There are times when a grudge is an act of self preservation and self respect. It is a natural human response to a wrong done without remorse or apology, without acknowledgment of the hurt, without amends. It is a sanction on someone that has had a negative affect on one's life and the victim desires to live their life without the reminder of that negative act.

Forgiveness is a grace that is not always directly associated with the decision to keep a person out of one's life. (Or if that's not possible, deny them the opportunity to commit the wrong again.) Granted there are varying degrees of grudges. Little things - sure - let it go. Big things? That's another story.

My feeling is that when someone does something low-down and dirty to you, feels no remorse, and you had to pay a high price for their cruel deed, what is wrong about sparing yourself from their presence in your life?

Someone was wrong, someone was right, why equalize it and pretend it didn't matter? A person is still suffering the consequences, after being used as a doormat.

Of course, if they were to realize the affect their actions had and were remorseful, that is another thing. Until then - for me in my case - I will live a happy life without the person who wronged me.

I think the best thing I’ve ever read about holding a grudge is this: “Holding a grudge is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Here you are, with a knot of toxic anger in your stomach and they’re not even thinking about you. You need to let go of all that hate, not for them, but to get peace for yourself.

Never hold an grudge,but remember the Bastards name.

No. If someone fucks me over they just don't exist anymore. You can't hold a grudge against a non-entity.

There is a word for those who 'forgive' without amends offered...
Victim ... Future victim... Repeat victim...
'forgiveness" without amends is the REAL SELF RIGHTOUSNESS...

Grudges must serve an evolutionary purpose or they wouldn't be so easy and natural to have. I'm guessing that if someone harms you, having a grudge would prevent you from being harmed again.

I think that a more mindful approach would work just as well. Separate the emotional content from the pragmatic need. I need to remember this person isn't safe or reliable or honest or whatever, and limit my interactions so that I'm not vulnerable. But there's no percentage in nursing anger toward them; that only harms me. I regard a "grudge" as "experience memory" plus superfluous anger. It's also often a form of disappointed love (or at least disappointed expectations).

Maybe this is left over from a time when our ability to reason wasn't as great, and we had to rely more on the emotional content of an experience than on the memory or full conceptualization of it? I don't know.

Holding a grudge wastes energy and only makes the grudge holder feel bad.

Nope. Holding grudges only weighs me down.

I definitely hold grudges. To me, it just means that they are never going to be back in my life; I have let them go and the grudges serves to protect me and keep me sane. Fortunately, most of the people I have had grudges against are dead or will be soon.

I do not hold grudges. But if I have lost my trust in a person, or if my experience is that the person will only cause me pain, I simply cut off all contact. It is not an effort to punish the person, but simply an avoidance of pain on my part.

No, I don't. When I was a kid, I'd hold onto anger. I don't know what caused me to think about it, but I convinced myself that doing that was a negative influence in my life. Anger sustained is useless in terms of any value one might imagine it has, and it hurts the self.

I don’t hold grudges as it is just not worth the effort or energy. It keeps the drama in my life at a manageable amount.

Holding a grudge is like holding a heavy stone and getting angry that the other person isn't getting weighed down too.

It does no one any good, and just makes your life harder for its presence.

I'm not sure that holding a grudge is wrong. If someone wrongs me, why do I want that in my life? I hold grudges, but I'm also aware people can change. If someone cares enough to right the wrong, my mind can change too. Until then, grudge away.

Loving relationships work best when we add a certain spirit, an attitude of goodwill. I wouldn't know a grudge if it mugged me.

Holding onto resentments, anger and grudges just hurts the grudge-holder. Playing victim is a stuck position. Nothing changes.

It's poison to your immune system, mind and well-being.

I believe that it is just a self-righteous thing! It's sad that people are this way!

Pointless to hold grudges. Why would anyone want to give another person that much power over them?

I don't really think emotions are controllable. With age we usually get conditioned on how to react to the stimuli, but I don't think it's an actionable thing on our parts.

Grudges remind you that there are people who will pick your pocket while giving you a hug.

Prevents you from letting them do it again.

I'd have to admit that I find it more satisfying to simply bring the situation to a swift conclusion instead. This usually involves rage & revenge. Sometimes referred to as R&R by veterans.

I do hold grudges....learned it from my mom. It serves no purpose and just makes me irritable and angry. Something I'm working on but it's difficult.

Grudges only hurt the person holding the grudge. I'm not saying to forget what that person has done, but realize the past can't be changed and move on

I cannot forgive and forget but I do not hold grudges. Let me explain. IF you do something that others think I should "forgive and forget" I take this something as proof of how you are. I will always remember it as such. Whatever it was, I won't be able to change that about you. It may happen that you learn from the experience and move forward yourself, and it may not.

As far as anger goes, I might flare up very angry at something but I will come down off of that just as quickly as it was when the anger rose. My reasoning here is that you cannot change what is done or un-do it. You cannot "cry over spilled milk" so to speak. With this line of thinking I am NOT the man who punches holes in doors or walls, or punches you. It does not good to do these things.

I don't hold grudges. They are toxic to me.