I would like some opinions! (And these are examples of why some women are disdainful of some men . . .)
I am on a dating site--mostly, it is for amusement as in the last four years I have been on it, I have met one man. I hid it for about a year, then opened it again a couple of months ago when boredom him. I make it clear on my profile that I am looking for FRIENDS ONLY. I am not interested in any type of a "relationship" and want only an occasion lunch or dinner (which is impossible these days due to Covid).
The guy whom I met was a nice guy, but after meeting him (at a park initially) three or four times and PMing on FB, I knew he wanted more than "just" a friendship. Apparently, he interpreted much more than my friendliness intended to "promise." The clincher was the second time he came to my house. I sat on one end of the couch and he on the other. At one point I arose to get a soda or something and he totally misunderstood my movement, saying, "C'mere" and holding his arm out: he thought I was moving to sit by him. I explained why I arose and when I got the soda, sat back down on the other end of the couch.
A couple of nights later, I told him in messages on FB that I was interested only in a PLATONIC friendship and I could tell he was disappointed and a bit surprised by what he wrote.
And that was that: if no sexual relationship were to ensue, although he said that friendship is good, he simply had no more interest. He did not reply to my last message and that was fine. He is 73, six years older than I am, and he made it clear that SEX is still important to him. In addition to everything else, I did not find him attractive, but I spared his feelings on that issue.
Then, there was this conversation with another man (he is 62) on the site. The second message came two weeks after the first. My replies are included:
Him: "Beautiful hair. Hi I'm jeffery From Harrison ark. So how are you? I'd love to hear from you! Well I'm fun clean drug free."
Me: "Thanks for the email, but I am not interested in getting to know you. We have nothing in common."
Two weeks later:
Him: "Hmmm sorry you feel that way. But I'm sure I can please you and we would have a good time! It's been a long time and I'm craving it just as you are! Jeffery"
When I didn’t reply right away, he turned on the charm.
Him: "I'd love to please you..."
I was not kind to him:
Me: "You are not only rude and demeaning to women, but you are . Learn how to talk to women, asshole. You are disgusting. And if I want someone to "please" me, I'll go with one of the young hard-bodied men who proposition me. They might not be extremely intelligent, either, but at least they are good-looking."
What. The. Hell?
Guys, weigh in on these scenarios. Why do SOME men think that because they are sexually attracted by a woman, she is automatically attracted to them? I have had this experience dozens of times. And I know that not all men are like this--I am not bashing all men.
Ladies, similar experiences?
And the last guy states on his profile that he is "Babtist" [sic] and goes to church.
6
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Some people enjoy being morons. 
Gwen, you seem like a good egg from what I have read from you on the forum. You say you want opinions, but you may not like mine. Some women play just as many games as some men on dating sites. You have no control over how honest the other person will be. You can only be as honest and explicit as possible if you are seeking only a particular type of arrangement. After that, you can either stay involved or opt out. It sounds to me like you may not be explicit enough in defining to the men you engage with what you are after. Personally, I wouldn't use a dating site if what I really wanted was only some kind of FWB, which is what you seem to be after. But maybe I'm wrong about that and it depends on the dating site. Maybe a hookup site would be better for what you are after rather than something like Match or Our Time, which would seem to be more for people who want to actually date and be involved romantically.
As to what you said about mutual sexual attraction, I can only speak for myself that I never assume that sexual attraction on my part towards someone is mutual, until they make it very obvious that is the case. I have never been confident about my looks, so maybe that explains that. I have no idea how most other men are on the front of assuming their attraction is automatically mutual. After two years of frustration and rejection the last time I used a dating site-before meeting someone I dated for about six months exclusively- I know that the next time I use a site after Covid, I will be a lot quicker to move on if someone does not seem right or appears to be playing games. I will come into it with no expectations and therefore will probably have less disappointment and get played less often.
TomMcGiverin
Level 8
Nov 28, 2020
0
@Gwendolyn2018 Then explicitly say so, "Seeking only male friends for occaisional meals together", nothing more. The reason I thought you were after FWB is that almost nobody on a dating site is going to be interested in meeting and getting to know a woman simply to share a meal and conversation once in a while, at least not the men I have known in my life or the men I have heard about from dating sites. Maybe you are on there just for amusement more than you know or are letting on. No offense, Gwen, just saying how it looks based on what you have shared.
The way most men I have known are wired they only want to meet women for three types of situations: Conventional relationships with sex and emotional attachment as part of a relationship. Platonic friendship. FWB. Of course, these only apply to men who are into monogamy. Once you open the field to those who into poly, then it expands considerably beyond the three types I listed.
@Gwendolyn2018 It does and it doesn't. You want a platonic relationship that only involves meeting once in a while for meals and talk, not regular communication or contact in between meetings. That is much more limited than what most men would expect when you say you are looking for friends only. To me and most men, friends, male or female, means or implies an ongoing friendship where you talk regularly and get together more than just once in a blue moon. So, yes, you do need to add more explicit definition of what you want and are willing to be involved in.
@Gwendolyn2018 There's nothing wrong with wanting what you want, I'm just saying there are very few single men out there who are either wanting the same thing as what you are stating or willing to settle for that. Most single men want to meet women who at least want an emotional relationship, regular contact and regular meeting in person, if not a sexual relationship as well. You want a phone/text buddy who also will meet for an occaisional meal. Few and far between pickings. Good luck.
I don't think that all men feel you are attracted to them. It's just that they want you to be. In the extreme most men of this type actually believe that a no and a yes mean just the opposite of each other. This is why many do not understand rape or why a man would be tried for it. As a society we had ditched a lot of these feelings until women who were in an apartment with a sports figure at 3 AM started crying rape again. Judges and juries looked at no meaning yes all over once more. Maybe we can thank lawyers for this. The bottom line is the role we think the other is playing.
DenoPenno
Level 9
Nov 28, 2020
0
For years men got their sex education from Playboy Magazine.
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