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Sometimes it's painful. Sometimes it's insurmountable. And sometimes it's even imaginary.

ownworstenemy 7 July 14
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I'd say I used to firmly believe that. Until something happened to change my thinking.
One time I accidentally sought out exactly what their point of view was . To try with all my conscious mind to figure out how they see it instead of puzzling out how I could lead them to understand mine. When I approached the misunderstanding as if I were them and allowed myself to think act and speak as if I was them in their version of events. I found u actually understood them and at that moment the huge gulf that had been so unimaginable to cross just minutes before was now just as simple as going up and acknowledging what they are thinking as if it were right and just as valid as my opinion . This act is so unimaginable to most of us we never remotely consider to see things from the others perspective for real. We may pretend to. We may step back and rethink our wording to Use specific language to imply impartial judgment and evaluation of their opinion as if we were a fair and reasonable person.
But honestly ask yourselves how often do we honestly try to understand what the other person's experience was rather than trying to figure out why the other person didn't understand our version of something.
We replay things over and over. Break down conversations word for word evaluating if we could have been any more clear or specific . We play back their words in response and say. They definitely should have known my opinion by their words they knew my meaning I'm sure of it.
The separation caused by misunderstanding is the gulf that we create when we refuse to even think that someone else's opinion might be valid. When our opinion is so obvious and right that there can be no other opinion that could be as valid then we wrack our brains trying to understand why we weren't understood instead of trying to understand what the other person understood not what we wanted them to understand not what we thought they should have understood.
I've tried this specific trick a couple of dozen times in 10 years and each time that I could get myself past the loathing of having to accept they could be absolutely right in every way they experienced something. And it's not just a matter of them having some perception of events but actually having a real experience that was valid and right and accurate and my viewpoint might actually be inaccurate. not equal to theirs. possibly less than accurate. perhaps my perception of events is entirely different as if we both had entirely different experiences.
that's what a misunderstanding is two people having an absolutely different experience than each other.
It's hard sometimes to get my ego to swallow this ..its bitter and sour and makes me unhappy to say and actually believe the other person in a misunderstanding is absolutely completely accurately right. . But when I can make that leap. Then I do see how it's not just a diplomatic action. It's me choosing to really honestly understand them. . Every time that I've done it . It has closed the gap and we weren't misunderstanding each other anymore. I didn't need them to understand me for this event . Once I understood how they were right and accurate in their experience. I no longer NEEDED to make them also understand my way of perceiving the events.
Try this and tell me if misunderstanding is truly an uncrossable gap.
I could be wrong. I only know it worked for me every time. If I could get my ego to not be critically butt hurt for doing it

Lurd_merk Level 4 July 14, 2018

Thank you for writing this excellently explained point of view.
Since I have been able to naturally instinctively always see things from both perspectives and sides, it’s hard for me to comprehend that this gift is not the norm and some people really struggle with it.
I’m happy you have found a way of putting your ego to one side and have learned how to rationalize that we all don’t see things the same way and because of our differences in life’s experiences, we all see things through our own individualized set of lenses.
Thank you for reminding me that what comes easy to some people is actually hard work for others.

Very well put! I'm l so glad you took the time to reply like this. It's a real measure of a person to do like you describe. I regrettably have had stances that ignored this, and every time I went through the process of seeing the other side, conclusions were similar as you describe. This should be a life skill taught in families, in schools, in life. In a nutshell, it's what I meant by saying"imaginary", but you said it better than I ever could have!

This should be a sticky for how to get along with everybody!


And sometimes it is a distance as wide as the ocean and about as easy to cross.

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