Agnostic.com

33 2

Does the thought of a pansexual or bisexual partner make you uncomfortable because you think they might be at greater risk of cheating?

Kindamany 4 Jan 20
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

33 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

11

Cheating demonstrates deficiency in character, not sexual preference.

Deb57 Level 8 Jan 21, 2019

EXACTLY.

9

so if a guy likes women i shouldn't be afraid because he likes me and i'm a woman and therefore there are no other women in the world, but if a guy isn't particular about the gender of his partner and has chosen me, i should be afraid because there are suddenly other potential partners in the world? that makes no sense. if he's my partner and we've chosen each other, either he's true or he's not, whether he likes one gender, the other, some or all.

g

Correct.

8

Ohferpetessake, cheaters are Always cheaters, non-cheaters do not cheat. The amount of potential partners has Nothing to do with it!
Either you are a dickwad, or not. Period.

Well stated.

That is not true at all. I cheated once in my 20's and never again. My brother cheated once in his 30's and never cheated again. I don't believe we are that unique.

@Sticks48 is that like"being a little bit pregnant"?

@AnneWimsey So, you are so perfect? Who are you, misses Jesus?

@Sticks48 a tad defensive,are ya? Infact, I was married to a cheater & our doctor told me "you are a very lucky woman" re AIDS/HIV..........

@AnneWimsey Yes I am. I don't give a fuck what your doctor said. I dealt with doctors for a decade. Most of them did not impress me.I guess you have never made a mistake. It must be nice to be able to say that..

@Sticks48 I made at least 2 mistakes, I was married twice. And cheaters are Always cheaters, the number of times they cheated is totally irrelevant, they feel entitled, as you are proving right now with your attitude & insults.....

@AnneWimsey So you have made two mistakes in your whole life? You are special. I am beginning to understand why they cheated on you.

@Sticks48 wow...and, facts? Only one cheated...your ASSumptions are astounding, as is your charming-ness.

@AnneWimsey The way you worded it, it sounded like they both cheated. I did not assume anything. I don't waste charm on the self-righteous. They are right there with hypocrites in my book.

@Sticks48 you mean like those who take marriage vows & then cheat? (which involves lying, sneaking, and etc)? Look in the mirror, sweetie, before you call others the name(s) You personify!

@Sticks48 I stated "A cheater"....???!!!!!

@AnneWimsey You judge me based on something I did when I was 21. One time one 30 min thing. If you are that judgmental and unforgiving ( you sound like a christian ), I can see why you would be difficult to spend time with. And you personify a bitter old woman.

@Sticks48 buwahahahaaaaa!

6

Why would a bi or pansexual person be more inclined to cheat than a hetero person? That idea is a little ignorant or biased I think.

6

Just because someone likes to have sex twice or likes having sex with cook ware, that does not mean they will be unfaithful.

I prefer Cuisenart myself. Maybe Farberware.

5

Wtf is pansexual? Shit's outta conrol!

Get with the times man!

It is simply more inclusive than bisexual, it means one will not view gender identity as a barrier to being in a relationship with someone. I know some bisexual people that won't date trans people, for instance, whereas I would willingly date anyone if we hit it off.

Bi is your are essentially open to sexual relationships with men that identify as men, and women that identify as women. Pan means you are sexually open to men, women, and trans-men (biological women who socially identify as a man) or trans-women (bio-men that are socially women). I will agree it's getting crazy. Essentially the whole multiple gender thing some trans people describe means there is as many genders as there are people on the planet, since we all are different in some way. They won't say that, b/c I think they realize it actually is as ridiculous being said out loud as it sounds, but the crux of (some) of their arguments essentially boil down to this.

5

Not cheat necessarily. If they said they were monogamist, I would believe until I found out otherwise. I would be concerned there was some aspect of their sexuality that was not being explored, though.

@maturin1919 @DoctoralZombie Agreed. I think I would wonder if there was something they desire beyond our relationship, or felt was missing. Not sure I would suspect them of cheating, at least not physically, just emotionally. I think it would take a very strong, trusting, and established relationship for me to be comfortable with a girlfriend of mine with another woman or man. I would have to be present, and I sure as hell can't see being comfortable with another guy, and maybe not even another girl. Fantasy and reality are two very different experiences when you have this much vulnerable emotions involved.

being bi- or pan- doesn't necessarily indicate a craving for variety in sexual experience. it can. it can equally just be a lack of preference for one over another. once you've fallen in love, you're true or not according to who, not what, you and your partner are.

g

@maturin1919 I can understand that. If we pan and bi people have partners that are willing to explore sexual situations with us we tend to be satisfied.

5

They're no more a risk of cheating than a heterosexual person. That's like saying just because someone is married, they won't cheat! Married folks are THE BIGGEST F××KING CHEATERS!

4

If you don’t have trust, then what’s the point?

4

No, why would I think that?

Many gay men believe this and won't date bi or pan men, that is why I asked the question.

@Kindamany Well that is just odd. Never got that vibe from my gay friends. I identify as pansexual and I’m not more or less likely to cheat than anyone else.

4

I've had bisexual partners. I'm more concerned with STD's, but I'm concerned with that with any partner at first.

