Agnostic.com

37 9

An acquaintance of mine who is aware I am not a believer, keeps inviting me church functions like picnics & other social events. Several years ago I went to a christmas concert. I had nothing else to do that Saturday afternoon & I like music. Her pastor ended up sermonizing for at least 1/2 an hour of the 'concert'.

Since then I've declined most other invitations because these functions are much too "preachy" for me. Still she keeps persisting.

Finally, last weekend I lost my patience & asked her why she didn't take the hint & stop inviting me to these things.I wasn't interested in being preached to under the guise of entertainment.

She got into a snit & said I was "insulting" her closely held beliefs. I reminded her that she'd shown no respect for my beliefs over the years.

Could I have handled this in another, more diplomatic way?

S

kozmic 6 Aug 13

Post a comment Reply Add Photo

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

37 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

6

You were much more polite than I would have been.

It seems as though you've endured quite enough belittling and disrespect.

How much do you value this "friendship"?

5

Respect is a 2-way street

4

Tell her it's time to grow up and abandon her childish beliefs. If she gets offended, say, "Welcome to the real world of facts." I've lost quite a few "friends" that way. Trust me, it's worth it.

Certain brains, my friend, can't process what you say.

@DUCHESSA True. That's where they unfriend you. LOL

@bluesmagoos ....and I am grateful to them for that

4

At that point, no.

4

nope constant badgering is insulting to a friendship she knew your beliefs and chose to continue to insult it by ignoring it if its a close friendship you should get past it if its just an acqaintance then who knows.

4

You didn't insult her beliefs. It seems as though her mentality is that, if you attend enough of these functions, you will realize the error of your ways.

Some people just don't get it.

4

Yeah they spend all the time trying to cram their religious crap down your throat but when you tell them to leave you alone you've offended their beliefs what a bunch of hypocritical assholes

4

She may not see your non belief as something to think about. Or respect and she can't even understand it.

3

You probably could have but she would not get it and she would continue. They do not deserve to have the high ground.

Do it like the comedians do. "You believe what? That's the most stupid fucking thing I have ever heard."

3

You put up with it FAR longer than I ever would have.
You handled it just fine. Actually really damned proud of you for
pointing out her hypocrisy to her when you had the opportunity.
If she wants to be in a snit, fuck her.

2

She has apparently picked you to try to convert you to her church. No, there's no polite way to say no, because she won't accept no for an answer. She's using the manipulation techniques that the church has taught her. Yes, they actually talk over strategies for converting people. Her snit was part of the act, so don't feel bad about it. You didn't try telling HER what to believe, after all. Not following someone else's religion is not insulting them.

I heard a good comment recently that when Santa Claus lands on my roof I'll believe in him. Well, when god personally appears out of thin air and invites me to a church I'll go.

2

While there is always a more diplomatic way of handling any situation, hindsight is always 20/20. If you had politely declined her invitations repeatedly and she still asked several times more, I think you did what anyone else probably would have done. You are only responsible for your own actions and feelings, not hers. Diplomacy only goes so far sometimes and then you have to be more direct. What I see is her being in the wrong but not being able to accept responsibility for it. I don't see how you insulted her beliefs when she clearly did not respect yours. Given the situation, I think you handled it OK.

2

I think you should have been way more honest since the beginning. And not let it go that far. I guarantee you that she was taking you attending those events as her doing “god’s work”, trying to convince you.

But what happened, happened. And as you explained it, you did the right thing given the circumstances.

Good luck in the future.

2

NO. I think your reaction was perfect!

2

I'd say you were good.

However, I am perhaps them most outspoken atheist I know and, surrounded by theists, live alone with no expectations of every finding a suitable rational (not theist) woman to share my life with so my opinion is rather biased.

2

Diplomacy doesn't work in trying to reason with a person with a narrow, self-imposed,intolerant frame of reference. It can be neither appreciated nor understood by them.

I'm happy for you at least that you recognize or relate to them as an acquaintance and not a friend.

2

I think you did well. If you want respect, learn to respect others.

JimG Level 8 Aug 13, 2018
1

There's always a 'more diplomatic way' but here you have someone who you've identified as 'an acquaintance' as opposed to a friend, who knows your belief system, but continues to ask you to join her, and when you reach your limit of having to decline, are accused of 'insulting' her belief system. It seems to me that most believers, of whom I was once a member, never once consider how 'insulting' that their repeated solicitations and even proselytizing very often is to the uninterested nonbeliever.

1

Perhaps you shouldn't have stewed so long that you lost your patience? I don't know. But I can pretty much guarantee you that your friend is confusing lack of interest with "insult", or, more exactly, personal attack, and that is HER problem, not yours. To most fundamentalists, anyone who doesn't share their enthusiasms constitute an irrational perception of an existential threat.

1

Perhaps you could have been more diplomatic, but sometimes people don't understand anything unless you are totally blunt. You are entitled to express how you feel

1

Nope.

1

Possibly but I like your response =)

1

religious freedom merely means that they get to pound you with theirs instead of vice versa.

1

You must be quite young because the answer was to never even get to that point., Be proud of yourself and amplify that with respectful ways that they are out too lunch and you do not want to go
In our younger years we continue to care about hurting other;s feelings and that is a wonderful training ground for reality, We know we are good, as to even care, but the only reason they keep trying is that they do believe you are the one lacking and they can indeed save you.
You are the one knowing and you may serve them a wonderful experience by saying bye bye

EMC2 Level 8 Aug 13, 2018
1

It's her choice to be insulted - even though I don't believe you insulted her at all, but was merely straight with her.
I've had some similar experiences with so called entertainment venues.
They just can't seem to stop selling !

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:154706
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.