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Every so often, this particular topic comes up.
Recently, I was accused of "hiding" because I don't have a picture of myself posted. The person making that accusation was making a whole lot of false assumptions based on nothing more than an avatar.

I'm not here for dating, and I have never liked having my picture taken.
I do not feel it's necessary to post one's picture on the internet, or anywhere else, if one doesn't wish to.
If I were on this site for dating, that would be a completely different story, but since I never have been,
I don't believe I "have" to put up my picture.

I don't think any of us are obligated to share our pictures.

Thoughts?

By KKGator9
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29 comments

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2

Bravo! Well put!

davknight Level 7 Mar 27, 2019
8

If you aren't here for dating, why would you need a picture???

slydr68 Level 8 Mar 27, 2019

Exactly.

7

KKGator has every right to choose not to post a picture. Anyone criticizing that choice or looking for some hidden reason is out of line. In fact, it is more likely that anyone posting such criticisms is the one with hidden motivations.

wordywalt Level 8 Mar 27, 2019

Thank you.
She was a nasty piece of work.
Full of assumptions and accusations.

6

No problem here. I was going to use my own picture, but decided to use one of an old bald man.

Sticks48 Level 9 Mar 28, 2019
6

Hell no. None of us are obligated to post our pics. And nobody should be shamed into doing so.

Mine is up because I have it posted all over the place anyway but it wasn't up for the first couple of months

Lucy_Fehr Level 8 Mar 27, 2019
6

It's the topic that never goes away and it's starting to piss me off. If you really think about it, it's a form of control -- how dare you not let me see what you look like! I even had one gentleman threaten to turn me in for fraud because I'm using Rue McClanahan's photo. In the past, I've given my reasons why I don't use one but now my reason is nunya.

I don't think I will ever understand how anyone thinks they're somehow entitled to know things that are none of their business.
What I look like falls into that category.

I always just assumed you were Rue's nicer twin.

@glennlab But just as ornery and hornery.

5

I agree . I am not here to find a mate , I have hard x to open face to face on that department , I can't even imagine online dating . I don't feel comftable even to have location let aside pic . I did recently Bcz of few nice to me humans on this site that I figured they might wanna know who that idiot w the bad English is or looks like . That includes u , bcz I love to read u . But I reserve the right to put my avatar pic back any x I want , and I don't give a damn what everyone thinks or says .

Pralina1 Level 8 Mar 28, 2019
5

Your profile pic could be of a baboons rear end and wouldn’t make me any difference. Like you said, you’re not here to date anyway so who cares. Sounds like whoever was making these assumptions really needs to find something else to fill there free time.

They've either blocked me, or left the site already.

5

WOW! That's still a thing? Geez! I think there is a photo of me in my profile pics but since I'm not here primarily to date I don't use it for the main image.
I think if I met someone on this site I'd want to see a picture of them but to think you deserve to see a photo of someone who is here for the community is bull shit and a bit controlling - IMHO.

5

if that's the kind of thing that aggravates a person, that's the kind of person I got no interest in getting to know very well. I've seen some people downright indignant about it. hilarious.

hankster Level 9 Mar 27, 2019

yup. When I used to have my age listed I got way more guys pissed off in my inbox for not having a pic up. It is not my damn job to cater to the male gaze I have a damn life ya know. There are plenty of other women posting their pics go bother/talk to them. geeeze

Mind you every man that attacked me was older than me, to the point of being my father or grampa's age. And they were harassing me in my inbox acting like a damn child. Like grow the fck up dude seriously you are embarassing yourself.

@demifeministgal there's nothing like desperation to make a man try to approach a woman, and there's nothing like desperation to make a poor impression.

@hankster desperation is no excuse for harassment imo. I am not hurting anyone or oppressing people or causing harm by not having my pic up. Those guys reaked of control freaks.
HEY YOU! WHERE IS YOUR PIC?! WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ONE? Gives him answer. OKAY THEN. JUST SEND ME A PIC THEN! DO IT NOW. umm no. gtfoh demanding stranger.

