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I know the subject of age difference has come up a few times here. However, I'm curious. What would be your response when a much younger person tells you he/she is interested in getting to know you or having a relationship with you? Much younger, can be 15 or more years younger or half your age, or whatever you would consider to be much younger than you.

When that happens to me, my first thoughts would be that I would be messing up his life if we were to have a relationship. He has so much more life potential and future left ahead of him than a middle aged woman like me. He should be with his own kind and have fun and enjoy being young. I don't look my age so on many occasions younger people think I'm actually their age. And I would think, "I'm old enough to be your mother!!!". I mean, I do enjoy people of all ages (as long as they are of legal age) but these thoughts are always at the back of my mind.

graceylou 8 Aug 5
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79 comments

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8

In general, if I were into short term, a younger man would be ok. For a serious relationship, it would be difficult to imagine having a compatible mindset with a younger man. Anything is possible though and I wouldn't necessarily rule out anybody within say, 15 years.

I think age difference is more important during younger years. Seems like a an 18 year old and a 28 year old would be in relatively different places in their lives compared to a 48 year old and a 58 year old. Young people are facing a lot more life changes - education, career, family, while an older person is usually in a more settled state.

Yes, absolutely true. My bf is 27 currently and I'm 47. We've been together 2 years. He pursued me relentlessly though I wasn't interested in someone so young. At his age, he's old enough to have his own career and kids. May be that is my issue here, that he's at that age where many men would start thinking of getting married and having families. That sort of thing will not ever happen with me. He knows all that.

7

My best friend and lover is 21 years younger than me. Personally, I love it when younger women want me. Hell, I love it when women of almost any age want me. πŸ™‚

Mine's 20 and some odd months younger. Some days we are at par. Some days I feel like I'm housetraining a puppy dog. Puppies are cute but could be a handful.

6

I've had longterm relationships with men much younger than me anywhere from 21 years younger to 11 years younger and they have all been like any other relationship. We had much in common, were loving, enjoyed the same activities. It wasn't age that ended these relationships. It was other no related issues. I don't consider age an issue unless he does not yet have children. I don't want to take the experience of being a father away from him. But jokingly told one young man "Hey, I'll probably be dead in 25 years and you'll still be young enough to move on, start a new life and have a family". Kinda morbid but that's life.

6

I don't believe age should be an issue. What you share in commonality and how compatible you are is what matters

6

Good Grief. We sure do conjure up enough barriers in our minds, don't we? And guess what - what's going on inside my head and your heads IS NOT REAL.

Ageism to me is bigotry writ large. Now I'm sure I'll get a barrage of, "Well, this is what happened to me..." - and you know what? It doesn't matter what happened to somebody else.

Age is just a number. Race is scientifically irrelevant. If a person is brave enough to express interest in you, why should you do anything but be smart, listen and learn about that person. Prejudging them is so, well, religious.

You are right. We do invent issues where there might be none. Although like in any relationship there could be situations arising that are age related or not age related.

6

Maybe it’s different for β€˜older’ women, but I would be suspicious if a much younger woman said she was interested in me. I can’t get women my own age to notice me.

5

So you like each other. You are adults. Stop worrying and enjoy yourselves! Easy!

Livia Level 6 Aug 9, 2018
5

I’m not overly humble, but if an attractive much younger woman contacts me (as has occurred a few times on dating sites), chances are it’s a scam.

5

I have dated much younger than me and older than me, the one that was much younger actually acted more mature than the older one! Age is just a number! Depends on the person!

5

Let the other person decide what is best for their own life...women live longer than men and you could have a wonderful life together....why would you be ruining anyone's life if he wants to be with you? The only consideration is if he wants children...in that case, that will be something he has to deal with from the beginning. Things do change, but being middle aged is not a reason to not let love happen.

Good answer.

4

I would enjoy the ride as long as possible! ? Older men do it all the time!

Oh I do. I would just like to have a fun relationship. He's the one who wants more I guess. More from me that is.

4

I had a relationship with a woman 17 years younger and it worked fine but if she hadn't pushed it , it wouldn't have happened. There's a bit of a disconnect with history, songs, movies etc but these days those things can be caught up on. If the younger person chooses it, you should go with it. It's flattering and as long as they are old enough to know the pitfalls, it's no different than any other relationship if you two connect. Just my two cents.

lerlo Level 8 Aug 5, 2018
4

Age doesn't mean much to me. I am lucky if they don't run away screaming or laughing maniacly.

4

I've always dated people who were older than me. My goals and my maturity level just matches those folks better than people who are within a year or two of my age. Although, I'd be open to dating younger people or people much older than me, if everything clicked and I happened to be single.

Mea Level 7 Aug 5, 2018
4

I read somewhere that the following is an accepted guideline for age difference for a male anyway.. but of course it depends on the couple..

Acceptable age difference is half your age +7

Who is setting the 'acceptable' boundary? I'm neither agreeing or disagreeing, however I am curious who the 'acceptable' monitor is?

I have heard of that. But yeah, who decides that.

