It sounds wordy and strange. But I think the questions relates to an open relationship. Well, you have to be sure that the open relationship is really open and not just your dream. If the second partner kinda agrees but hired a hacker to track you, maybe you've chosen the wrong person for an open relationship. On the other hand, if you both agree on an open relationship, then the word cheating makes no sense. I think this word is eligible only for monogamous relationships. Otherwise, people are free to date anyone they like to. Antracit, did I ask your question? You just had to go through the previous comments.

I can’t promise I’ve read through every comment here but I don’t think I saw the word consent anywhere. Did you make an agreement to be monogamous? If you have another non-monogamous relationship without first obtaining consent from your partner then it is cheating. You can’t just break the agreement and then by describing it after the fact unilaterally decide that it’s ok. If you have carefully discussed all the parameters of how and when your relationship will be open and you are operating within the agreement, then no problem. Some partners agree to allow side dalliances as long as they never find out about it. So telling about the relationships is not a universal “fix” either. You have to come to agreements ahead of time about what each partner needs and wants.

I think in any relationship that has any chance at all it's necessary to be clear about and in agreement about the parameters. What can you do with who? To my mind, if you are violating your agreement, you're cheating. But if you have agreed to an 'open' relationship then I would not define it as cheating. I will say that I have known a number of people who tried open marriages and none of them worked out. Of course my monogamous marraiges didn't work out, either, but for very different reasons.

Easy lay up here. FUCK YES...IF...you just tell them. If you discuss it and open your relationship together then it CAN'T be cheating. easy.

By definition, I would think that if you are in an agreed upon open relationship, the word cheating does not apply. If you are cheating, then you are withholding information from your partner and hiding your affair as much as possible. It’s kind of like going into a store and they have a rack of merchandise marked “Free” and the next shelf has priced items. If you take a free item it is not shoplifting. If you take the priced item, you are. Best example I could come up with quickly! ?

If your partner knows and is okay with it, I don't think it's cheating.

It would entirely depend on the dynamics of the relationship. If one feels it's cheating, it's probably time to move on.

If everyone is open and upfront about their relationships, the answer is no.

I've been in several open relationships where the man had someone on the side without telling me. When you betray your partner's trust it doesn't matter what the status of your relationship is (open or closed); it's still cheating. What I fail to understand is why would they lie about something when they don't have to? Makes the betrayal worse if you ask me.

I think cheating is a matter of betrayal of trust.

You have a relationship that both parties knew was open, and both parties are happy to be open, then tell then the truth and you're not cheating - but honesty means nothing if your parner is expecting monogamy.

It's just like saying 'do I stop being a thief if I'm honest about the fact that I steal?'

It's betrayal of reasonable expectation that makes you a cheat - not whether you 'come clean'.

I didn't vote because this isn't quite black and quite as you have set it up. As others have said, I think just being honest about an external relationship doesn't make it NOT cheating. If they disapprove, it's still cheating, just not lying and cheating.

It's not cheating if everyone knows the rules. Not liking the rules does not mean your partner is cheating.

Depends. If your open and they don't agree to your other relationship, you're cheating. An open relationship has to be by mutual decision.

I wouldn't be so upset that they went off to have sex with someone else as I would be that they didn't invite me along for a threesome

So many experts!

Unless your partner approves of an open relationship then anything that violates the relationship is cheating. I think too often no one discusses it, we each have our idea of what the relationship is and we feel violated because we are following the rules we think are in place while our partner is operating under a different set of rules.

If you're open about it -- and AGREE it's okay -- it's not cheating. Sounds like a form of polyamory to me.

It would depend on what basis you entered or maintain the relationship- if you promised fidelity, its cheating, whether you disclose it or not.

I would consider it cheating whether I was told about it or not. Unless you tell your partner from the get go, "Hey, don't expect monogamy from me," it's a selfish and very mean thing to do. It's playing games with another person's head.

Don't promise fidelity, if you cannot be faithful. Don't promise honesty if you cannot tell the truth.
Period.
Any attempt at qualifying or explaining is nothing but justification for being a lying asshole. It's not that hard.

I would always be truthful to her that's how we have stayed together 30yrs but we haven't had sex in 13/14yrs

If you are honest and not manipulating anyone, then there's nothing to worry about. That's the thing: be honest and make sure people genuinely are ok and comfortable with what is happening (people being your partners).

I'm not sure of the definition of "partner" if you're having other relationships. If you aren't exclusive, I don't know how there's cheating. Could be more about rubbing someone's face in the fact that they're not the only one.

To me, cheating is breaking trust.

All sorts of descriptions, but from my viewpoint, cheating is when you lie, regardless of what you are doing, when you have to lie, you have cheated....

Why on all earth would you want to have "other" relationships when you are with someone?