And we wonder why women's biggest fear is that someday A man will kill them. My sister married the handsome, fun and charming man. He treated her like a queen when they were courting but the day she consented to being his wife, everything changed and she became his property to do with as he wished, is how he saw it and he did for 7 years. Very thankful she got out and married a nice guy who treats her well and she him.

Yes, asking is a good idea, but don't expect the truth, especially if the significant other is well known and liked by the doctor and the community. And also don't expect the truth if you yourself have a public presence and are well liked in the community. Nobody wants their name associated with abuse, especially in a small community or somewhat high profile names.

My husband coached our family doctor's daughters in sports, and although my husband was accused of sexual harrassment, and lost those coaching jobs due to it, funny the doctor never asked about our homelife. Guess maybe he didn't want the extra drama either.

I remember fleeing to my mom's house all bruised, broken glasses, etc., pregnant and with a one year old. She sent me back home to him, so no help there. But this is a mother who had pretended not to hear and see the abuse with all us kids growing up, so I guess I shouldn't have been shocked.

Not sure what a medical professional would do, in the case of abuse. Contact authorities? Not many would want that. I'm so glad I am far away and have better boundaries and higher self esteem now. Had several scary incidents here, but have learned from them, and protect myself better now. Another reason not to date, for sure!

I just read this on Facebook! Very good points about asking.

The thought of hurting a woman makes me sick and pissed off at the perpetrators who do this loathsome crap

I understand. Always heartbreaking to hear of abusive. And this one even sadder as it seemed to develop as their relationship grew. Even the best relationships can go bad as people change. As sad and heartbreaking as these stories are, it's even harder for a man to get help leaving an abusive relationship. Ask me how I know...

Our first night home , from our two day Honeymoon , after work , I cooked dinner , and was washing the dishes , afterwards . He came in and picked up a tea towel . I thought he was going to dry the dishes ,and was so pleased . Instead , standing behind my back , he knotted the end corner of the towel and snapped it against my butt cheek , then ran out the back door . It hurt ! I started to give chase , but changed my mind . I thought of locking him out - he hadn't taken his keys with him . I thought about kicking him in his balls . He deserved that .. Instead , I went back to washing the dishes . When he came back , and came to see what my attitude was , I told him , calmly . that that was the first , last , and only time he was ever going to hit me , because I didn't put up with that crap . " Oh , it was just a joke ," he said . I told him it I was washing dishes , I hadn't done anything wrong , and there was absolutely NO reason for him to hurt me , and that was the very last time . It would never happen again . And it didn't . For the most part , he wasn't a bad person . Unfortunately , his mother was an asshat , and many of the problems that followed , were her ideas . So eventually , I gave him back to her . She gave his second wife even more problems , than she gave me . And then she died . Unfortunately ,after destroying the relationship I had with my children , due to the lies she created .

wow more common than we know

I hope I am smart enough to ask that question when needed in the future.

One good thing you can do (especially with a new lover) is use your friends as little "radar sets" to take a reading and give your their opinion. What's really helpful is to have a friend with some background in psychology who may actually be competent enough to recognize some of the signals of mental illness.

That is sobering. And scary. Thanks for posting.