@demifeministgal I'm not defending them. I understand what you're saying and you have my condolences. you're right, they are control freaks and they feel like thier somehow entitled to see a picture of you. I would recommend, and I do understand it's frustrating, don't even bother to get upset about it.

@hankster They are just annoyances really. Like mosquitos sucking on your blood then making you bloody itchy for days heh. I am just averse to controlling people due to life experiences is all.

@demifeministgal I understand... I recommend coconut water and deep breathing. probably won't help but coconut Waters pretty good.

@hankster aww man I dislike coconut! I will opt for chocolate instead and watching a comedy. Cheers smile001.gif

@demifeministgal by all means, please suit yourself. coconut water is kind of new to me and I'm really digging it. chocolate is pretty good. say hey to Norm for me. ?

@hankster who's norm? smile008.gif

@demifeministgal I see now I misunderstood. Norm is a character on a sitcom called Cheers. I thought that's what you were watching... apologies.

@hankster ooh no. I was using the british slang way of saying later. I a not british, but sometimes I will type it. heh

@demifeministgal I figured that out on my second run at it. it's all good. I'm a little curious about what comedy you are watching.....?

@hankster nothing at the moment I am in the library so will watch later. heh
And not sure yet we will see what netflix has to offer since I've already watched all of the WLIIA episodes. (whose line is it anyways)

@demifeministgal "who's Line" is a gut laugh. ✌️

@demifeministgal , it was a snarky woman who called me a coward for not having a picture posted. Then called me a liar when I replied that I couldn't post one from this chromebook. I just blocked her. I don't need crap like that.

@freeofgod but how the fck does that make anyone a coward? And if it does, so fckng what? who is she to shame and mock cowardly people. fck her

@demifeministgal I just blocked her. Don't want to know people like that smile001.gif

5

Photo/No photo....doesn't matter.
If someone prefers not to interact with you because there's not photo of you...that's their choice.
But, you are under no obligation to post your photo if you don't want to do so.

4

You are spot on! No need for a photo when not interested in dating. Some "here for community" people though, are also looking just not as open about it. I personally know some. And for them a photo to anyone they have an interest in should be provided, it wouldn't need to be public. But one such person, I know, won't, and won't say why. Maybe there is a valid reason but it's hard to imagine and only creates more and more questions and red flags.

BeeHappy Level 9 Mar 27, 2019

If someone's behavior throws up red flags, go with your gut.
Every single time I've ignored warning signs, I've regretted it.

@KKGator Thanks, I usually do. Some I give a little more rope than others. But have no trouble cutting them loose when the time comes.

4

I feel the same way. Not here for dating and also do not like taking pictures. Apparently, being a millenial against taking selfies makes me a pariah with low self-esteem or trying to scam guys. Scam into what exactly? I do not ask for money or support or anything from men. So what exactly am I scamming anyone out of? Couple of days ago some idiot messaged me about my faceless profile then accused me of animal abuse for posting a pic of my sister's dog. Honestly, such men are disgusting because it literally says to me they only think I am worth talking to if they deem me attractive enough to do so. And with a mentality like that, I don't want them talking to me anyways!

Seriously?? Some people just have to find a reason to be offended.

I'm noticing an uptick in the Incel assholes behaving in that manner.
I've had a few come at me.
I really enjoy picking apart their "arguments".
They won't allow you to be nice about rejecting their advances, so I'm just going for the jugular now.
Being "nice" is what they expect. It makes them think they can talk you out of your position, and around to their way of thinking.
Then, they never leave you alone.

