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Does deprivation of sexual relationship for 14 years constitute cruel and unusual punishment?

Should it be legal or is it absurd?

Does deprivation of sexual relationship for 14 years constitute cruel and unusual punishment?

  • 33 votes
  • 13 votes
  • 7 votes
BananaFlambe 4 Oct 6
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20 comments

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0

I stayed in a sexless marriage for 13 years. Two reasons:

  1. No interested females
  2. Her health insurance
1

I think that if someone doesn't feel like having sex with their partner, there are likely to be two people behind that cause of that decision. Either that, or it is beyond individual control, for example, in the case of a medical condition.

2

I don't know enough specifics on your situation to form any kind of judgment, but nobody owes anybody else sex. Nothing would turn me off about wanting to have sex faster than my partner expressing an opinion that he's somehow entitled to it from me. And there are very few things that will quash the female libido faster and more permanently than resentment, so there's also that.

Deb57 Level 8 Oct 9, 2022

That's not what the op is about

Soooo, Deb, how long have you known my ex?

@BananaFlambe, as vague as the op was, there is way to know. Expecting specific answers to ambiguous questions is pretty manipulative.

2

You CHOSE to stay there, duuuuuuuuuuuh

I don't know what you talking a bout, willis

1

In what context?

Tejas Level 7 Oct 7, 2022
3

I haven't had sex in over a decade. Nothing cruel about it.

I'm closing in on that in a few years, it's a scary thing to face...

@TomMcGiverin I don't miss it that much.

@xenoview Suit yourself. I really do, along with the affection I also had with her. To me, both are equally important and satisfying..

@xenoview Many things far more important and meaningful than sex.

2

I would think that before no-fault divorce laws that it would have been grounds for divorce. But, of course it should be legal. What the hell are you even asking? Should a spouse/partner be forced to have sex against their will? That's rape. Either come to a compromise on an open marriage or get divorced.

Edit:
After reading some of the other comments that mention inmates in prison, I've changed my vote to undecided. You really need to be more specific if you want a valid vote count.

5

No one is entitled to sex, even if they're in a relationship.
If you don't understand that, seek professional mental health assistance.

Characterizing it as "cruel and unusual punishment" implies that you feel entitled to it.

What if you clearly agree to sex on demand as a condition to the relationship? This post isn't about this anyway... But under human rights are you correct or are you 1984 trolls at the dollar store?

  1. right to free speech
  2. buy a gun

Other documents sound better...

@BananaFlambe "demand"?
Anyone agreeing to sex on demand as a condition of a relationship, also has the right to change their mind.
What's your deal anyway?
Are you just trolling?

@BananaFlambe WTF are you trying to say in this last comment? "Human rights"? "1984 trolls at the dollar store"?, as well as the rest of the bizarre stuff about the two rights of free speech and buying a gun, "other documents sound better".. As a shrink would say, regarding schizophrenia, you are making a lot of what are called "loose associations", and it makes me wonder how well your mind is functioning...

1

Your ? is vague and ambiguous. What do you mean, are you talking about a partner in a marriage or committed relationship refusing to have sex with someone? Or are you talking about any person who is deprived of sex with someone other than themselves for 14 years, such as an incel? Or, as someone below mentioned, are you talking about imprisonment by the government or corrections system, where the prisoner is not allowed to have sex with someone that is not another prisoner, such as being allowed conjugal visits to have sex with people outside the prison who are living in the free world? You need to be more clear and specific if you are serious about posing the ?

I'm being prevented from having a relationship. It's whoever controls my computer and cell phone. Clearer?

