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Is it OK to lie on your profile in order to get a date? Some people claim they lie because they don't want to be judged for their circumstances. Personally I think its disgusting to lie and manipulate people when you know sooner or later the truth will come out. How do you feel about lying for romance?

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By exilesky7
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15

No, it is not okay to lie on your dating profile. When you meet, people will discover you lied. Lying is a deal breaker for the majority of people.

"It's marketing," one man insisted. "I got you to meet me, didn't I?"

"It's lying," I retorted. He said he was 55. When he stepped out of his car, I blanched. He looked like the grandfather of the man in his photos.

He saw the look on my face and immediately got defensive. Before I left, he admitted he was 74. Who could believe him? Not me.

Wow, that’s gutsy.

That happened to me a few times, they have used one of the companies who will photoshop your picture. Most of them really didn't need to, just too self-conscious I guess

14

Don't cheat or steal either...all are dealbreakers...in any relationship.

14

Lying is wrong, period.

IAMGROOT Level 7 June 14, 2018
13

The lie will eventually be found out. Tell the truth, and you won't have to worry about it.

kiramea Level 7 June 14, 2018

Exactly. What s tangled web: easier to just be truthful.

12

If they are lying before I even meet them...that’s too effing much. It’s not like I’m never going to figure it out: my INFJ superpower is detecting bullshit. On top of lying, they think they can treat me like I’m stupid, because I always find out. Two strikes too many.

I am an INFJ...I know, too!

11

I would always prefer to hear an ugly truth over a pretty lie. I believe if both people want to overcome something, anything is possible....through communication and honesty. But what do I know. Guess that’s why I’m single lol.

KK-okc Level 5 June 14, 2018
11

If I find out someone has lied to me, we're done. I've been lied to before, and nope will not do that again. I keep it truthful, just easier to keep things straight that way.

11

Lying is not okay. I'm not sure why this is up for debate

HeraTera Level 7 June 14, 2018

Considering the way things are in Washington, I'm not sure why lying isn't up for debate everywhere.

11

I make it a habit of telling the truth...if I am not good enough as I am, I don’t need that person in my company...much less my life!

11

Are we including lies of omission? A lot of information should private and only shared with those we trust.

Some people are really nutty about "lying". I'll tell my sister I ran 5 miles but my GPS says I ran 4.7 or 5.5 miles, she considers that deliberate lying and I think that's too much BS.

I don't see the point in misleading people about your physical appearance or interests bc that will come out sooner or later.

Mostly I'd say lying on a profile is wrong, but I wouldn't expect a woman to detail her entire history either.

Lying about relationship status is a deal breaker, if you're not single and have serious attachments (emotional or the divorce isn't final) you should be honest with yourself and potential dates.

Well, lies of omission are a slippery slope. Someone can state they "live alone" when they actually live in a bedroom of their parent's house and qualify that as "well, I'm alone in my bedroom".

If a person can't talk honestly about their current situation I see a red flag. If they can't answer about their living situation, what they do for a living, whether they have kids/pets or not, its pretty shady.

We don't need to divulge every little secret right out the gate. As long as you're not intentionally deceitful, it's perfectly expected to share gradually, as trust and intimacy grows.

4.7 or 5.5 vs 5 miles is splitting hairs. However lying about your employment status, marital status, or legal status is big stuff. If your profile says single and I find out you're not, I will be out the door and on my way.

@Untamedshrew Sometimes you need to hold in some truths.

I tend to be extremely open, really too open for most people. I have no problem discussing my PTSD with strangers. It's not like that info can really be used against me, but I also understand why most people don't want those conversations.

I can see a lie of omission on a few things mentioned. If a woman was living w older parents to help them but she's financially independent I wouldn't mind what her profile said as long as she clarified after a few dates and it seemed like we might be good together.

Same thing w employment status, I'm self employed and doing ok but some people, especially women wanting security, might see that and interpret it as shady.

All this is stuff a couple will have to work out. I've had first dates where a woman seemed to care if I could have a normal conversation wt being too sexy and other conversations we talked deeply on many things. I didn't recall this, but my recent ex and I apparently talked a bit about sex on our first date and it seemed normal and natural for both of us. We didn't even have sex for 4 months despite talking a bit about sex.

10

I did not realize that this was a "dating site"- ?! Really-?? No,it is not okay. How and why would you start any friendship or relationship with a lie?? That would make it invalid from the start,which is why I gave up and remain single.

J-MaisOui Level 5 June 14, 2018

Yes, you are allowed to contact and date people here. I assume both have to agree.