@patchoullijulie @gracielou

It's just taken off the internet..can't for the life of me remember where..but it doesn't really matter..it was only a guide..and I think within reason two consenting adults can do pretty much what they please..and they certainly do..

@Hitchens Absolutely and yes they do! πŸ˜€

3

The cliche is "age is just a number", but in the situations where I have been the younger party, I quite relished the aspect of being exposed to a more mature view of things. As the older party, I relished the energy and vitality of those I have been with. There are basic realities. A wider gap between ages means diverse exposure to norms and peer values. So I think it comes down to expectations and the definition of the relationship.

3

I prefer older men, 10-20 years older. 3-5 years younger is my limit. I’m usually just honest with them and tell them I’m not into younger men but know many women are and wish them luck

3

Whatever and whomever you are comfortable with.l don't think you are too old for me at all. ?

You aren't too old for me either. LOL.

@graceylou A sweet answer. ?

3

Been there done that. I look younger than my age-have always dated younger. I am friends with my last bf who was 25 years younger. I have found love here with Dan who is close to my age. Do what feels right to you. Timing is everything.

3

15 years younger or half my age? She would be 16-17 years old.

My response: GET AWAY!!!!

I did say the definition of much younger varies.

Half your age and then plus 7. For someone who is 32, the younger age becomes 23. For someone who is 20, the younger age becomes 17. Personally IMO, once the younger becomes 21 or older, it's a matter of maturity.

3

I've had one marriage and several relationships with men who were younger than myself.
I've had several relationships with older men.
Age really can be an issue, if it's allowed to be.
It doesn't have to be, but there will always be those, outside the relationship,
who will feel compelled to 'contribute' their two-cents about it.

People are always going to talk, make snide comments, have negative attitudes,
tell rude jokes.

You (and your partner) can either let it bother you, or not.

3

Chance would be a fine thing. I will let you know if it ever happens

3

I would say something along the lines of: "I appreciate your interest, however, I do not think it will be something that will work out in the long-term. I just don't think we really do have much in common."

2

In my experience all my friends were married so it might have made me hurry to marry at 21 and the woman was 34 and had 4 kids. It worked for a couple of years. In the end we remained friends over the years. She's dead now and so are 2 of the kids.

Next I'm 24 and ran off with a 16 year old. Still in the same family as the first one here, but this time around I end up with 2 daughters even though the relationship is not good.

In 1974 I ran off with a woman who had 8 kids and ended up helping raise half of them. She was 18 years older than me and we got along fine. She died of a heart attack in 1984 but my 2 daughters from the earlier marriage had come to live with us. The youngest after I found myself alone again.

In 2004 I went to Kenya at 58 to meet my future wife of the Luo tribe. She was 28 at the time and we were married 12 years. We spent over 10 years of this together. We remain friends today and we had no children together. I haven't seen her in 2 years but we both still live alone.

Throw misguided religion in between all this and there are my loves and relationships. Young or older didn't matter to me. Three white women and one black. No big deal.

WOW. That’s quite a life story.

@graceylou It doesn't make a lot of sense really. In between it all you find weavings of Evangelical religion and extreme right wing politics. Today I am as liberal as they come. Earth is a crayon box and we are the crayons.

2

I have to say that I'm very happy that you're cognizant of the dilemma at the age difference presents. That is not to say that you and he couldn't have a very long loving relationship but there will be a point where he's going to still be young relatively young and then he's going to have to take care of you. that is unless God forbid he gets a rare disease and you have to take care of him. It is something that he has to come into with his eyes wide open it is something that you have to talk about with him.

I am a massage therapist and I have seen first-hand (pun intended) what kind of effect it has on people when they enter into these kinds of relationships where the age difference is tremendous. Of course it's made more complicated when the couple ends up having children. I had one client where the female in the relationship was in her late 20s or early 30s and the guy in the relationship was in his 60s. When I met them she was in her fifties and he was in his 80s and their two kids were in college. the wife had to explain all the time that that was her husband not her father and the kids always had to explain to people that he was their dad not their grandfather and he struggled because he wanted to do things and be as lively as they needed him to be but he just could not. this is the relationship that I saw more in depth but I shall more. There was one where there was some disparity and age but the real problem was that he got dementia and she was in denial and when that happens it doesn't matter whether there's one year difference or 10 years.

My situation isn't actually about age difference per se because my other relationships are/were with much older men and they have/had lasted 10 years or more. I know what to expect in those situations. It's about much younger men specifically which are not my usual type.

@graceylou it sounds like the question that you are asking is concerning your own emotional limitations and insecurities with having a romantic with a younger man. You maybe the only one who can answer your own feelings about this or at least someone who knows you and your younger boyfriend and that person can specifically address this question.

I can say that my sister is married to a man 5 years younger than she is and for her that had never happened before but she never questions the subject of age because was entirely in love. That is an ok example but not great because their age difference is not that extreme.

I wish you and your boyfriend the best outcome and much love.

@Honey-bChanger Thank you. I was just wondering if others felt the same or completely different. He knows how I feel and when I mention that he thinks I’m trying to push him away. I should just leave the subject alone.

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