@KKGator oh man I've never been nice to assholes. But especially online, I am not going to be nice to someone harassing me. I may have to be nice in person, or risk violence, but I do not have to be nice online where I am safe(r ). I told that idiot to look up the word abuse then to google the concept of animal abuse to see how foolish his comment really was. Cuz words have meanings ya know. He messaged something I didn't get to read, then blocked me! heh good riddance

4

Well said, should there be otherwise a 'Catfish' option for those who just wish to play people?
Post the image you are happy with. I'm a plump Englishman in a kilt in my photo. Usually I'm a stout Englishman in trousers. But I live in Scotland.
I'd like to find love, and I think it would be unfair to show a photo of me when I was young and sexy, as I'm almost 57 and not sexy. I don't add 'Here for community' but that is what I do. No one has asked me for a date, and to be honest, I don't think that will ever happen.

Sofabeast Level 7 Mar 27, 2019

The "here for community" designation has eliminated a lot of unwanted inquiries. Granted, I still get some overtures, but I make it really clear I'm not interested in dating, anyone, ever.

@KKGator that's why I didn't put my gender in my profile.

please could you explain the Catfish reference? I have seen it twice now and no clue?

@Allamanda A Catfish is a person pretending they are someone of sonething they are not. Often ending up either breaking a heart and/or taking money.

@PalacinkyPDX Thank you for that. I did a little research at college a couple of years ago which gave a very limited viewpoint.
When I think of roleplaying, I see 12th level Clerics arguing with dungeon keepers and rolling dice- lol!

4

I never post my pic online. I'm just another bearded white guy (stunningly handsome, btw, so it's more of a favor to the other guys here that I dont), and I happen to think you can tell a lot more about someone from their choice of avatar than from a pic of them.

I wouldn't mind the option to turn pics off, in reality. I don't really care how someone I like looks, I care much more about how they make me feel.

1of5 Level 8 Mar 27, 2019

yours is so handy though, because not everyone likes dogs!

@Allamanda see? Didn't even have to go and not read my bio. ?

3

Not my business, not anyone's elses but your own.

I tend to see that thrown out when someone thinks that their opinion means more because they are "open to the public" about it. It's a bullshit excuse.

3

Oh I agree with you. I'm not here for dating. I found out about this site from Faceberg, where I also have an avatar. My friends and family know what I look like, that's what's important. I suppose if someone really wanted to know what you look like, they could ask you nicely and then you could decide whether or not to send them a picture.

You are exactly right.

3

Agreed, and I find myself having to explain far too often too. As far as I'm concerned, it all boils down to "I don't want to upload a photo of myself; end of argument."

Jnei Level 8 Mar 27, 2019
2

Your privacy is your business. I agree with you completely.

2

I agree. If you are not looking to meet someone there is no need to post pictures. It's more important what you write. Joke em if they can't take a fuck!

Nukdookum Level 8 Mar 27, 2019
2

Whatever makes you comfortable. The interesting thing is on my phone I can't see any of the pictures of anyone when I hit the bell icon.

GreatNani Level 8 Mar 27, 2019
2

Unless someone uses something blatantly offensive it is a personal choice. When it is left blank it makes me think the user doesn't care.

MizJ Level 7 Mar 27, 2019
2

I agree with you 100%. Why would someone’s appearance be important if you are here for community only? Maybe someday I’ll break down and put something up, but right now, nope. It’s my choice.

kltuckmn Level 7 Mar 27, 2019
2

It's entirely up to you, if someone doesn't like it then bad luck smile001.gif

ipdg77 Level 8 Mar 27, 2019
2

I've found that conversations like the one you just had are more about that other person. It suggests if they can't assign a number to you then they've got to shame you into doing so. They're assuming everyone here deserves their approval to be here.

What a Girl Is

Benthoven Level 8 Mar 27, 2019
2

Don’t feel an obligation to do that. It is by no means a requirement.

BudFrank Level 7 Mar 27, 2019

Trust me, I don't.
I post stuff like this so others don't feel obligated either.
It also puts it out there to those who feel entitled to that information, that they are not.

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