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I have surely screwed up on the relationship front. I think a lot of what is good is growing together, and creating a history that two share. Now at 60 years into the game and flying solo once again I feel the desire to share my life with someone, but I wonder if I missed out on the best part of what relationships should be.

Tony80223 7 Apr 5

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A long-term relationship can be good if it is two compatible people growing up/growing old together. But if it is two incompatible people hanging on together because of the children or because of fear of being alone, then I don't believe that is good. Even if past relationships have not gone as well as you hoped they would, if you have learnt from them and are willing to try to do better in the next one, then go for it! You can have good short relationships, too, and end up as friends.

I couldn't agree more, Celia. When my husband died I was beyond despair and wasn't sure I would ever be happy again but when I looked around at the married couples I knew, frankly, I wouldn't have changed places with any of them. I believe it is much better to be alone than in a loveless marriage.


I’ve found that desire to share, too. But having had a long r/s, realize that you can also grow apart.. Ever watch a couple, where the guy’s into an interesting story ..and the look on his wife’s face is sheer boredom..? Thinking a lot about it myself lately, I’ve wondered if all relationships aren’t doomed from eventual boredom. Linked by law, or vows, or even ‘history’ doesn't keep them together, and maybe shouldn’t.

Lately, I’ll mutter some observation as I’m driving - and actually crack myself up laughing … then experience sadness over the fact no one shared in that.. I also love to ‘do things,’ like fix stuff & yard work, and sometimes feel ‘wasted’ just doing that for myself. But like I’d mentioned, watch a longtime couple for a short time ..and you may leave feeling pretty good about being alone…

Varn Level 8 Apr 5, 2018

Same here but wondering if i missed out i look this as an expereince and learned from it create my new journey along the way there will be someone you will meet and share your journey together
Life is always a journey Be postive and take small steps towards your end goal .

Rosh Level 7 Apr 5, 2018

I don't know the specifics of your relationship, but, I learned, that although my marriage was better than most, that my ex husband and I were often going through the motions. We loved each other, but we didn't have a strong connection, and our marriage couldn't weather the differences, tragedies, and disconnects that we had. Maybe we screwed up, maybe we both could have tried harder, but who knows? Maybe we could have stayed together, just to avoid leaving. We tried for 25 years, but it never got better. We went our seperate ways, but, I treasure those years. I learned a lot about myself. I learned to be strong and resilient, and stand on my own, and be my true self. A marriage that ends is not a failure. It is the end of something and the beginning of something else. Keep the value from it in your heart, and let go of the rest. It is over. Learn from it and move on. I have been divorced for more years than I have been married. I have never had another relationship. I would like to, but it never happened, but I have lived a great life, and I continue too. That is my plan. I'm 71 and realistic about my prospects. They aren't very good, but, that is ok. I have a great life. You will too if you open up to it. Don't worry about what could have been. Enjoy what is.


Just because the relationship ended doesn't mean you failed to keep it intact. I've learned that relationships run their courses, usually ending, sometimes ending badly. But being solo is actually pretty awesome. You don't need a partner to complete you. 🙂


Always look ahead to the future my friend.


You're still young. The best is yet to come! Enjoy your life solo and continue to do the things you like to do, and if someone sees your lifestyle and says "Hey, I want to be a part of that!" then you're set! Life is always changing - just enjoy every day as it comes.


Live for the present.



I sometimes wonder if I've missed out also. Part of me envies those who found love early in life, and are still enjoying the journey as a couple; another part is relieved that I'm not "stuck" in a bad relationship.


That dependswhat you consider the best part of a relationship.I have known people only fora brief moment in my life but we clicked and I still remember them, not all relationships need a long time to grow, some are short, some are a lifetime, but be greatful for everyone you had, forthey helped make you who you are.

stu8 Level 4 Apr 5, 2018

my best ever relationship, whirlwind, love of my life, I bought a new home and we moved in, it last 3 months. We don't hate each other, and never did at any point.


Well. I agree with the other posters that it's not too late as long as you're willing.

However. I will speak from the other side of the coin. Yes, you can screw up and, yes, you may be alone for the rest of your life. There are no guarantees for a happy outcome. Sometimes there are no second chances for love, or even a good relationship.

However, many people, including me, learn to be happy living alone.

marga Level 7 Apr 5, 2018

I feel your pain . . .