It's a dating site and a social network. It's two - two- two sites in one!

@MrLizard

"Doublemint gum!"

@Purplelotuspod Good idea.

@Purplelotuspod, @LiterateHiker Then why am i still uncalled for!?! Ive been on here 3 times now.

8

Never. It's one thing to be discreet until you get to know someone better, don't be an open book right away. But don't fake who you are. Appreciate yourself and what you have to offer, even if it's not perfect.

bleurowz Level 8 June 15, 2018
8

I'm a brutal honesty type of gal. I always pick ugly truth over a pretty lie.

PhoebeCat Level 7 June 14, 2018
7

Hate liars. Not a good way to start.

7

I will google them anyway before committing to going on a real date, and look at their Facebook pages. If they are lying about their appearance, age, occupation, education, hobbies, pets. etc., I would immediately ghost them.

birdingnut Level 8 June 14, 2018
6

People lie when some aspect of their life is not what they want it to be. I've found giving into that compulsion just makes things uglier and more complicated.

Better to expose your own warts up front and be rejected on that basis than to be discovered to be a liar and rejected as a liar and inherently not trustworthy.

6

Not exactly lying, but there are a handful of scenarios where a half-truth would be acceptable. Some situations are too complicated for a profile and better left to a face to face conversation on the first date.

6

I recently ended a 20+ year friendship over a lie. Honesty is important.

Minta79 Level 7 June 14, 2018
6

I voted "A Relationship That Starts On A Lie Has No Future". Be yourself and you can worry less about rejection later or worse yet, going through marriage and then being asked for a refund later. I heard that can be very expensive.

5

Depends on the lie. Most of someones life is none of your business. If it is something just get someone to bed i don't see the harm, if it was a lie that hurt someone physically or financially in any way then thats a little different

Tejas Level 6 June 14, 2018

So its OK to manipulate someone's body or emotions, but you draw the line at physical scars and money? Good to know.

Wow.....just wow. I’m going to assume you’re not here for dating, right?

Wow. In my book the lie just to get someone into bed is about the worst lie of all. Thanks for being so open about that.

People lie all the time to get what they want in a relationship. If its lying to make themselves seem more appealing. who cares? just another little white lie to me.

For the record and for the crybabies above, I never said i was the lying type I consider myself a very honest person. I simply said i don't see the harm in lying about things that aren't your business.

5

"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you."

~Oscar Wilde

RoseyRose Level 6 June 14, 2018

Those are words to live by!

5

I did not realize that this was a "dating site"- ?! Really-??

J-MaisOui Level 5 June 14, 2018

Oh, should I qualify that with ANY dating site? They ask here if you're willing to date members of this site as you're filling out your profile, but maybe you skipped that part. They've also advertised this as a place to meet like minded singles on Facebook, or did you miss that as well?

Yup. But the website encourages people to make friends and have discussions first.

You earn website points, and help other members get to know you better, when you write an informational profile that includes your hobbies and interests, and answer all the profile questions, since that's the first place many people look when they see a new member.

Also, the website uses your profile to find member matches, so the more details you include, the better the match.

Then you make comments and write your own posts to earn more points and privileges; for instance, at level two you can private email people. You get different perks with each level, and when you reach level eight you get an agnostic T-shirt.

To find members near you, click on the "Meet" button at the top of the page, then on "Members," and enter your preferred search parameters.
Or click on the "About" button at the top of the page to find links to FAQ or the website tutorial.
Click on the 'Meet" button to find member matches

Links to FAQ: [agnostic.com],
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4

To the people that voted for "relationships built on lies have no future", some religions are over 5000 years old. I agree lies are bad and destroy relationships but bullshit can get a long way.

Bignate901 Level 6 June 15, 2018
4

People lie. It’s a fact of life. If you hold it against them, then you’ll never get together with anyone. The thing to pay attention to is whether the lie is malicious. Were they intending to deceive you for some nefarious purpose.
Most people lie about themselves because they have poor self images.

Gatovicolo Level 7 June 14, 2018

Great perspective. I have said, all men lie. It's probably true of women too. I've accepted it. It's fine with me now.

@confidentrealm
It won’t change anything if you get upset about it.

@Gatovicolo Perhaps it is not really lying. People tell themselves stories they make up so often they begin to believe it is the truth. Or perhaps it is just a different perspective instead of a bold face lie.

@confidentrealm
That’s sounds suspiciously like Sinefeld: Jerry, just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.

@Gatovicolo Sort of like religion... LOL

3

I am who I am and I am not a liar nor do I want to date a liar.

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