3

I guess they would have more options if they were inclined to cheat but it still comes down to trusting your partner

A cheater gonna cheat as they say; who they cheat with is immaterial

A lot of cheating (not all) is linked to not being satisfied at home and not open to discussing wants and needs which is essential in my mind for a healthy relationship. Once you feel comfortable discussing your wants and needs, no need to go behind someone's back and hurt them. Trust is earned and you cannot half trust someone .

3

nope. both my primary partner (@DoDapper) and i consider ourselves hetero-flexible, altho in a previous life i was much more flexible

3

Yes. I don't "think"--I know. Never again.

Carin Level 8 Jan 20, 2019

Sorry to hear that.

3

It's never been an issue.

3

I have never had to consider that particular possibility. I'm not the jealous type though, so I doubt I'd see it as an additional threat vector. If someone is going to cheat, they'll find a way, even if they're cisgender / hetero.

3

No...I am more concerned about the health aspects.

@Stepmomofdragons In regards to a pansexual or bisexual partner, many are in an open relationship, and thus the increase for STD. Also means on average, the person is more open sexually, and therefore probably more sexually active, thus at a greater risk for contact with STDs. Maybe not all relationships, but every guy I know that is in a relationship with a woman that fits one of these definitions, the relationship is open, so ( 1 ) it is not considered 'cheating', since it is established and ( 2 ) more partners means more possibility for STDs. Granted, my comments are based on my personal anecdotal evidence, so by no means proof that pan/bi-sexual people are all in open relationships, at all times.

@Stepmomofdragons Actually, no...never been in relationship with a pan or bi woman (or man for that matter). Like I said, just my experience with other friends that have been in relationships like this. Pan or Bi has also equated to open (at least for her, not for him - she wanted to play, but didn't want him to b/c of jealousy), which means multiple partners and an increase for STDs.

And again, I said my evidence was anecdotal , just as your two bisexual women example is also anecdotal. I have known people that did have an open relationship (woman was bi), but then they decided that lifestyle wasn't working, or lost interest, and the relationship became monogamous. There isn't one box that describes all interaction, through all time.

@Stepmomofdragons "Like I said, just my experience with other friends that have been in relationships like this."

"And again, I said my evidence was anecdotal"

@Stepmomofdragons I'n not, and in fact have said multiple times my perception is just anecdotal. Do you offer anything for me to analyze though...like some research or data that addresses open relationships? I'm just using critical thinking here. Most people that are bi or pan, are more sexually adventurous, therefor more open to non-traditional sex and non-traditional relationship boundaries. Then you look at AIDS during the early epidemic, how it was prevalent in the gay community (called the gay epidemic if I remember correctly), and was attributed affecting this community so disproportionately b/c of more liberal sexual activity. But again, if you have some hard data or research on the subject, I would be interested in reading it. Just my personal experience, since I have been friends with many in this situation, and don't know of any research that has been done on bi/pan sexual preferences and monogamy. I am sure age, experience, sex of individual, views of partner, and a whole host of other factors would make the research very in depth to fully understand.

@Stepmomofdragons Sure, safe sex is important, but condoms are not guaranteed to prevent transmission of STDs, regardless if it's straight sex or other. And the increase in the number of sexual partners, the increase in the likely hood one will be exposed to a STD. That's just basic math. And I don't know all the details of my friends sex-capades, I will agree that straight people can be uber sluts, sleep around more than a bi person, but on average, straight individuals are more conservative, have less partners, and less contact with multiple partners thus less likelyhood of encountering a STD. Can't find data on bi/pan, but here is the stats on homosexuals (which technically bi/pan do fall into this category).[carm.org]

But it's obvious you don't want a conversation, and want to argue with me (and only me for some reason, although others on here stated the health concerns also). The link is interesting, and I would agree the groups is under researched, but this paper is only looking at open relationships, and doesn't seem to address the sexual activity of bi/pan individuals. Not bad info, and certainly insightful, but not exactly an apples to apples comparison. Anyway, I'm not here to argue or judge you - not sure why you're so butt hurt about the reality of a situation that I personally don't judge anyone for - just am cautious about due to my own health concerns.

@Stepmomofdragons "straight people CAN be uber sluts"..."but on average, straight individuals are more conservative" - don't know why that confuses you. Didn't bother reading anything you said after that....and won't be bothering to read anything you post on this further. Thanks for the dialogue...have a nice day.

2

I'm happy most people don't see it as an issue. In my experience gay men tend to be fearful of dating bi and pan men because they fear cheating, that is why I asked the question. Having been in monogamous, swinger, and polyamorous relationships in the past I have been faithful to the expectations of each, and I had thought the fear of infidelity was widespread.

2

Not at all. Sexuality has nothing to do with unfaithfulness but a person's values and loyalties does. I suppose if I was dating a bisexual man and he was missing the feel of a man, I'd bring out the strap-on. And if I was dating a bisexual woman who was missing the feel of a man, I'd bring out the strap-on. So it's pretty clear the only conclusion is that strap-ons prevent cheating.

2
2

No.. the exact opposite.. just from personal experience, the ones i have known and proclaimed to be bi or pansexual, usually strike me as the more open and honest types.. (the cheaters are the ones imo who are unable to be honest about their needs and wants)

I talk about all my feelings with my partner(s).

2

Nah.

2

I know what bisexual is, I googled pansexual, but I don't quite understand it, it doesn't make sense to me.
The fact that someone I'd be seeing is bisexual isn't a problem for me.

2
2

No. No reason it would.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:270476
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.