32 1

It's traditional for a woman to change her family name to her husbands when she marries. Why shouldn't she keep her name. Is this a hold over of religion to subjugate woman? Women, if you were married did you change your name?

rogueflyer 8 Apr 14

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account


Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.


I was married briefly in my 20s and I took his name. I never really thought about not doing it, it was just what everyone did. But I gotta say, I didn't really like that my married name was Mrs. Christ. !!!! Pronounced KRIST, but I had to wear "CHRIST" on my military uniform every day! Couldn't wait to get my previous name back LOL!

I would have changed my first name to Anti...

Jisus H. Krist πŸ˜‚

@OtherPatrick Even Annie would have been good.

@carlyhorton Ann T. Christ...

@OtherPatrick PERFECT!


For centuries, women got their identities first from their fathers and then, their husbands. I took my ex's name when I got married in 1973 because that's what "everyone" did. I still remember how upset I was, though, when I received mail addressed to "Mrs. Bob Jones." I felt negated. I kept the name even after the divorce 25 years later; I am too lazy to get it changed back. However, there have been exceptions to this practice, i.e. if a woman's family was well-known, noble, and rich, the husband might take his wife's name. It became more of a legal issue than a religious one. Interestingly, in Judaism, lineage is traced through the mother, not the father; a person is Jewish if his/her mother is Jewish. This was also the case in ancient Egypt; except for rare cases, one could be sure who his/her mother was, but paternity could not be proven.

Maternal makes more sense.

@rogueflyer To me, too! Also, in Spain, people have lots of surnames--and they are the surnames of their grandmothers. Or, at least, it used to be this way--it could have changed.


Yes because its a cool name. The idea was that in previous times women became the property of their husband and his father. In some cultures one step is missed out altogether and the women takes her father-in-law's name.


I may a little old fashioned, but I loved changing my name to that of my husband’s. When the children came along it made it easier that they too had that surname....for school, etc. I know that there are many women who object to this, and some have always kept their own surnames....usually for professional reasons, such as my daughter-in-law, who is a lawyer....but in her private life she uses our family surname. It must always be a matter of choice, of course, whatever suits both parties in the marriage, with more couples not choosing to marrying in the first place it’s common to have dual names in families.


My wife kept her own name. Why not? It’s who she is. Not an appendage.


Like most marriage traditions, it's not really a religious thing. It reeks more of a tribal thing. Some cultures (and in the best fiction), men have to "fight" a woman's family to take her off to be wed. It's funny to think about.

It's a symbol. Like any symbol, it means whatever you assign to it. If you think it makes you a possession, then that's what it does. So you should probably keep your last name. However, if you feel like your future husband is trying to make you a possession, your relationship probably has a deeper-seated issue than just a last name.

I understand why women don't want to do it. I understand why some men are insecure about it. It's something a couple who are right for each other should be able to talk through.


YES! Religion is all about subjugating women....


My ex-wife was steadfastly not going to give-up her name. I was totally fine with that. But then she started to hyphenate her name after she divorced me, and then she totally started using mine exclusively. πŸ€”


Hère in Quebec, Canada women keep their name


I did change my name. I wanted, once I had kids, for us all to have the same name. I kept the name, even after divorce, for the same reason. I work at a school and it us so hard these days to keep track of who belongs with who. It's crazy.


We're both going to change our names to one we've choosen. It'll have meaning to us and us alone.

1of5 Level 8 Apr 14, 2019


@MarkiusMahamius i just asked, and she said no to changing it to Markius 😟

@1of5 well I'm not changing It to whatever Borg name either, neener

@MarkiusMahamius feel like making a bet? Winner picks the others married name?

@1of5 that seems awfully personal. #nohomo

@MarkiusMahamius chicken. You can even pick the bet 😁

@1of5 wanna bet Amanda Nunes either proposes to her GF, or introduces her as her fiancee, by the July UFC event? If she does, I get to pick my own name, if she doesn't, you do your own name.


Someday I hope to change my name, along with my partner, to something we choose, because it's about us.


When a woman changes her name, say from Miss Daisy Buchanan, to Mrs. Fitzgerald, she disappears completely. The title 'mrs' means 'mistress of'. So multiple women can use that title -- for example multiple wives (either single or plural) or a woman and her mother-in-law -- at the same time. All that counts is that she belongs to someone - - and is married.

