Does anyone else have a homophobic family member? I have no tolerance for stupidity, ignorance or superiority. He puts the LGBTQ community into the same category as rapists, pedophiles, and other horrible groups of people in society. I have been a supporter of the LGBTQ community since I was 11 years old. It never even crossed my mind that they're bad or whatever. I did not know of his hatred until I became older.
He goes on these tangents every time I see him. He's had bad experiences with gay people in the past. But I always tell him that not every gay person is the same. He doesn't want to listen to me and I try to redirect the conversation to something else (as I learned this in some counseling classes).
It's gotten to the point where I don't even enjoy visiting him and only see him a few times a year. But I still care about him as he raised me half of my childhood when I had no one else.
What exactly is a “bad experience with gay people.”? Was he sexually molested or raped? Or was he simply approached and asked for a date? I know that some men react to a simple solicitation as if they have been violated in some way. They are often the same people that are most pushy at soliciting a date with a female. I have been approached many times in my life by men. I say no and we move on. That is why I wonder what your family member dealt with.
Just because you are related to someone, or even that they "did the right thing" for you once upon a time, does not mean you have to like them, or validate their sad prejudices by letting them spew. You are an adult now, and can calmly (firmly!l tell him you no longer wish to listen to his ugliness. If he continues, leave. Repeat until he sees you mean it! You might, as a last gasp, try asking him why anyone would Choose to become the target of people like him........
Feelings of "obligation" and gratitude often make us tolerate family members
we'd be better off cutting loose.
I've learned that it's in my best interests to excise toxic family members.
I've had to do it to save my own sanity, and be true to my own principles.
Past history does not give anyone a "pass".
You're going to do whatever you think is right for yourself. You don't really have
When you've had your belly-full of his vitriol, you'll sever ties.
Or you won't, and you'll continue to put up with him.
It may not be the case here, but seems to me some of the most vocal people speaking out against homosexuality or transexuality are actually afraid they might be gay or trans themselves and are providing cover for their own thoughts (or actions) by their vehement condemnation of LGBTQ community.
I actually, ‘converted’ a friend with this thinking, I asked in a world of murderers, people that abuse animals, partners and children, what was so bad about 2 consenting adults showing each other how much they care for each other? He said, well if you put it like that. I hope he remembers and things have changed for him.
My father however, defies logic; he had a best friend who was gay for a while and was firm friends with a gay next door neighbour. But he stills says things like, ‘it’s not natural though is it?’ But he’s not really interested in hearing an answer.
My entire family is homophobic except me. Traditionally, people in heavily religious societies are taught to be homophobic and are taught that homosexuality is epuivalent to those terrible things.
Seeing that he is someone that seemingly means a lot to you, in an effort to protect your relationship I would suggest you politely ask him to refrian from bringing up such topics when you are around. If he isn't making an effort to understand your point of view then the conversation regarding that is over. If that doesn't work then it's best for you to keep your distance if you don't want to be in such uncomfortable company.
Specifically my out-of-state uncle, who persists in mass emails of crazy, unsubstantiated, right wing, racist crap. I spent years gently countering with references, explanations, tolerance. But he would just laugh and dismiss me with comments like, "I always know you'll fact check me" or some such. Even knowing my brother is gay, married, and raising (an amazing) multi-racial son, and being reminded of such, he persisted with nasty stuff. But it's upsetting to us on a long term basis ... and makes me feel kind of dirty. We finally blocked him several years ago. It's a bit rough on my mum (it's her brother), but she lives with it.
My brother is a Christian and so is his wife. They both just rejected my nephew when he finally came out to them, he also married a young man and is very happy. The rest of the family supports my nephew and we are all happy for him and his husband but because of that my brother and his wife want nothing to do with us anymore. Our parents never raised us this way, they raised us with an open mind! I can't believe he has denied his own son! Just hurts me but there is nothing I can do about it, I tried talking to him about it and he just yelled at me and left.
Yes, my mother, but after banging heads with her many times over the subject I realised she was never going to change and I was damaging my relationship with her because of the conflict, and I love my 93 year old mother. After accepting she wouldn't change I decided to just avoid the topic with her and she has done the same. I realised that in some instances the fight isn't worth it because it is impossible to win and the cost of fighting is too high. That isn't always the case and in another instance I might just avoid the person or topic. I'm fortunate in that I can do this but I can't imagine how hard it might be for someone who wasn't hetero.