JK666 Level 7 Apr 5, 2018

you have a point about the growing together. Maybe we just have to frame it as a different type of relationship but still valid. I had an aunt that was widowed 3times.: When she was lucky to remarry (not just lucky she was a great person) she looked just as pleased in her current relationship. Her last marriage was when she was in her 70s


I felt that way after I became a widow. We can't go back. Looking forward, I see it's possible to foster a new love. No doubt love is different at an advanced age, but it's not less valuable and meaningful.


Right behind you... I am 54 and looks like we are on the same boat. I guess we can always hope for the best....


First and paramount to anything, you did not screw up. You went through a process. We always look back on our lives and wonder what could have been, Ok , that is called learning, We need not ever put ourselves down for learning.
I have been single now for over six years and find that I am the one I needed to adore and take care of I love my time and my hobbies. Most of all I love the risks and adventures I took in my life. I never screwed up just did it wrong.

EMC2 Level 8 Apr 5, 2018

I respectfully disagree. People do "screw up" in relationships. When my sister's ex-husband consorted with meth whores for years before she found out, he screwed up--and he learned nothing. When partners of either sex abuse their spouses/loved ones, that is not a "learning process" it is "screwing up." Not saying that the OP did any of these things, but yeah, people DO screw up.

what I mean to say is we are too hard on ourselves most times. A screw up is just that you tried and it did not work out, But is it your fault ? Trying with sincere and genuine intent is honorable and if we do not make it work, we tried and will learn from this. I just , me personally, have stopped saying I messed up, rather than saying I gave it my best and did not work out.

@EMC2 I am fond of saying that no experience, regardless how bad, is not wasted if we learn from it and do not repeat it. I know what you are saying and I agree--my anal nature just "had" to remark that yeah, some people screw up. And some of them learn nothing! 🙂


I haven't had that growing old with a partner either. I have two daughters from two unhealthy marriages-love them both dearly. I have one sister, no kids, so no nieces, nephews-no family gatherings. I've always been independent and isolated from extended family except funerals.
I too long to spend the rest of my life with someone. I'm healthy again and getting out there again.


Never say never. I spent a good number of years avoiding even the thought or possibility of a relationship because I didn't think it was something I was worthy of. I've been asking myself, am I too late? And the answer has been coming back, no. I've also come to understand that to be in a relationship I have to be the right person for myself first.


At this stage, I would be happy just to have someone who wants to talk to me.


My relationships ended for the best. Nothing I could have done would have changed anything.
It's possible I could meet someone compatible and suitable on this forum, but not probable, since I'm 65 years old, living in Thailand, and planning to move to KY.

My plan is start dating after I move to Lexington, to gain a ballroom dance and bird hiking partner.


I'm pushing 59 myself. What words of wisdom I'd like to offer you from my expeience in life is that every serious relationship I've had was different for different reasons. I completely agree, having that someone special to share life with is a great thing, but you also have to be true to yourself. Be your own person, do you own thing(s) and then come together for common interests with a significant other. Get out, go places, see things, do things. Nurture yourself and your own wants/needs in life. Once you master that, your confidence will grow and the "right lady" will notice. Don't focus on what you think you've missed out on, focus on what you want and can have moving forward. You've gotta be happy with yourself before you can ever expect anyone else to be happy with you. You've got this......


At 65 and having been married for 25 years (from the time I was 20-45) and having a live-in relationship for seven years after that, I don't want to live with anyone. I have seen many of my friends, family, and acquaintances get into relationships because of their "need" to be with someone. The "someone" with whom people "need" to be with is their inner self.


It is very human to screw up relationships. I have done so myself. Please do not despair. You will be happy again. I wish you the best.


You are not alone. I will like to have a witness to my life but not at the cost of ending with the wrong partner... just to have a partner. So you try and try and try until that special being that matches you stand in front of you smiling back at you. I had grown comfortable being a solo act and that's good and works for me. I enjoy the company of the ladies because they are the only object of my romance but time is the only item in this life you can not hoarde. Find your next partner for the rest of your time in this earth if this is what your heart desires. Happy Hunting and Good Luck.


I have never been alone before. After some fear, I became almost giddy. After husbands, some relationships, a lot of drama and a child, its just me for the first time in my life. This is a period of amazing discoveries and I haven't finished my journey; finding out who I am, & what I want is something I'm reveling in. How often do men and women get the chance to just be?

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