A thought just came across my mind looking back at many failed romances and even friendships...
Can one truly experience intimacy if you realize it was never actually reciprocated back to you? A lot of people are very superficial and want to believe what they give is intimacy, yet it is them just going through the motions. Like an actor in a movie. It really looks genuine but in reality it isn't... So even if you give your all, if the other person's actions aren't actually heart felt then it really isn't intimacy, right?
True intimacy requires complete vulnerability.
Vulnerability leaves you unguarded, unprotected, and a target for users, abusers, and predators.
Be open to connection. But “intimacy” and “vulnerability” are just lie sold to you by those that seek to use you for their own gain.
If you are seeking ulnerable intimacy, then you need to ask what lies your family and society and even you ave been telling yourself, and believing.
Let go of the lies, and you can begin to see more clearly, and live in reality. When you come to grips with the fact that we are all truly alone, THEN you are ready for healthy connections. NOT illusions.
I know I’m going to get tons of comments about how I’m just a loser, probably got hurt, I’ll be alone, etc.
it’s all part of the lies one faces when one speaks truth. No one wants to hear it.
Story of my life like yours.....intimacy = giving = love ....of all those "others""failures" gave so little compared to how "WE" "gave our all"....... that is why I am trying so hard here in agnosticland standing for old fashioned courtship, engagement and marriage INSTEAD OF "dating"....= semi sorta coy half hearted modified limited hangout friendship and romantic rare interludes. ....starting out real and honest is my plan and I shall not compromise my sexual ethics for the FACADE OF INTIMACY acting for 2 hours like a movie "our" relationship = "real".....thank you for posting this LOOK BACK as I look forward to love that lasts 60 more years as the oldest lovers on earth
I would not say a lot of people are superficial, rather a lot of people have their own hang ups and insecurities that they do not know how to let the other person in. It is like the difference between having small talk with someone compared to having a deep conversation. Some people go through life never letting anyone truly know them and in that they never know real intimacy. I think it takes both for real intimacy, if one sided the one doing all the giving and is getting nothing back, that is not intimacy.
For some reason your story reminded me of a woman who for years of marriage and after believed what her husband had told her about her getting crabs from the toilet seat used by his cousin when he visited. She was eventually convinced of the greater likelihood by a counsellor that she needed.
Ignorance plays a major role. I have long held that school curricula are deficient of two very important subjects - interpersonal relationships and child nurturing.
My first though on your post hit me when I read "A lot of people are very superficial " , I immediately question that.. most people in my life that I would consider 'intimate' I never felt it was superficial..
can it happen? of course.. but in my experience it was pretty rare..