Has anyone here had any experience with (or known someone who has/had) a SEXLESS MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIP or a FRIGID PARTNER? I just got done with 9 years of my life being washed away in one such relationship. My sex-drive is, at its minimum, geared for at least once a week. We were having it once every 2 months (if I was lucky) for 5 minutes.
I was still expected to be faithful, loving, and kind to her - I couldn't do it anymore after 9 years. She is not a bad person - she is even a good mom - just FRIGID. Sex was not even on her radar, and when she offered it, it was with the same reluctance with which college students do their laundry.
I kept telling her, "If you don't tend your garden, someone else will!" Made no difference to her. Towards the end, she even told me that she couldn't be bothered with sex - gave me permission to go find it elsewhere with whoever - not that I ever followed through!!
P.S.: The pic is not me and my ex-. Haha!!
While I can't speak for everyone , in some cases there are very valid reasons for a partner to loose interest in sex . Men often brag about the size of their equipment . Women's equipment comes in different sizes , as well . Even after giving birth , a woman can remain too small because , while doctors slice her open during the birth process , they also sew her closed afterwards . Some doctors go even further , without discussing it with the patient , adding what they call the husband's stitch , which makes it an even tighter fit , to please the husband . And it makes sex very painful for the wife . Some men know nothing about foreplay . He seems to feel , if he's ready , then she should be as well . And sticks it in , dry . Also painful . It's been strongly documented that after coming home from a forty hour work week , women put in another , on average , six hours work in home chores , nightly , while many men feel it's their right to sit on the sofa and watch TV nightly . When she hits the sack she is exhausted , and he has proved to her , he really doesn't care about her . Just as a bit of positive attention can improve a situation , so too , degrading comments are , to put it bluntly , a turn off . Not bothering to prepare yourself to make it a pleasant experience , ie. , washing your equipment , can also make it less than enjoyable . Letting others (such as her mother-in-law) walk all over her , doesn't encourage feelings of desire towards you either . Health issues , low nutriction (iron for instance) can cause exhaustion . Loosing respect for you , for what ever reason , is a turn off . While I can't say what specifically caused a woman's lack of interest , you might consider taking these into consideration . Make changes , if it's not already too late , or you may discover you have the same problems in future relationships , as well .
Congratulations on getting out of a marriage that didn’t suit you. Your ex may have been asexual, altho’ her willingness to engage in activities except intercourse indicates otherwise. There can be all sorts of medical, personal,
and relationship issues that lead people to avoid intercourse. Also, the quality of the sex matters. We sexologists have a saying, “People want sex when the sex is worth having.” You said the sex lasted 5 minutes? What are the odds she found that pleasurable?
Before you enter into another relationship, you may find it helpful to see a sex educator, counselor or therapist to explore how you can communicate better about what you and your partner both expect, want, find pleasurable, want to explore, etc. Good luck!
In the beginning of our marriage we had fun and sex and good communications. Gradually it grew colder and more distant. She had an incurable mental illness, bipolar disorder which became worse as she aged and tried so many medications that we lost track. Eventually it wore me down and left me with no other choice. After twenty years we agreed to divorce. She is now under good fully paid medical care living near her brother in Colorado. I'm trying to rebuild my life but at 77 it's a little difficult.
I have to wonder if the woman was actually an asexual and did not know it or had severe hormonal changes due to impending menopause. Or at the worst, had a history of sexual trauma or sexual child abuse that was never dealt with and was impacting her libido. Is there a reason you were against being in an open marriage? If she was open to it, then why not pursue that dynamic? Also, finding out the underlying horomonal or psychological reasons for the libido issues would have gone a long way. Going to her doctor for tests or even to a couples counsellor or sex therapist.
Bro! Seriously sorry. That is painful. I don't know what it is with women and sex(I do) but let's pretend I don't. Lol. It seems their sex drive is not as high as men and they need many other factors to turn them on. It sucks being in a relationship with no sex. I say get as much as you can. Our tools don't work forever like women.
I've been there. I was married from 2001 until 2015, and I had sex with my wife exactly once during that time. That was 2002.
Tragically, I became convinced that that was what I deserved. I'm trying to unlearn that but all of my experiences have shown me that it is sadly true - I have lost whatever I once had in terms of sexuality.
Was married 28 years, there were two periods of time where her enthusiasm matched mine. Two kids resulted when I was not in on that plan. She was never mentally engaged... I.I. How can she make it better or what more does she want and it hurt. I gained weight, blamed stress, relationship grew distant. Things we used to do stopped happening and I was sure it was because I was fat. She would say no, but it felt that way. Found out she was an alcoholic and she refused to engage with help. She had lots of insecurities about sex, and allowing for those became my norm, so now... I get anxieties about engaging in a new relationship. Did not help the one I had since was a narcissist who said all the mean things a guy never wants to hear. And anything I tried with her was shot down... not your wife, you can’t treat me like her.... um..l thanks for letting me figure you out..
World's 60% to 70% couples would answer in the affirmative. I hope you are not one of them. In India, I would call about 80% above 35 are sexless at least at home. Unlike in the West you cannot leave once you have children. The society will make your life miserable. It is horrible, so they bury themselves in customs, festivals, traditions and convince themselves it had to be that way. Also there is another angle to marriage relationship in India. People do not just marry for sex. Here are the reasons:
Just check Google. Don't take my word for it.
The immaturity, naivete and stupidity in young men and women is common in every land around the world. The US is no exception. I could write a book about it. Hormones in the young age make you confuse a lot of things with love. The degree of of it all is just different everywhere.
I struggle from the same thing. My husband is a very nice husband but sex is the last thing he will think about. We have been married for 7 years now and I can tell you than we didnt have sex for more than 10 times on those 7 years. It has been a year and half since the last time and it was awful. No feelings, everything was so fast didnt last more than 1 minute. And he is fine with all of that. Doesn't bother to seek help and keeps lying of him going to the doctor's and saying that everything looks good on his blood tests. Im seriously thinking of leaving him or cheating. I feel awful but I feel sorry for my son he loves him so much.
Yes! I suffered through a 30-year marriage which was sexless for the last 18 years. It turns out that my ex was gay, and in the closet all along. I made up for it mightily after it was over, and now wish to achieve a balance of some kind. It's a special kind of hell. I have a high sex drive, but also crave closeness, humor and intellect. What to do?
Yeah I did. She just dropped it on me and just expected me to go along with it. While I'm still processing this, she turns to mundane topics and expects me to be interested. We broke up for a few months. She gets her sex drive back and then a year later "loses it" again and acts the same way. On our two year anniversary, instead of having fun, we went out for lunch and then we were back home by one in the afternoon. For the rest of the day she just did housework.
We broke up amicably, but then she started sending abusive messages on FB saying "I hope you never have sex again." By the time she said this I was already in a new relationship.
I was married for 13 years. She lost all interest in sex after the wedding. I remained faithful, like a sucker. I watched myself slowly become sexually null and void. The first couple of years was pretty bad, but women stopped smiling or flirting or showing any interest, so I'm kinda just dead inside now. It's been 18 years now.