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You have to make love to my mind..before you can make love to my body. Does anyone else require the
emotional connection first ?

Wildgreens 8 June 9

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Yup. It's just part of who I am. A demisexual that does not do one night stands and avoids the hookup culture like th plague.


Not this old trope again. Every couple of weeks some religiously trained person that's full of shame and guilt brings this subject up to get validation for their lives and spread guilt about yours. Absolutely no one in the entire history of mankind ever requires an emotional attachment to have sex. It's nice if you have it but it isn't required because if it were required you would never masturbate or own dildos.
The only thing missing from that post is the phrase "sanctity of marriage"
Your emotional attachments to people are separate from your physical needs.
Your central nervous system doesn't give a crap who or what is bringing you to climax.

LMAO..... smh

don't you have some porn to go look at ???

I guess I, along with the 3.5 million other demisexuals on the planet, are just full of shit then?


@MarvelAnn He was rather harsh, but speaking truth, as well.

My truth is that I do not require gentle caresses or softly spoken words. Those things actually turn me off. Not all women are the same in either direction of sexual preference.

I will not abide any guilt or shame being placed upon me for being "animalistic" in my sexuality. I am a human. We are animals. I am deeply aware of my instincts and my desires.
I refuse to feel like an oddity or an anomaly because of my sexual apetite or preferences.

I am also no less of a respectable, intelligent, female based upon my differing opinions on this subject. I am not a mysoginist. I am not a slut. I am not stupid.

I am simply being myself.

@MarvelAnn Not at all. You are expressing your preferences.

I sometimes feel like I cannot express mine, because I seem to be in the minority and wording can get tricky. I want nothing to do with sexist ideas from either side.

@MarvelAnn i liked the 'lick it before you stick it' line. That 's a new one on me ?


Whichever of my fancies gets tickled, I will go with that. I always hate limiting myself with strict rules. Going with my gut (or whatever other body part), keeping an open mind, giving unlikelies a chance.

Going with your gut and a whatever body part is a plus lols

@ScienceBill72 Right? That tingle, that spark. It could hit anywhere.

@graceylou Ain't it the truth!

My kinda gal!

If it works for you - it works! Lucky you!

Thanks for the responses. I thought everyone would say, hey Grace you must be a skanky slut (though that wouldn't really offend me). I live with enough rules from everyone else I don't need to build a wall of (my own) rules around myself. I'm a lover of freedom. If I want to screw that brute Neanderthal with the big arms and tight ass, whose only shared means of conversation with me is through grunts, then I'd do it. I'm not saying everyone should be like me. It's just that's how I roll with everything in life.

My relations with others may not be based on emotional or intellectual connection, but that doesn't mean I don't consider them special (even if they are only casual). I enjoy and adore every single one of them for what they are individually.

@graceylou oh yes grace that tingle or spark can definitely be hit anywhere on ones body, most especially for the ladies 😉

I appreciate your sincerity.
Things should be what works for you.?
We are not wired the same.


To make love definitely but not to fuck

LOL! True ,emotional connections can occur after an extremely short period of time in one's imagination.

@Kojaksmom I've got a great imagination and my mind is my biggest sexual organ.


That's my romantic fantasy, but so far that hasn't happened. So, I guess it's not required, but sure would add depth to the experience.


Yes....totally agree. I've told a few men over the years that the sexiest part of their body was between their ears. Some got it.....some, sadly, didn't...


My earlier response was just an initial reaction to the question.
I have been thinking about it for a while now, and have decided to amend
my original post.
My answer is still 'no', but I learned to separate sex and love.
They generally have very little to do with one another, and I spent far too
much of my youth confusing sex with love. Usually to my own detriment.
Sex is sex. It's a physical need. Emotional connection is unnecessary to
feed the demon. It's something else entirely.

Personally, if all I want is sex, I really don't want there to be any kind of emotional connection involved, at all.
If I'm in a relationship with someone, that's where emotional connection is
part of the scenario.

There isn't a damned thing wrong with having sex just for the sake of having sex.
I think women have been far too conditioned to think it's wrong to have sex if
they aren't emotionally involved. I eschew that kind of thinking.
Everyone gets to follow their own path.

I'm not a woman..but I agree with that, is just ..yes it absolutely fine and dandy if you are emotionally connected..but as a natural urge..its not unlike eating food you adore..or fast food because you are hungry...


Not the way I'd put it, but the priority is shared. Without first getting to know and become fascinated with another person's mind, from where is the deep attraction to come? My view of 'making love' is that it isn't a process of giving or taking, but one of sharing. In the same way, sharing of minds that leads to mutual pleasure, excitement and anticipation of 'what's next' is the ONLY way to achieve emotional attraction to go with whatever might be physical. Without admiration, respect and affection developing as people become closer, knowing another person and trusting are impossible.

We are thinking and reasoning creatures; defined by it more than any other attribute. Of course the road to real intimacy must be navigated by sharing of minds. The brain isn't a toy. I'm reminded of an old margarine commercial (knew the lady) that ended with "It's not NICE to fool Mother Nature!"

For me it has to be two-way, all of the way. Without the feeling of sharing being wanted, authentic intimacy is personally impossible. I don't care how she looks or how 'willing' she is. It takes more or it's a waste of time and energy. Being close social acquaintances enjoying interests and activities together with many women and them with many men is where it will arrest.

