I feel ya

After 18 years of severe physical, emotional and psychological abuse, I thought I had no need for, and no capacity for love. I discovered that that love is much like the Cowardly Lion's courage...it was there all along, I just couldn't recognize it. Now, at 50, I found that there is more than I can contain. Love for others has little to do with sex, but can very well result in it. I have somehow shed my judeo-christian idea of love, and I see it everywhere, and I choose my level of vulnerability when I can... because I know that even though I love someone, they are still human, and can hurt me anyway. Knowing you can disable a man in a second flat can really help take the fear out of vulnerability. ?

I can understand you position but only imagine what you have gone through. I myself have some doubts about finding love. I haven't completely lost hope, but my levels of hope are not all that high. I wish you all the best in your journey.

It is never too late. I suggest you chat with a kink-aware therapist to learn how to use your interest in kink to help heal residual trauma. Best wishes! [ncsfreedom.org]

I still believe in love, even after three marriages and a few other relationships. I don’t believe in ‘soul mates’ or that one love for life is very common. I think I’ve known...3 couples who have/had it. Rather than passion now, I want tenderness and kindness...which lead to passionate intimacy. At least for me.
I hope you keep looking, and find what you seek.

I hope you keep trying to find love. Be available but be cautious.