I am curious as to whether other women find the following passages (taken verbatim from a message to me) as offensive as I do:
"there are millions of single lonely lazy selfish women who only want a local guy the fact of the matter is my dear that there are not enough single available willing men to meet all the needs of the single women "
First, if there are "millions" of lonely, lazy, selfish women, then the women who are not these negative adjectives are the minority. This is insulting to all women.
Second, the "not enough single available willing men" is a veiled threat/warning: better get what you can when you can because, lady, because we single/available/willing men are few. This is like the men who have told me that I am "not a spring chicken" any longer and need to settle or I will wind up old and alone.
I am already old and alone--by choice.
Third, what needs can a scruffy looking old man fill that I cannot fill for myself?
He also stated that he is a “man of means and ability and focus and I am not what I deem a lazy selfish individual.” If so, then why the heck does he say on his profile that he wants to find a “homeowner”? Dude, buy your own home.
I am not sure if this guy is a scammer on one level or another or is just delusional, but he needs to learn a couple of lessons. One is that when a woman says “no” to his first advance, leave her alone. Second, confident women do not succumb to scare tactics.
Oh, and since he says on his profile, NO “Prez” Trump haters, he needs to be more circumspect in evaluating the women whom he contacts.
Also, guys, would you say these things to a woman?
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32 comments (26 - 32)
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.He is basically telling you how he thinks, nothing there of interest.
dalefvictor
Level 8
Nov 5, 2019
0
He sets the tone by generalizing right from the start, and sounds quite bitter. Anytime I see phrase usage such as, "my dear" prefaced with "fact of the matter" it tells me this guy is steadfast in his ways, (which is fine), but how he advertises it is abrasive.
My best friend (religious) also mentioned something similar to the statement above, but his version: "get what you can, when you can, because the pickings are slim as time goes on."
In all honesty, I feel most people who are comfortable being single (by choice) are that way because they'd rather be single and happy, than with someone and miserable.
Be thankful in a way, you didn't find out these things about him later, after you invested (more of) your time.
MacStriker
Level 7
Nov 4, 2019
0
I have not gotten that kind of threat per se but I have gotten the you aren't getting any younger once you are in your mid to late 30s you will have less options.... as if women have some damn expiration date which is in our 30s... also those types of guys that generalize all or millions of women are typically sexist/misogynistic anyways and you better "know your place" with them... HUGE bullet dodged!
demifeministgal
Level 8
Nov 4, 2019
0
@Gwendolyn2018 My mother once told me that "Women need men like a fish needs a bicycle."
Okay, this guy is an arseshole and if a woman posted that I would swipe left too. However, there are some small grains of truth there.
I have pretty much stopped online dating atm because you see the same faces month in and month out. Some of them have been there for years. Now I would say this to either gender. "Why are you single?" This is not a blame game but a genuine self-examination. You look at your break-ups and point fingers often quite rightly at the other party but how many of us ever say "Yeah it was my fault? (mostly/maybe/perhaps)" So we all go back into the pond with the same baggage we had before and maybe some more.
Then we look online. You would think that of all of the stories in this naked city there would be plenty of fish for us but it does not work like that. Then it is a percentage game. Like a cop show where at first all they know about the suspect is that he is a white male 6 foot between 30-40 years of age. Then he drives a black Ford SUV, is left-handed, and travels a lot. The numbers grow smaller.
The same thing happens with online dating. Age, smoker-non. politics/religion, interests, location, attractiveness and most importantly on the same dating site as you, all whittle down our choices. Some are just not worth it. People that talk all the time or never learned to chew with their mouth closed, you`ve met them. Then you have the others that are so fucked up that they need to date a psychiatric nurse. Then you have the ones that really are not able to date through no fault of their own. One lady, I had a date with last year and all went well but she kept canceling the second date due to family stuff. Okay, family comes first but if it is always going to be that way then be honest with yourself and others. You just don't have time for another person in your life. (I see she is back online now).
The point is, whatever sex you are. There may seem like thousands of potential mates out there but once you get down to it. You are lucky if you find 2-3
273kelvin
Level 8
Nov 4, 2019
1
Quite true. Theoretically, there are hundreds of women in my local area that fit my age range, but after you factor in the deal breakers and traits that you mentioned, as well as the limited number of women that will accept a bald, childless, Agnostic man (when the vast majority of women's profiles make it clear that they only want men who are family men who are also Christian and above average looking), it really comes down to only a couple handfuls of women to choose from that are mutually compatible. Which is why in two years of online dating, I only met about a dozen women in person from the dating site.
Have you posted that question (Why are you single?) to any group here? If so, I'd love to read some answers.
@Gwendolyn2018 In my two years of online dating I have seen at least several dozen profiles of women that interested me, maybe even close to a hundred or more, but have only ended up with about a dozen that I met in person after messaging them, getting replies from them, and then messaging enough to ge thru the usual dealbreakers positively enough to end up meeting. That means out of about a hundred or more women that I liked enough to want to meet, only about twelve of them were positively impressed enough to want to meet me.
In other words, you were getting a lot more interest from the opposite gender than I was. Some of that is probably because men on dating sites are more aggressive than women and try contacting more women than vice versa.
@Gwendolyn2018 I do not think that you not wanting a relationship and just the odd dinner would be that much of a problem. Especially when dating guys, who lets face it have a reputation for being commitaphobes.
@Gwendolyn2018 The demographics are such that Younger men outnumber women but as the ages increase then they even out.
@Ellen-SoCal No, but you are perfectly at liberty to do so yourself
@Gwendolyn2018 I suspect that on sites like Match, that men do outnumber women by quite a bit, even at my age.
@TomMcGiverin Only 52-48% a coin flip in poker terms.
[blog.apptopia.com]
He's a sexist, mean asshole and a Trumpster. No surprise there.
"If you are a Trump supporter, hit the back button NOW," I wrote in my profile.
Case closed.
LiterateHiker
Level 9
Nov 4, 2019
0
Plenty of Fish dating website.
Nope, you're not misinterpreting that... it's offensive.
Street is what street does; just block the lout.
LatentumCattus
Level 6
Nov 4, 2019
0
Enjoy being online again!
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