Trust (my definition) is shared in all ways. That is, no single party can be 100% responsible for a perceived breach. Half of trust is self-trust; as in confidence in one's own assessment of the other's character and parameters of conduct. Deception cuts both ways in almost all cases. It is vital to really see who the other person is without conjuring of fantasies or ignoring of telltale discrepancies; to trust mutual honesty in being emotionally and mentally naked with one another without reservations before the first garment goes off. (well, maybe an exception for shoes)

Can people enjoy sexual intimacy with less? They do all the time. Who hasn't? We live in a world of more sophisticated artifice than was even imaginable a generation ago. Short-cuts and instant 'gratifications' and their pitfalls are everywhere. Speaking of pits, so are sensations of emptiness in the pit of one's stomach in place of fulfillment; of almost immediately seeking more because there can never be enough of substitutes.

Intimacy without mental and emotional elements allowing complete surrender eases pressure but offers no repose.

Wow! I dig how you wrote that.


Without a connection there would be no point.

Amen !


I don't let many people into my mind.


I'm an introvert, so I need there to be an emotional connection before I can even think about pursuing someone.

If I the one being pursued then I think, in theory, that it would be (slightly) less important.


This past year I have been propositioned by an alcoholic, a woman and a cross dresser. As my son says.....I'm in no position to be fussy!

Homeless guys seem to think I'm something special!!!!!!

Enjoy your orgasms. They're nobodys business but your own.

????stop already!

@AmelieMatisse lol....I guess we just have something that no-one else has?????? 😕

@AmelieMatisse You know I have never really acknowledged them in any way because I was always surprised (one that anyone thought I was attractive...I know.. I know and secondly who they were.) Surprise always freezes me. lol

@AmelieMatisse That's so sad (not that you get recognized lol but that there are so many homeless people).


Ain't that the truth. Sigh. Most times they think that making love to a woman's mind is just a serious of ego boasters for their mind..
"And when I do this baby your gonna love it."
What an assumption. Woman are never asked if they would love it. Some men just assume they will. They assume that because it's what they like.

Lol????real talk...oh boy.

@Honey4Oshun gotta keep it real


Yes definitely. If you can't carry on an intelligent conversation not interested.


Isn't this what wine is for?

I love wine, but I need more than that.
Just wine is not going to do.

And really good cannabis


Vodka. 😉


You (global) can't be an obvious idiot.But until I'm older and don't GAS there will be.... interviews.... Maybe I'll grow out of this next year...but have it on good authority it might be awhile....

Unless the stuff of soul mates or an adorable, mind tickling moosh with turn of phrase game comes along.... in which case both could be dickless...until then. NO. Not at first anyway... just sparks. hopefully next to a ton of flammable stuff.

Qualia Level 8 June 10, 2018

@irascible Awwww shucks thank you blush


Not really I would already find you interesting and intriguing or we wouldn't talk. However if a bore, sensually stunted and no imagination or sense of humor.....Not happening unlees full moon in Libra/Aries lol


Not really. An emotional connection is nice but not necessary for attraction/desire/sex to take place.

Its all chemistry....

@Honey4Oshun Alas, I was never any good at Chemistry....



Long term emotional connection is definitely a wonderful thing, but people can get so caught up in looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right that they miss out on something good with Mr. or Miss. Right Now.

Life is short, and a human being's window for peak sexual capacity is even shorter. When I'm old and decrepit and no longer able to perform sexually, I can honestly say that I will have no regrets when the big blue bus reaches my stop.

I have had an emotional connection with all of the women I've been with. It matters little to me whether that emotional connection lasted hours, weeks, months or years. All that matters is that it was mutually good and fulfilling and lasted as long as she needed it to. I don't fret over break ups the way some people do. I simply go out and find someone new to share my bed with me.


Absolutely. Times I've gone without that emotional connection it was lousy for both of us. Maybe it's an age thing, but I need to be in serious 'like' at least or I'd rather watch TV alone.


Funny no one mentioned Sapiosexual!

One who finds the content's of someone else's mind to be their most attractive attribute, above and before their physical characteristics. From the Latin root "sapien", meaning wise. The term is now becoming mainstream with dating apps such as OkCupid and Sapio giving users the ability to define their sexual orientations as "Sapiosexual."

For many, defining oneself as Sapiosexual is also a statement against the current status quo of hookup culture and superficiality, where looks are prized above all else.
"Give me a deep conversation or a passionate debate over brainless beauty any day. Someone who makes me reconsider my long-held beliefs and challenges my mind is a person I can easily fall for. There is no doubt that I'm a sapiosexual."

URL: []

You're right.


I hope not repeating self Kind of apples and oranges
Women can and are as emtionally unavailabke as men
Please Gtbeans up!
Women (sex workers) enjoy sex and are not attached nor give a Fk about that Women want equality and equity Own your shit. Its ok to not feel "feel in live " every time you make sweet music
Men need to cut the condescending shit... We arent are so full of yourselves..Hello GTFU


Yes. It doesn't have to be a committed relationship, but I know I have to have a connection.


Emotional conection and mind stimulation are prob two different things. But i can count on the fingers of one hand ( i won't say how many fingers ?) the women i have been with whom i had NOT known for quite a considerable time before we became intimate. Regarding mind stimulation, i am turned by women with wit. Cerebral foreplay, be it visual or verbal also greatly enhances the sensual experience.



Qiru Level 6 June 10, 2018

I much prefer an emotional connection.

Bjy001 Level 7 June 10, 2018
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