@BananaFlambe Thanks for clarifying it. I have a computer, a landline phone and membership on Match.com for over three years now. I have been unable to find a long term relationship, tho I did date two women for six months each, at different times. That is the best I could do, with the way the numbers game of online dating works, how mismatched I am for most of my local online dating pool, and how much competition I face in that local pool, but I never blamed the people that run my phone service, that just sounds crazy, sorry to be so harsh. I do feel some resentment at whoever runs Match, because they keep making the profile formats worse and more limited over time, and that does hurt all but their most best looking members from connecting with compatible people. But I still don't feel that the folks running Match are singling me out for mistreatment, just that they only care about money and want to limit their member profiles as much as possible, because it saves them money in what they spend on IT services.

Join the club, almost all of us singles are screwed by the online dating sites, but it's nothing personal. The sites don't care about any of us or about helping us find partners, they just care about money and they aren't regulated at all, so we are on our own.

@TomMcGiverin dating is a real life thing in my opinion... Like going to the zoo or botanic gardens.. you expect real life to be there and not pictures of those things. Now why those matchmaking services are missing in real life might be the dark side of the economy

0

I had sex at age 13 with a 14 year old girl, not very well, yet it was an adventure. . What cruel and unusual punishment do you suggest? Tarred and feathered and dragged by horses.

0

Go find someone else.

BD66 Level 8 Oct 7, 2022
3

I must say I am quite disturbed by this post. It was not so long ago when a man could legally rape his wife. Are you advocating for this?

Didn't this happen in the English dept? Seriously...

4

Not punishment. But coming from my former marriage where we never got out of single digits in a year it’s certainly extremely sad and annoying.

From what I've read it is a symptom of something else and getting to the root of the problem can be a real challenge.

@LovinLarge true. I wish we had been mature enough to figure that out at the time but we’ve both moved on now.

Never heard of this?

@BananaFlambe Your link doesn't work and both of your comments on this thread are nonsensical. And you sound like a rape apologist.

@BananaFlambe Video won't play...

@LovinLarge I wonder why @bananaflambe does not simply make this thread clear in plain English, no cute comments, no videos that are broken, just actually speak plainly. If they are writing about being in prison, or if they are writing from prison, then they should just say so. If there is some annoying issue with whether or not they are allowed to say so (maybe they are on a prison computer and are not allowed to communicate in certain forums) then I don't know what to say about that, but IMO they should do a better job of clarifying whatever it is they want to ask.

@kmaz Very astute. I fear there is a very specific reason that he does not write clearly. By suggesting that something should be illegal or that it constitutes cruel and unusual punishment implies that it should be required, taken by force if necessary. I wonder if those who voted "yes" truly advocate that same position.

0

Certainly unusual.

and for me, unacceptable.

@jlynn37 I agree

2

A better question is why would someone stay in a relationship with someone who clearly no longer wants them….🤠

Buck Level 7 Oct 7, 2022

Sex is not foundational for all marital relationships and some are successful without it. Those marriages are just as valid as any other and participation remains voluntary. I don't think this is common knowledge, thanks for the opportunity to mention it.

@LovinLarge I could care less about each couples personal sexual relationships. Whatever works for them is their business.
The fact remains that she doesn’t “want” him. I stand by my comment regardless of your irrelevant comment.🙃

@LovinLarge If sex with his partner is important to him, he should move on and quit whining about it. Because it clearly isn’t something that’s going to change.🤔

@Buck There can be other causes than her not wanting him so no, that is not a universal fact or even necessarily a fact in this particular case.

You asked why people would stay in a sexless relationship which is why I explained that not all marriages involve sex. That is the opposite of "irrelevant".

You sound angry. I can see how this post would hit a nerve with some people, it did with me. Lashing out at people trying to be helpful is unwarranted. I was adding to your comment, not criticizing it. No offense intended.

@LovinLarge You we’re stating the obvious. And I’m far from angry about shit. This is my everyday charming personality, carry on……

In the words of the immortal philosopher Lou Reed, " I do believe, if you don't like things you leave".... esp. if young children are not involved....

4

Cruel and unusual punishment by whom? Your loaded question has a pre-supposed answer the way you are doing this.

I think the question is referring to inmates... so by the justice system/ enforcers.

