I'd just go somewhere else...maybe a park by the lake or ocean with a beautiful view of the city...

Wouldn't go. I wouldn't lie about why either.
Would definitely say it was because of him.

If it's clear to me that my feelings are not being respected, I don't put myself in situations where that shit is rubbed in my face.
I'm not going to worry about how that gets perceived by anyone.

You have every right not to be subjected to anyone.

You're not unreasonable. I would be honest and say that I have no desire to be around this person.

I’ll go with you, and be like your bodyguard. If he comes within 10 feet of you, I’ll say I’m sorry sir step back please.

I wouldn't go and don't feel guilty. It's difficult to do but I have severed connections with several family members who have no respect. Life is too short and I am too old to give a fuck anymore.

If he pimped your sister.... why haven't you told the Police?

Personally I wouldn't go and I wouldn't feel the slightest bit bad about it. Life is too short to put up with shit from anyone... Especially family.

However... If you DO go... I'd feel free to speak your mind and you may want to tell your other family members that is on the table if you show up!

I’m sorry but your sister and mother have a very bad memory

It’s not worth it! He sounds way to out there. I don’t think you should lie.

I don’t blame you one bit for not wanting to go. Don’t tell your family why you will not attend they need to know. Stick to your beliefs and stand tall.

Imho, don't make up some excuse, just tell them 100% straight out the truth, you don't really need to associate with scum like that even IF he is a part of your family.
Try organising an event of your own and NOT sending that piece of shit an invitation plus instruct ALL other invitees that HE is 100% UNWELCOME to attend.

I think I'd talk to my family about how uncomfortable making this is.

Perhaps they're in the forgiveness business and maybe he's trying to turn over a new leaf - but he's been a creep in your life (and your sister's) so far and they should acknowledge that.

You need to know if there is any attempt at change on his part - or if they're keeping him around to see if he can repeat the same crap again. (Which just wouldn't be wise now would it).

It's okay to state an opinion with family even if it differs from their own.

Why even feel guilty about it? Your mom invited him. You don’t want to see him. You don’t go. You don’t worry about it. You tell them why. Easy peasy.

Nope

I would not go. But do what you feel is best for YOU.

That's a very unfortunate situation. I have had troubles with my family in the past, and all I can say is there is no right answer, and ultimately, no one can tell you what to do.

If he knows about how you feel about him, that might help but not if he's the confrontational type. If it's that bad, then getting help from someone outside your family may be the best answer, even if just to eliminate conflict.

If there are enough people at the cookout, it might dilute the issue by making it easy to get away, but otherwise I wouldn't risk it.

Unreasonable? Nope. One thing I've learned with experience, you can turn down invitations without explanations, and that is just fine. If pressed, "I don't want to go" is explanation enough. People want to guilt you with family shit? Fuck 'em. The people who care don't matter, the people who matter don't care. May you find harmony. Good luck sweetie.

is there a way to go and still avoid him? can you go and be cold to him without starting a fight? if the answer to one or both of those questions is no, then don't go. if the answer is yes, then think about it and decide whether the tension is worth it; it depends on how much you want to see the other family members. but don't pretend with him. don't give him an inch. he sounds like the kind of guy who would then take a mile.

g

I've skipped out of family functions for lesser reasons. However if it's important I might make a 30 minute appearance and either say I haven't been feeling well and I should go or say I'm not comfortable being around so and so (to those who would understand) and go. And who knows maybe he won't even show. I've rarely opened up to people about my anger or disapproval, most of the times I did I regretted it, the whole walking a mile in someone else's shoes thing. With the drugs part sounds like both your half uncle and your sister have a drug problem and they've both made bad choices. It also sounds like you've forgiven your sister, and maybe your sister and mom have forgiven your half uncle so maybe you should consider forgiving him as well if for no other reason than to find peace and not feel estranged from the family. If not your forgiveness then maybe he might warrant your sympathy, if not your pity. As for the other stuff, you've described half my family but they're family so what can you do.

(The following is a joke.) Maybe find out which flavor of Flat Earther he is, and then randomly float a competing Flat Earth theory. I hear there are several factions of Flat Earthers now who really hate each other.

Do what ever brings you peace. Will seeing him outweigh your pleasure at being with the rest of the family?

Try holding your own family get-together, inviting only he family members you want to attend.

I would not go and I would tell my mother that I feel very uncomfortable around a man that sold drugs to my sister.

You take your fist and when he is sitting down and you are in a standing up position as hard as you can turn around clock him on the nose with your closed fist. Just make sure you hit his nose dead on. This has no weapons or DNA involved but the witnesses may be a problem so secure a good location.

If he's still dealing , make an anonymous call to the police on him . That way , he is removed from the family gathering , not you .