Phrases I hope to avoid in my obituary: "skeletal remains," "dumpster," "almost beyond recognition," "dental records" and "shallow grave."
19
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Dental records were required to identify the body of a Denver, Colorado man following recovery from underneath the floor boards of a local biker bar. The County Coroner indicates that the victim was found with a spiked dildo in what remained of his rectum and what was identified as the tire from a 2012 Harley Davidson CVO Softtail Convertable shoved down his throat.
Victim was last seen alive entering said establishment on the evening November 12, 2017 at approximately 8:00 pm, wearing assless chaps and an N'Sync t-shirt.
Anybody with information pertaining to this crime should contact the authorities immediately.
webbew1
Level 7
June 27, 2018
9
I like the sound of "presumed eaten by tigers".
Jnei
Level 8
June 27, 2018
5
Jnei:
@SACatWalker I'm told that they very quickly become used to humans and don't tend to attack those they've come to know - they just play. So, if a tiger ever sinks its meathook claws into your ribcage and its dagger teeth into your throat, it's just having a bit of fun.
...or just date a girl who knows where to hide the bodies.
SukiSue
Level 8
June 27, 2018
3
@maturin1919 At the very least, after they ax murder you none of the terms Duke mentioned will ever show anywhere... So good for you! 
"I told you I was sick" is what I want in mine. And on the headstone.
GoldenDoll
Level 7
June 27, 2018
6
always wanted mine to say something like"Wow! y'all aren't going to believe the buffet they got here."
alabama, barry manilow, bear, great height, trapped, and tainted hot dogs i would add.
hankster
Level 9
June 27, 2018
4
Freaking A on that Alabama thing! What a horrible place!
@AnneWimsey well yeah, but.....well yeah. the Space Center in Huntsville is kind of neat.
@hankster tourists are not Alabamians......
@AnneWimsey listen I'm from Tennessee, and I'm just not prepared to write off a whole state of folks because some have a reputation for being ignorant rednecks...... some are and some ain't and that's just how it is everywhere. I was making a joke about Alabama above just cuz that's what us folks from Tennessee do...... just like we might about yankees or something. btw... Huntsville has one of the highest concentrations of smart folks in the world..... rocket scientist on every street corner.
@hankster not native Alamama people though, are they?! I was married to a good old redneck boy from Eufaula, on the Georgia border, long enough to get permanent scars and a good sense of depend on myself or die.....i avoid Al. the way Thelma avoided Texas......
@AnneWimsey what I have found in my lifetime is people are pretty much the same everywhere for better and For Worse. I'm sorry you had that terrible experience though. I figure there's bad folks everywhere, and there's good ones too.
@hankster in the late 60's it was a recognized sport...getting drunk & beating the wife....cops would come and tell me I needed to try harder to just get along....not one bad apple, a bad culture! No help lines or shelters, why would anyone need that?!
@AnneWimsey I'm sure that it's not considered a center of progressive thought, but things have changed in 50 years for some better. but the mistreatment of women is not a local thing, nor is drinking too much, or lousy cops.... I am sincerely sorry for your experience tho.
Yeah....that don't sound to fun. Mine is cancer, comma, nursing home, fire, and Alzheimer. Geeze!
BucketlistBob
Level 8
June 27, 2018
5
I hope not.
Washed up on the beach. DNA results pending.
bigpawbullets
Level 9
June 27, 2018
5
You could add "lengthy criminal record" to that list...LOL
drumreaper
Level 5
June 27, 2018
4
Only ashes and one charred sneaker recovered
Surfpirate
Level 9
June 27, 2018
3
@Bierbasstard I always thought that spontaneous combustion would be an exciting and dramatic way to exit stage left.
We would miss you before the remains became skeletal, I hope...unless lye?
AnneWimsey
Level 9
June 27, 2018
2
![[agnostic.com]](https://agnostic.com/images/answers/107328_93vps3lypbc3pmd_full.jpeg?v=2){kind=link}
You might want to include "most of the remains were found..."
HippieChick58
Level 9
June 27, 2018
1
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