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I want to fall in love and be loved. I wonder why that is so hard

LadyAlyxandrea 8 Nov 13

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28 comments

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7

Lol I am comfortable alone. Too comfortable. I wouldn't say I'm actively searching I just get lonely sometimes

4

Me too, but at least I have experienced it before. It is hard to trust again once you have had your trust broken.

Indeed. It seems to me I become less willing to trust the older and more experienced I become, and that's in addition to the general issue of extending trust to a potential significant other.

4

I feel the same.

3

I wish I had the answer to that question. I've been looking all my life. Just when I think I've met him, something happens. So frustrating.

3

No idea, but it always seems like the people who I find most likeable have the hardest time finding love.
I wish I could match make. I know so many great, single people.

you can 🙂 set up a website and facebook page

@celticagent I don't have the personality traits which would enable me to do so.

Ha!

@Donotbelieve what are those? I don't know you personally, but I've read your comments on here. You're kind, thoughtful, supportive and intelligent. I think you would be good at whatever you like. If that's match-making, I think you'd be good at it.

@celticagent You are too kind. Thank you.

No. I really do not have extended bouts of any of those qualities. They come in spurts and I try to foster it, but in reality...I could not deal with people for much longer than a few minutes and I would feel too controlling and intrusive running such a site. Plus, I hate fb. ☺

I greatly dislike being intrusive or meddlesome.

@Donotbelieve but isn't match making just connecting people who would be good for each other? Is it being intrusive or meddlesome?

@celticagent Possibly, but it would be too involved for my taste.

@Donotbelieve I get you 🙂 As someone who's been self employed for more than 2 decades, I understand what you mean 🙂😀

@celticagent Yes. I'm self employed, as well. You do get me. Nice.

@Donotbelieve oh? cool! What is your business if you don't mind my asking?

@celticagent I'm a nanny.

@Donotbelieve no kidding! That's awesome 🙂 Nurses and nannies. I have enormous respect for you.

@celticagent thank you I love my job

@Donotbelieve what's not to love? As a parent of two boys (well, one's an adult now), I know how rewarding it can be. I started my youngest on piano when he showed interest at the age of 4 or so. He's now got a real teacher (I teach violin mostly) and doing really well!

3
3

It is one of those things that get harder the more you try, it will not happen until you chill. It happens to most people sooner or later, especially if you are not self absorbed. Speaking as someone who is, I think, a LOT older, all I can say is that you do not always "fall" in love, often it just creeps up on you over time and one day you turn round and realize that you have been deeply in love for a long time, and had only just noticed. The way to find it, I think, though it may not be the same for everyone, is not to go dating etc. but to do things that interest you socially, help with a charity, join a walking club, travel with a group, etc. Not only will that widen your circle of friends, but it will widen it especially among people who share your interests and likes, and while you are doing it you will also widen your experiences, and that will make you seem a more interesting and worth while person to those who may love you. Then one day one of your new friends will turn to you and say. "I would like you to meet .......... I know you have a lot in common." And then?

2

Because it takes time to get to know someone. Besides, not all men are as wonderful as me.

2

Me too. At this point in my life, I wonder if I am even capable of having a romantic relationship. It's like I am not psychologically equipped to handle anything but solitude.

Buxx Level 7 Nov 13, 2018

I feel the same way. Maybe that's why I'm single. I'm enjoying being alone since I have no other choice.

2

I wish I knew. All I can do is commiserate. ?

2

Learn to love your own company, what you are, and people will be attracted to that. And if they're not, you are happy in your own company

2

It took me until I was 45, I hope it goes quicker for you! 🙂

2

I wonder that too, from time to time.

1

I want this too. I want the things that you want but the biggest problem I have is that things change. Yes, things change and people change and I'm always the one who is the most resistant to that change. I can honestly say that I believe this is why people do not stay together.

I always wanted to have a relationship where we change together, grow closer. But it seems I can't keep anything going that long.

1

I've only met people in real life through hobbies and work. I think dating websites and apps are not a good way to get to know someone.

What are your hobbies? Are any of them social? For example, do you play a musical instrument, and can join a band or orchestra? Other ideas are hiking clubs (the Appalachian Mountain Club is an excellent way to meet fit, intelligent, educated people), social clubs (atheist groups)...

Unfortunately my disability keeps me pretty bedridden except for work and appointments

@LadyAlyxandrea oh sorry to hear that.

@celticagent it's okay. I just wish more hot single doctors were available lol jk

1

After visiting some friends here in my Navy reunion the reasons are clearer to me anyway. I have evolved beyond the humdrum inane things and it is very hard to encounter someone that has had life realizations that have matured their thoughts.

Yep you have to be the same level the same time. One of my oldest dearest friends was like that. We had mad crushes on each other, just not together.

Could be. I was just talking about that with a friend, I read so much, I feel like everybody should think like me but they don't. I just need to accept my special future someone as they are.

1

Often it comes unexpected, when you are not really looking. It is also different for everyone. However, that is not to say that you do not search out your love. Mine found me, which is good because with my Asperger's I probably would not have searched it out on my own.

Not to say that you lower expectations in any way, but often it is found in the most unexpected places.

1

Why do you think is hard?
Can't you love, or always end bad?

I find interest in certain men and they have no interest in me. The ones that are interested in me I have no emotions for. Most are older than my parents and nearly all just want to talk about sex

@LadyAlyxandrea Welcome to dating life =)
Just make friends, keep options open, in time someone that clicks will come.
Men are simple, once you are friends with them you can make us do anything

0

We can't always get what we want.... that's how the song goes anyway

0

Me too.

0

You don't choose who you fall in love with, that's why it is called "falling" in love. Because if feels like involuntary falling without a net. And if you don't fall in love, it is pretty hard to be loved back.

0

"There are no good people left" leaps to mind. At least, not ones compatible with ourselves.

I can love when I dream, so I probably have what it takes. But I have never met anyone in real life that makes me feel that way while awake.

0

No one will give you what you can only do for yourself.

0

Our and other's expectations of what we want in a partner. If someone doesn't meet our criteria then we normally don't give them or us a chance to fall in love.

0

it is hard for the same reason wanting to be married, without having a specific spouse in mind, is hard. it's a condition, not a thing, and it differs from couple to couple. being in love won't even feel the same with one guy as with another, and likwise being loved. i used to marvel at girls (when i was a girl) who wanted to be married. to WHOM? it's a CONDITION. don't worry about falling in love. be with people. if you fall in love with one, and he falls in love with you, that will be different from how it would be with any other couple, even if you were one half of that couple.

think of it this way: look right at the sun. now look at the lights that dance in your vision. you can't. they float away. stop looking and there they are. it works like that.

g

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