Agnostic.com

71 15

I am 48. I give myself a 5% chance to fall in love again and that's probably a very optimistic number. I think the older you are the more picky you get so the chance of falling on love diminish every day. What do you guys think?

EggMcMuffin 5 Sep 13
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

71 comments (26 - 50)

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

3

I am not hopeful about being in a relationship when I live in a conservative, uneducated, Trump loving corridor of churches. There is a church near every school, more than one on nearly every street and the few single men I have met want to change me into their idea of a traditional lady but pay my own way.

I am paying my own way and having shit my own way as well.

I do not know any other non believers near my age of any gender. Added to the above problems is that I am related to people of color and will not tolerate that racist bullshit my area is so fond of.

I get up at 3am for work so go to bed too early to socialize. Sometimes I think I may be lonely for adult companionship as I spend my off hours with my grandkids since they live here but even they are outgrowing me.

It is true that I am more intolerant of things I accepted when I was young but I spent a lot of years just being alive rather than living. At least I respect myself now.

3

Love isn't hard. Negotiating an adult relationship is the mind killer.

3

I don’t think that’s true , the older you get , the more you want someone by your side to share things with

3

Looking back, I think I rushed things, and was willing to accept things just to have love. With time and experience, I have learned the difference between compromise and losing myself for the sake of acceptance. Although I am open to love, I am also happy with where I am in life. I think that, if I am in a relationship again, it will be on a completely different level.

3

Love can be found in many places, i.e. pets, family. True happiness comes from within. Besides it's just a chemical in your brain.

3

I am right there with you. Almost 47, single with no appreciable relationships for the last 6 years. It's fine to think positively but at some point the reality of the situation has to be embraced. Hang in there and try to be happy anyway.

3

I don't (maybe won't?) believe that.
I am more capable of a relationship now than I ever was and most of the people I meet are more open and honest about their lives as well. I think we just get to cut through the BS faster these days.
I see it as an advantage more than a disadvantage...

3

5% seems a bit optimistic doesn't it? I mean look who you're dating now. She can't be that great of a conversationalist. ?

She is cold, stone cold... Not much of a conversationalist either.

3

I'm only 28 but I've pretty much given up on the idea of falling in love again but honestly, the prospect is kind of exciting. Focusing on and cultivating non-romantic relationships has been the best investment I've ever made. Not putting up with the BS of others is honestly glorious. Do you want to fall in love again?

3

I went through a divorce at age 57 after over 30 years of trying to live with a woman with borderline personality disorder. At age 58, I married a bright, caring lady and we have been married for 23 years. She was 50 when we married.

3

I used to be much older. You are only young once but immaturity can last a lifetime. I fall in love at least once or twice a week. In the sixties one slogan was "this is the first day of the rest of your life". Now I'm closing in on seventy and my slogan is "this is the first day of what's left of your life". Love is not a winning hand. Love is a mediocre hand played well. Watch things happen, make things happen, or stand around asking what happened? There's a great children's book called "The Velveteen Rabbit ". Find the passage in there where the rabbit asks the hair horse what it means to be real. That will give you a clue.

2

First of all, I think this is a great contribution. Thank you, @EggMcMuffin. And to all those who shared their stories and feedback.

Okay, on to my dos centimos.

I'm 44 and have never been married. Although I would love to find someone who would love me as much as I love him/her (or whose attraction for me is somewhere in the general range of my attraction for them), I've also come to terms with the likelihood that that boat has sailed. Besides, I'm probably better off single. It may seem as if I'm just telling myself that, but considering how stressful relationships can be (and I'm not exactly a simple person), I'm pretty sure that's true.

That guesstimate, by the way, is kinda like my certainty about the existence of God. A strong hunch based on empirical evidence (or the lack thereof).

I guess it depends on--should you find somewhere you're interested in and who's interested in you--how willing you are to be the person your beloved wants you to be. We all have our checkboxes, our non-negotiables for a partner (as they do for us), and some of us have much longer lists than others.

