This was similar with my late partner. I had long since retired but she stayed on subbing for a school in Seattle (when we met she was working for a private school in Dallas). After 5 years of commuting and living with friends she decided to retire and spend her time only volunteering here and she signed on for several tasks. One week after her last day at school she was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. Luckily, this state has the Death with Dignity program and she immediately opted for that option. Her tumor only affected her speech at first.

After my partners death (we decided to call each other partners in support of her gay son and his partner) I realized how lucky we both were in that if we had not met she would have stayed in Dallas where she was struggling. She would not have had the amazing experiences she had in the NW (travel, getting a masters degree in her field, been a part of a large, embracing community, hiking, boating, trail work in the mountains and on and on) and would have died without the DwD option and not to have been able to be the "real her" (which she told her daughter after the daughter told her she had changed a lot). My focus (and I think hers as well) had been on what she she/we had gained and we were glad we had these experiences. Your husband at least got to have a year away from the stresses of work and also start something he had worked for. To me looking at negative possibilities helps ground us to what we really have acquired in life.

@JackPedigo I was very grateful for that year and the 37 years before it. He also had a very peaceful, pain free death which made it a bit more bearable for those who loved him. He always joked when I got old and feeble he would take care of me but that isn't how it worked out and I do miss my rock to lean on. When I see married couples fighting, or worse, ignoring each other I want to run up and shout, "Wake Up! Treasure every second together." We never truly value what we have until we lose it unless you've been through such a loss.

@Redbud Wow, some more commonalities. My partner, Parvin, had severe osteoporosis. The doctors, for years, told her it was amazing she had no problems. One told her she must have good bone integrity. Then she told others her doctor said she had good integrity (always a joke). I kept saying she should be nice to me because someday I might be pushing her around (in a wheelchair). She would answer that that would't happen as she would turn my shop (at grade) into her bedroom. One unique thing about her was that she wasn't afraid of anything, not even death. She was a lifelong atheist from a Moslem family (Persia) and that gave her a more realistic sense of life and death. She only wanted pleasant experiences to the end and sent a message of no tears and no prayers.
People here are very, very connected and her dying (she hated the word passing) woke a few up to the idea of loss and it actually improved their relationship. One annual dinner meeting I was on I went for a hike and talked to the executive director. I mentioned how one doesn't appreciate what one has until they lose it (she knew Parvin well). Later, I saw her go to her husband and kiss him (I had never seen any personal interactions before and when I made my statement I saw a quiet reflection). Sometimes, I think the price of a loving relationship is a more painful sense of loss. Life, never seems to turn out like we thought. Thanks for the comment.

@Sharkymama I hope you'll find your peaceful place. ?

@Sharkymama This is indeed a safe place to talk about such things. If you feel like it, you might share why you have trouble accepting you're not responsible. What is the mental narrative there?

Sorry to hear about the isolation, I understand the sole caregiver role as I used to be that to my 2nd wife (deceased after a long illness). That is a hard row to hoe.