2

Let's say it does. Since this isn't in the lots of laughs category, I'm assuming you're serious. Consequently it would violate the Constitution and would give you a right to sue...who?
The government? Do you actually blame the government for not providing you sex? Pretty sure prostitution's legal in Nevada. So you could go there. If you're in prison, I'm pretty sure we all know sex is possible if you let it happen, just might not be the kind you've dreamed of. If it's a marital problem that's why god, yes god, invented divorce. Ha ha

lerlo Level 8 Oct 7, 2022

I think this is a reference to inmates and not allowing conjugal visits...

@ChestRockfield well it's in the love and relationship section and as I noted you can have sex in prison you just might not like the kind it is. But if in fact it is a prison situation, it's called punishment. The Constitution also says you have a right to life liberty and property. But not in prison because deprivation of Liberty would be cruel and unusual punishment then right?
Here's are two cases on the issue:
Hernandez v. Coughlin
United States Court of Appeals, Second Circuit Mar 3, 1994
18 F.3d 133 (2d Cir. 1994
Lyons v. Gilligan, 382 F. Supp. 198 (N.D. Ohio 1974)

@lerlo I didn't say where I stood, I was just explaining what I think the post is about.

@ChestRockfield and I was explaining why it wouldn't be cruel and unusual punishment in that scenario

@lerlo I believe that sex between inmates is usually against the rules, so that's certainly not a valid replacement for conjugal visits.

@OldMetalHead Thank you. I wasn't going to bother responding to that nonsense.

As my brother, the lawyer who is now a judge, used to say, " You can sue whoever you like, for whatever reason you want to, but actually having a case is a whole other matter"....

@OldMetalHead oh it has to be within the rules? Pretty sure it's sex and the questioner didn't say anything about what kind of sex. Guess I missed the conjugal visit part of his of his post

@OldMetalHead, @TomMcGiverin which is exactly why I posted the cases that say it's not cruel and unusual punishment

@lerlo Well, of course the courts have found it not to be cruel and unusual. How the hell could they even justify imprisoning anyone otherwise? That still doesn't mean it's not.

@OldMetalHead well to some people the rule of law means something. Shockingly the courts have found that prisons have deprived inmates of certain rights and required them to change things

@lerlo The US has more people in prison per capita than any other country including the third world. I didn't look it up, but I would imagine we are also leaders in using private, for profit, prisons. And, those prisons do a horrible job of rehabilitation. Two of three inmates will be arrested again within three years of being released from prison. Not to mention the inequity of those imprisoned by race and economic class. So, excuse me if I'm not that impressed with our criminal justice system and "the rule of law".

@OldMetalHead I'm sure that has something to do with whether or not you should be able to have sex while in prison. I will eagerly await your post on whether or not the United States should have jails or prisons.

@lerlo I was responding to your comment about "the rule of law". That said, other modern countries seem to be doing a better job. Meeting basic human needs might be part of the solution.

@OldMetalHead and I was responding to your comment that of course the court said it's not cruel and unusual because otherwise they couldn't justify imprisoning people. And that just because the court said it doesn't mean it's not cruel and unusual implying that courts here are wrong and apparently you and the poster are correct. Taking you're "just because the court said it doesn't mean it's right" statement to its normal course, we shouldn't follow anything a court says. Consequently the rule of law falls apart. Which is of course your choice if you want to be an anarchist or a republican who only follows laws that they like

@lerlo Sounds like you're talking about the SCOTUS.

8

No one is entitled to sex.
I've not had sex in a whole decade now. During the last three years of my wife's life she was too ill to give me sexual relations. At no time did I consider it her duty to fulfill my needs.
Now, if the withdrawal of sex is being used as a punishment, then that is a matter for relationship counseling.

6

If you aren't getting any, you'd better sue Madame Palm and her five daughters.

Ding, ding, we have our winner!......

12

No one is responsible for meeting anyone else's sexual desires.

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