I am 48. I give myself a 5% chance to fall in love again and that's probably a very optimistic number. I think the older you are the more picky you get so the chance of falling on love diminish every day. What do you guys think?
I am not hopeful about being in a relationship when I live in a conservative, uneducated, Trump loving corridor of churches. There is a church near every school, more than one on nearly every street and the few single men I have met want to change me into their idea of a traditional lady but pay my own way.
I am paying my own way and having shit my own way as well.
I do not know any other non believers near my age of any gender. Added to the above problems is that I am related to people of color and will not tolerate that racist bullshit my area is so fond of.
I get up at 3am for work so go to bed too early to socialize. Sometimes I think I may be lonely for adult companionship as I spend my off hours with my grandkids since they live here but even they are outgrowing me.
It is true that I am more intolerant of things I accepted when I was young but I spent a lot of years just being alive rather than living. At least I respect myself now.
Looking back, I think I rushed things, and was willing to accept things just to have love. With time and experience, I have learned the difference between compromise and losing myself for the sake of acceptance. Although I am open to love, I am also happy with where I am in life. I think that, if I am in a relationship again, it will be on a completely different level.
I don't (maybe won't?) believe that.
I am more capable of a relationship now than I ever was and most of the people I meet are more open and honest about their lives as well. I think we just get to cut through the BS faster these days.
I see it as an advantage more than a disadvantage...
I'm only 28 but I've pretty much given up on the idea of falling in love again but honestly, the prospect is kind of exciting. Focusing on and cultivating non-romantic relationships has been the best investment I've ever made. Not putting up with the BS of others is honestly glorious. Do you want to fall in love again?
I used to be much older. You are only young once but immaturity can last a lifetime. I fall in love at least once or twice a week. In the sixties one slogan was "this is the first day of the rest of your life". Now I'm closing in on seventy and my slogan is "this is the first day of what's left of your life". Love is not a winning hand. Love is a mediocre hand played well. Watch things happen, make things happen, or stand around asking what happened? There's a great children's book called "The Velveteen Rabbit ". Find the passage in there where the rabbit asks the hair horse what it means to be real. That will give you a clue.
First of all, I think this is a great contribution. Thank you, @EggMcMuffin. And to all those who shared their stories and feedback.
Okay, on to my dos centimos.
I'm 44 and have never been married. Although I would love to find someone who would love me as much as I love him/her (or whose attraction for me is somewhere in the general range of my attraction for them), I've also come to terms with the likelihood that that boat has sailed. Besides, I'm probably better off single. It may seem as if I'm just telling myself that, but considering how stressful relationships can be (and I'm not exactly a simple person), I'm pretty sure that's true.
That guesstimate, by the way, is kinda like my certainty about the existence of God. A strong hunch based on empirical evidence (or the lack thereof).
I guess it depends on--should you find somewhere you're interested in and who's interested in you--how willing you are to be the person your beloved wants you to be. We all have our checkboxes, our non-negotiables for a partner (as they do for us), and some of us have much longer lists than others.
In any case, believing that I'm better off where I'm at has so far been a good survival tactic. Should someone come along and prove me wrong by making me fall in love with them, however, it would be a pleasant surprise. (In the meantime, I'll happily accept any FWBs and/or cuddle buddies who meet my exacting standards.)
Whatever happens, I wish you--all of you--the happiness you deserve.
I've gotten a bit cynical about the whole 'falling in love again' thing myself. Was (mostly) happily married for a lot of years, and still love her (mutually we have no desire to be married any longer), but am not in love with her (and vice versa). She's now just a good friend who I happened to have been naked with regularly for 20+ years.
I remain very interested in intimacy, finding one or more kindred spirits that I can spend time with, and shared interests and activities - but I'm not seeing that I have much probability of falling in love again in that same way again. But good luck to you if that is what you seek.
I’m quite certain that I will find much happiness in my future . Life in general always gets more complicated though .Being selective should be a requirement for your soul and ensure personal happiness.................................BUT Being too set in your ways will guarantee loneliness !
I'm sorry you're feeling so low. In the absence of other factors, however, you have a high statistical chance of finding someone. For men, since it has traditionally been expected that their partners will be younger, as you age, the size of the pool opens up. For women, it gets much smaller if you follow the 'marriage gradient' which shows that men tend to partner with women who are younger, less well educated, shorter, and less well off.
Again from the research, it seems that men who are single are choosing to be by rejecting the available options, while women just don't have options.
So try to open your eyes and look around you. There are women everywhere -- in clubs, on sports teams, on websites like this -- sort of everywhere. If you decide you want a partner, you might look for someone with whom you share interests and compatibility. Falling in any regard is painful. People in long term relationships describe their partners as their best friends.
I think it can happen for all of us. BUT it won't happen if we sit home feeling bad for ourselves. Go out, make new friends, find stuff to do.. Do things you wouldn't normally do.. And don't let finding the one be the only thing you have going on in your life. Romance finds me most often when I'm not looking for it.
I think u r lucky I am not your friend or near u when I red this . I will have hit u on the head . 5% my eye , how u got up w this number . Listen mister , u got out of bed today right ? Great ! That indicates u r Alive .
U can be alone and be very happy u know . But if u don't want to be alone and if u think it's too late bcz 48 or whatever math u did there , then snap out of that crap . Love can happen and will happen if u want it to happen . If it's gonna be great or not , up to u and who u will chose , and STILL things can go shity . So ? The itching and scratching of life my friend , is all worth it in many ways !
I ll be 48 next month ! See if I care . !!! There are probably 48 losers I can chose from if I walk down the street and sane goes for u .
Take the time , and fall for something better than a loser ? Capish ? Ughhhh !