In any case, believing that I'm better off where I'm at has so far been a good survival tactic. Should someone come along and prove me wrong by making me fall in love with them, however, it would be a pleasant surprise. (In the meantime, I'll happily accept any FWBs and/or cuddle buddies who meet my exacting standards.)

Whatever happens, I wish you--all of you--the happiness you deserve.

Thank you for your kind words. We see eye to eye. I am not depressed, more like resigned. I am not discounting the possibility of falling in love, I just don't see it happening. I do enjoy life as much as possible.

@EggMcMuffin Good for you. High five!

2

I've gotten a bit cynical about the whole 'falling in love again' thing myself. Was (mostly) happily married for a lot of years, and still love her (mutually we have no desire to be married any longer), but am not in love with her (and vice versa). She's now just a good friend who I happened to have been naked with regularly for 20+ years.

I remain very interested in intimacy, finding one or more kindred spirits that I can spend time with, and shared interests and activities - but I'm not seeing that I have much probability of falling in love again in that same way again. But good luck to you if that is what you seek.

2

I’m quite certain that I will find much happiness in my future . Life in general always gets more complicated though .Being selective should be a requirement for your soul and ensure personal happiness.................................BUT Being too set in your ways will guarantee loneliness !

2

Never say never.

Deb57 Level 8 Sep 15, 2018
2

I'm done. Being "in love" isn't worth the aggravation.
But that's just me.

2

True, but I would not let it get to you. Be grateful that you can say ‘fall in love again’.

2

I'm sorry you're feeling so low. In the absence of other factors, however, you have a high statistical chance of finding someone. For men, since it has traditionally been expected that their partners will be younger, as you age, the size of the pool opens up. For women, it gets much smaller if you follow the 'marriage gradient' which shows that men tend to partner with women who are younger, less well educated, shorter, and less well off.
Again from the research, it seems that men who are single are choosing to be by rejecting the available options, while women just don't have options.

So try to open your eyes and look around you. There are women everywhere -- in clubs, on sports teams, on websites like this -- sort of everywhere. If you decide you want a partner, you might look for someone with whom you share interests and compatibility. Falling in any regard is painful. People in long term relationships describe their partners as their best friends.

@RandomMonkey Ah, but you're missing the up side. Older, richer, well educated women lose potential partners as they age. If you don't mind having a partner who is well off, sophisticated, and past the drama of youth, you can probably find a lot of women who would be interested in you.

2

I think it can happen for all of us. BUT it won't happen if we sit home feeling bad for ourselves. Go out, make new friends, find stuff to do.. Do things you wouldn't normally do.. And don't let finding the one be the only thing you have going on in your life. Romance finds me most often when I'm not looking for it.

I agree. I have decided to quit looking. Last time I quit looking the sweetest man showed up at my door. I was fortunate to have spent nine months with him before he died unexpectedly. Now here I am again, hoping it will happen once more.

2

I think u r lucky I am not your friend or near u when I red this . I will have hit u on the head . 5% my eye , how u got up w this number . Listen mister , u got out of bed today right ? Great ! That indicates u r Alive .
U can be alone and be very happy u know . But if u don't want to be alone and if u think it's too late bcz 48 or whatever math u did there , then snap out of that crap . Love can happen and will happen if u want it to happen . If it's gonna be great or not , up to u and who u will chose , and STILL things can go shity . So ? The itching and scratching of life my friend , is all worth it in many ways !
I ll be 48 next month ! See if I care . !!! There are probably 48 losers I can chose from if I walk down the street and sane goes for u .
Take the time , and fall for something better than a loser ? Capish ? Ughhhh !

2

That’s seriously pessimistic. I’ll be 48 this month, I’ve never been in better health mentally or physically. I know it will happen.. when, I don’t know but it will. In the meantime, I work on enriching my life in many positive ways.

2

surry to be you. I plan to fall in love several times and older than you

2

i was 48 when i met the man with whom i fell in love. he was just shy of 52. i'm 66 and a half now and we're still together. as for being pickier, isn't that a GOOD thing? that's how you find the right one!

g

2

Never say never!! Never give up. If you don't find it..it will find you no matter what age.

2

"A little in love with everything" -Al McDougal

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:178401
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.