclosure on your credit report. But then after 7–10 years, it’s wiped clean. Even creditors know old information doesn’t define who you are today — if your credit is good today, that’s what matters.

So I repeat my earlier comment: the past belongs in the past.

Until you are involved on a less superficial level, I would give few details beyond the fact that your previous relationship was abusive, and left you with some baggage you are navigating. Also, keep in mind that one of the ways a covert narcissist grooms his next victim is to feign interest in everything about you early on, especially that which makes you most vulnerable, so that he can use that information to manipulate you later. Beware of men who are too interested in all that too soon. They always seem "nice" and "concerned" while pumping you for information.

Keep it general, not all the details are relevant because you are different today. You can open the closet door but not everything in there needs to be revealed. Your past can be talked about but every "sin" need not be detailed.If someone pushes you for every detail they are just being a voyeur and probably will use the revelations to control you in the future.

One cannot establish a truly close relationship without revealing our real selves. As we come to trust and care for a person, we begin to trust and then begin to make ourselves vulnerable by revealing more, including our mistakes.

Unless your past mistakes rise to the level of imprisonment, you don't need to be "that" honest about past mistakes...

I think a more relevant question would be "Why would you reveal past mistakes to new romantic interests".

The past belongs in the past. Of course, it helped shape who you are today, but it doesn’t define who you are today.

I know I’m a totally different person than I was when I too was experiencing my “colorful past.” That person is a stranger to me.

So, no, there’s no reason to “spill the beans” to anyone to satisfy their curiosity. No one needs to know every single secret from your past. They need to accept who you are today or move the heck on.

The time to share would be different for each person you meet. But...your story won't scare-off the right person. I encourage you to keep up with therapy, to help find the fine line between not enough and too much as each situation to disclose arises.