Hi Evestrat. Just wanted to let you know that you’ve been on a lot of mind today and heartfelt concern for you all day. I know many of your friends and loved ones would love to comfort you through this time. Hell some of them may even send their thoughts and prayers (-: I hope you have found peace today.

Thanks for sharing this. Having lost both parents now to different forms of cancer, I can relate to an extent. Clearly, you had a very special bond with your stepmom. I'm a bit jealous of that. I loved my mom, and cancer got her early. She died two days after her 61st BD after about 18 months of treatment. I hadn't lived near my parents for many years. That geographical separation, plus leading a busy life of work, raising my own family, etc., and, admittedly, my own laziness, limited "daily interaction." Facebook didn't even exist then and my mom had no online presence at all, ever. She never even owned an email address, so if there was any remote contact, it had to be by phone. I have regrets about that. I wish now that I had made more of an effort. I wish a lot of things though. Those wishes and $2.50 will get me a cup of coffee, right?

Sadly, my most vivid memory of her near the end of her life was during her last two weeks (literally) while on home hospice "care." I put that in quotes because, as you surely know, hospice means "go home to die because there's nothing else we can do for you." Anyway, during those last two weeks, she was a mere shell of the person she had been, physically. She was extremely thin, but still had her fighting spirit. My mom was a long-term smoker until she was hospitalized with pneumonia. After being declared "cancer free" (falsely), she quit smoking cold-turkey, that very day. I could talk at length about how her care was mis-managed, both by her doctor and my dad, but I won't. Back to the memory; I recall sitting side-by-side with her on the edge of her bed. By this point, she was constantly doped up on pain meds. She asked me if she could lean on me, and then proceeded to do so. This memory always brings me to tears. It was one of the intimate moments we had shared in a long time. I can't remember for certain now, but this may have been the night she died.

Thanks again for sharing. You have a large community of sympathetic ears here to whom you can vent, cry, or whatever. Hopefully, we can help you get through this suck ass time. =]

You can talk to us.

That's rough. I empathize with what your mother said if your father. It hurts when I don't have someone to love and care for. I don't feel complete when I'm alone.

Someone like him needs someone to care for deeply. Luckily for him that was your mother. It truly is a beautiful thing that she's there for him even on her deathbed. That's a beautiful relationship.

Well a fatherly , and for I recommend Jameson Grand Reserve, or at least a Dimple or Chivas.
You will come through it, a week or so and all good.
good luck, take care of yourself.

I'm in that space now Eve, with my brother,.. We've had That heart breaking talk..My heart goes out to you..I know that pain well..much love Gf..

be kind to yourself

The hug would be a good place to start.

I hate the Anniversary thing myself. It brings up every bit of it for me again. But with time comes the better memories - I promise you.

It sounded like your stepmom loved you very much and also that you loved her incredibly. It also sounded like she needed the rest from the trauma she struggled through. It’s really hard when we have to miss someone we can never see again. Here’s to the lives that we get have and share and have such wonderful memories, in you she lives on. A bit of red wine on hand might not be a bad idea, but I’m no doctor.

First, remember the love.

That's a lot to put on you but it also really shows how highly she thought of you and how much she loved and trusted you. I hope you do ok making it through this anniversary. I'm sure I'm not alone in offering any support you need. Do you have someone there in K-State land?

Probably not helpful... But when I get into my negative anniversaries, I try to remember that the sun is rising somewhere right now. We are still on that first sunrise. It has never stopped. That first sunrise is the first sunset and the last. I don't have anything else useful to offer you other than the idea that you are far from alone in facing down these things, but mourning is always a road we walk alone even when everyone who loves you is holding your hand. Good luck and if you ever need an ear, there are many here and mine is just one of them.

Be strong, and be happy you had her for so long, and remember the good times. You were so fortunate to have someone who loved you, and to have been able to tell her how much you loved her before she passed. If you stop by my house I'll give you a place to be safe to get it all out.

(((HUG))) I'm so sorry you lost your stepmom and that you're feeling so bad.

I wish I could do more to help. If you feel like chatting about it, you know where to find me. (((HUG)))

If we are made of matter, which is really energy, and if energy can't be created or destroyed, then we have always existed and will always exist in some energy form.

If you're open to it, you can do as I did after my mom died..I couldn't take it, so I continued to talk to her in my mind as though she was there.
Why not? We used to communicate by ESP anyway since we didn't have a phone between our floors and when she needed me to come help her.

I don't know if it was really her "self" energy that answered me, my own memories, or just my own Higher Self, but it doesn't matter since all energy is connected, and answers I got were what she'd have said if she were still here.

Over a couple of years I slowly stopped talking to her in my mind, without noticing, but the pain was gone.