I would say it's more a feminist issue than a religious one. Women became tired of being identified as property and of having their name indicate their marital status. (Mr. gives no clue as to marital status.) I've been married twice. The first time, in 1978, I chose to hyphenate my last name. It was a royal pain in the butt. I was asked what my 'real' last name was multiple times. I was told that computers couldn't accommodate a hyphenated name -- although people did admit that computers had no difficulty in handling hyphenated words. I was asked how one would alphabetize the name. I was asked why I would not take my husband's name. (For the record, I was establishing a professional reputation and didn't want to lose my 'maiden' name.)

Second marriage, in 1994, I chose to retain my name. (I had changed back legally after the first divorce.) It was so much simpler. I admit there were some amusing situations -- such as when someone asked my brother whether I was his wife!!) Also, my publication record is accessible without confusion.

The "MS." came about years ago to replace "Mrs." which was an indication of marital state. MS. was intended to be used by both single and married women. However, fewer married women adopted it than did single women. As a older teacher I was surprised to learn that my younger female colleges did not know that MS. was a title to both and by common practice has become synonym for "Miss."...again indicating marital status.


In many Hispanic cultures, a new name is created which has both the male and female's last name. In North American often those names get unfairly shorted to just one name.


Not only that, but how we formally address women has directly to do with what their relation to a man is.

Miss, Ms., Mrs.


One of my closest friends is Chilean, but has lived in Canada and the U.S. for more than 30 years. It is not customary in Chile (a predominantly Catholic country) for women to change their name at marriage. But she and her husband get constant scrutiny in airport security. This is your husband? Why is your name different? I suppose it is actually suspicion of latinx, but it seems by now we would be more accustomed to couples or families with different names.

I would imagine TSA is familiar with the custom. They must come across this every day. I think they do this just to see a reaction. I travel international and customs likes to ask questions to get a reaction. Nothing personal, just their job.


I really hated changing my name when I got married in 1982, because I knew I was making a mistake, but felt pressured into doing so. Then 2 kids and 29 years later, I finally got my divorce. I kept my married name, for simplicity, to match the last name of my children.

My reasoning was that I had a choice to take the name of my abusive dad, or abusive husband, so between the two, I'll choose the last name of my children, rather than my childhood name.

I want to go forward, not backward. If I were ever to get married again, I'd be glad to take a new name, but it would have to be a person for whom I'd be glad to share a name.

It makes more sense to me for children to take the mother's name, rather than the father's. But that's not the way it is.

Yes, it should be a choice for the better not the least of two evils.


It is still common in the UK for the newly married bride to take the husbands name although I know of one couple who took the wifes name. It appears to be the practice in the US for the wife to keep her maiden name as a sort of middle name. Not common here.


I did not change my name when I married, but fast-forward to when my children started school - I added the "family name" onto mine with a hyphen so that children and I would have a similar name. I used it for many years, although I never legally changed it. When I divorced I had stated in the decree that I would drop the "-last name". I discussed it with my adult children, and two had said they'd expected I would do so, the third one didn't like the idea, but accepted it. I really disliked his name, hated giving it to our children, and was very glad to be rid of it!


Funny you should ask. When my late partner and I married she said she wanted to go back to her maiden name (she was Persian and in that culture the woman keeps her name but the kids get the father's name. When she and her then husband came to the US and got their citizenship he convinced her to take his name - which, coincidentally was very close to mine). I told her what makes you thin I will give you my name, I don't give my name to just anyone - it was a joke and she said thank you. Little did I know. She was a super extrovert and a lot of people thought I was Mr. (her last name). Even after her death a county assessor came to the door and called me Mr. Baharloo (her name). I didn't care and even felt flattered.


I don't think it matters one way or the other.


I did not. Partly because I was 32 when I got married and had had that name all that time. I had a career and didn't want to change it. Also, my last name was cooler than his. And I'm lazy, it sounded like a lot of effort. And... I knew in the deep recesses of my mind that he wasn't the right person. It didn't work out so I'm glad I didn't change it.

Remi Level 7 Apr 14, 2019

My exwife keep my last name after the divorce because her maiden name was Italian and everyone butchered it. She also didnt want to go back to the DMV and deal with that shit again.


I have been married twice and am not married now and my name is the one that is on my birth certificate.
Infer what you choose.


In answer to your second question, yes. It comes from a time when women were consideted second class citizens, or even chattal. Today it may be more just plain tradition or a question of making legalities easier to manuever.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:330909
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.