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Did someone break your heart badly that you're afraid to trust anyone else as far as love?

Millie 6 Mar 8
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28 comments

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5

Yeah, it was bad. I still struggle, but I'm working on it.

3

A quote attributed to The Bard goes, "Expectation is the root of all heartache." Let's just say I've had too many expectations too many times.

3

Not exactly. I'm sick and tired of picking the wrong men. I needed to take time off for me, and to figure out what I want/need in a partner. Hopefully I will be ready for my next relationship.

Exactly where I'm at too.

I've picked them three times. The one time I picked the right one I screwed up and he left me. I'm still kicking myself for that one.

2

Yes. Not just broken...but crushed! I thought I'd be married the rest of my life. I was willing to go the distance. The things that were said and done to me by an angry, resentful alcoholic have forever changed the way I view relationships.
I think I do guard my heart. It hurts to get hurt! We all know that. But I am totally willing to give my love and trust to the right man. You have to pick yourself up, deal with any 'issues' you may have developed and move on. You must.

2

Yes. It's why I'm not inclined to trust bisexual women.

2

I've been thinking about this since I saw it earlier today.
I still don't have what I'd consider to be an adequate response.
But, I wanted you to know I have been giving it a lot of thought.

Lol...I thought about it for a long time...now I'm commenting all over the place!

2

No but it deffinatly makes you more picky

1

I would not hold on to that. When it comes to a relationship, you have to make yourself vulnerable, and allow someone into your heart.

1

My first wife was the only girl that ever hurt me, I was over that in 84. I don't blame any woman for anything that has happened in a relationship. I spent most my adult life single, I raised my son alone. I live a good life, I look forward to moving back to the West Coast. I do lots of charity, I ride bikes, I work on my rentals. Sometimes I long for good conversation, sometimes I long for closeness. Oh well.

Complete how? I could meet someone that could complement my life as long as it benefitted theirs.

@clarkatticus
That whole "you complete me" statement is ridiculous, is it not? We need to "complete" ourselves, not look to another. That's a lot to lay on someone else, like depending on them to "make you happy".

Maybe part of our divorce problems that we are led to believe that everything is supposed to be happy-happy every minute of the day. Too much TV I guess. Shared responsibilities, shared goals, shared achievements and a genuine attraction to each other is what is needed. Guess I failed at most of these, but I see the problem anyway.

1

Yes. I met a man online and we had a great relationship for four years. Then he had a breakdown of some sort and everything started to fall apart. I couldn't believe it could be over so suddenly. It was very painful and I am afraid of getting involved with anyone else.

1

Yes, I do not trust men and don't have a strong desire to be in a relationship because of so many bad relationships.

1

Of course. You lose a little piece of your heart each time. But you can't win if you don't play

lerlo Level 8 Mar 8, 2018

@Troy well it certainly is a game. And there's nothing better than hitting the jackpot

1

Yes, but this summer I developed a crush on someone. I asked her out and she said no. I was thrilled that I could still be attracted to someone and that I had the courage to risk rejection. The one that broke my heart was about 9 years ago last summer. One small baby step at time!

CS60 Level 7 Mar 8, 2018

I've had a couple of mini crushes in the last decade or so. I was glad of them because it showed me I was recovering and I was still able to move on and feel again. It's too easy to make yourself numb to avoid pain...but that's not living....

1

For awhile, but eventually I realized that he was only one bad apple out of the hundreds of good that I know. I also finally saw that it was me I didn't trust really...not other people.

1

No.Still friends with my ex-BF even though he just remarried his wife and daughter. Grudges are time consuming, wasted time and energy. We need to live in the present. It's healthier for us mentally and physically

What bigamy? He had divorced her and they reunited 6 yrs later.

1

No.

@Millie Ain't it the truth, AIN'T IT THE TRUTH.

@Millie I have had my heart break, as everyone has if old enough, but never to the point that I am afraid to trust anyone else as your OP asked.

0

I have been totally shattered. It happened in 2014 and I knew it was going to happen. What I have learned since then is about myself as well as her and why it happened. We are still friends. I am still shattered. I will never be the same again. Often we end up learning we are not who we thought we were. Maybe just an image. Just a watcher in time.

0

Yes, but this summer I developed a crush on someone. I asked her out and she said no. I was thrilled that I could still be attracted to someone and that I had the courage to risk rejection. The one that broke my heart was about 9 years ago last summer. One small baby step at time!

CS60 Level 7 Mar 8, 2018
0

Yes and no, I hurt someone badly who never deserved it and I can't stand the thought I may do it again.

0

I heal quickly.

@Millie sorry to hear that, it can be hard. I am very pragmatic. I did get emotionally hit hard a few times. But, just as you can't make someone like you or be with you, you can't make them stay either. I spend a lot of energy explaining this to young guys who seem to take breakups badly and could get themselves into trouble if not careful. Ie stalking or being abusive. Seems to be a guy thing.

@Millie I can relate, at 41 I finally had that once in a lifetime, love of my life, and she cheated on me. 2 relationships since they didn't (quite) cheat one me but certainly did not care what their actions did to me, emotionally or financially. However, if I ever want a great relationship again, I have to take the risks. And, ummmm, I am risk averse, so don't see myself having a live in partner again.

0

Yes. I know that I am not perfect, but when she claimed that no one has ever treated her as well as I did, and told me that I did not do anything wrong and it happened to me twice. I just gave up. If I was an a**hole I could understand. I don't want to go through that again.

You probably did nothing wrong beyond loving her more than she loved you.

@Millie I am nice, but not someone who let another walk all over me. I just treated them with respect. When we disagree about something, I don't put them down and I don't physically or mentally abuse them. If things get too heated up, I suggest that we go cool down and return when we are both able to speak with clearer heads. One of my exes thought that I was a wimp for walking away instead of hitting her when she threw something at me, and returned later when I thought that she had calmed down enough to talk. Her next boyfriend put her in the hospital and she tried to reach out to me after that.

0
0

Nah!

0

I consider it profound disappointment. Someone is going to have to work hard to earn my trust. I'm running out of time and patience, though.

0

All of them did, in one way or another yet each in a completely different way. Collectively they have turned me off to love altogether and so now I keep most people at a distance, especially those they might 'love' me. I try to enjoy play mates as I find them.

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