@Gwendolyn2018 I had the good fortune to be married to a gutsy, assertive (without being aggressive or nasty) woman. It was liberating to finally find a woman whose mind I didn't have to read. Many times we heard, mostly women, say they did not want to be 'confrontational' but it this just seems to set them up for being taken advantage of.

I don't find the term 'mansplaining offensive' as it often fits. However, some, including myself, may not fully understand how this works (I did look it up) and be, unconsciously, guilty of this and would hope that the person I am talking to would let me know if I was being condescending.

The Linguist, Debra Tannen, talks a lot in her books about the tendency for egotism and the need to be on the defensive side for many men. To her, ones gender can and does shape their conversation.

@Gwendolyn2018 I agree it can and often does shape conversation but not always. Just like 'some' women are raised to be non-confrontational I also feel it is a natural tendency. Thanks for 'splaining' the term so I guess I might be innocent. Sounds like having Catholic Priests telling couples how they should lead their sex lives.

All of the women I have had deep relationships have been highly intelligent. Unfortunately, the first two did not have the emotions to match their intelligence. Intelligence is a must for me otherwise I would find the relationship boring. My late partner was head and shoulders above me in intelligence. What she had naturally I had to spend years and lots of pain to acquire.

The example is exactly what Deborah Tannen often describes about how men react. They have a need to be the superior species. However, it is also common knowledge that our brains are wired differently and when a women talks of her 'issues' the natural tendency for men is to take action. Even with me it is there and I often have to know when one is looking for help or simply seeking a understanding shoulder. This is where assertiveness is important. I do not like to read minds and need to be told when something is right or wrong.

@Gwendolyn2018 By being non-confrontational as being natural I am not just referring to women but the general population. Many, and perhaps the majority, consider themselves (I do) introverts and as such either lack the self-confidence or, in my case, are not quick on the draw mentally-wise. It’s the leading reason so many religious groups are able to get their way in pushing their beliefs on others. I looked it up an am only slightly right ”…introverts made up 50.7% and extroverts 49.3%...”

I also feel physical strength and the issue of birthing played a big role in segregating the sexes into specific roles. However, studies have shown the different wiring of their brains have allowed women to see and understand things men cannot. I see that as a positive.

I question the part about men being rewarded for being non-confrontational. Being seen as being macho is a big impediment to standing up for ones beliefs. Look at what tRump has done to his followers. Often, a man cannot be a man unless he behaves in a certain manner and gets excoriated if he goes against the man crowd. This is my experience. As far as admiring an ‘assertive’ man it depends on what he is being assertive about (like not voting to convict someone in a member’s party).

My late partner was told by her mother she was like her matriarchal grandfather. There was something in her genes that made her see things others didn’t and be willing to speak out. Because of this her mother (even though she was illiterate) constantly groomed her to question everything. Because of her body language she could get away with things others (even women) could not. This was something I loved and I knew if I stepped out of line or missed something she would let me know. It meant, again, I don’t have to be put in a position of reading minds. If it is done in a loving, caring manner it can be a beautiful thing.

Right now PBS is having a lot of shows dedicated to strong women. One I really like is titled “Atlantic” Crossing. Here the crown princess of Norway is able to accomplish things no one else could and her marriage suffers for it.

I see your point about separate species and it reminds me, yet again, language is not an exact science and I realize my phrasing was misleading. Misunderstanding other people’s communication (especially between men and women) is why I have been studying Deborah Tannen for a long time. I expect and demand others viewpoints even if they are at odds with mine. However, agreeing to disagree is also important.

@Gwendolyn2018 Interesting comments and they deserve some thought. Just so you know I love interactions like this as it gives me time to think and write and think some more. It is one reason I have been on the site so long. It often serves as a learning period for me.

I am definitely an introvert but, as you, have changed as I have aged. I hate strong confrontations and find that much more can be accomplished if two people work out their differences amicably. It’s not that hard. I had a woman from this site visit me a couple of years ago. From our conversations I thought she would be a friend but not more. She thought otherwise (she told me so) and jumped on me every chance she could get to try and stir me up. When I didn’t bite she got even madder. It was a miserable two weeks. There are some (again from Debra Tannen) who live by stirring things up. This gets their emotions going which often end up in bed. The series “The Crown” show Princess Margaret as such a person and my aunt and uncle were another two. They fought constantly (she was often the cause and she admitted this to me). When she died my uncle, a German (who survived 4 years fighting the Russian front and 5 years in a Siberian Gulag) was crying like a baby. I asked him why, because she treated him so bad and he answered: “I know but I miss her!” [en.wikipedia.org] go down to WWII.

One big reason we came here was because of the ultra-strong sense of community. This county has perhaps the strongest sense of community than anywhere else in the state. The pandemic closed a lot down and everyone felt it, including me. As of late it has been extra hard on me and now I have scheduled seeing a therapist (a woman). My closest friend is a super extrovert and yet still claims a big part of him is introverted and he would like nothing better than to live on a secluded island with his wife. Interacting with him, this seems like pure BS.

“Men made the rules…” I have to disagree with that because lots of women also feel men should be strong and macho. Women are not all the same nor are all men. Both genders have their strengths/weaknesses. I have been in several relationships and have seen many sides of women and men, good and bad. Also, strength is not just about physicality but also perseverance.

“…why should it even be pointed out that the Crown Princess's marriage suffers because of her duties?” Have you seen the series? The relationship struggle was one strong message by the film. It’s supposedly based on true facts but it was a clear sign of a weakness by the Crown Prince and his inability to get help for his country whereas she, getting close to FDR, was able to secure a battleship. Again, many men hate to take a backseat to a woman. Let me say that paragraph, I saw was too simple for such a complex situation. Thank you for motivating me to post another uncommon word (solicitude) with a comment about a particular woman’s strength which can be of no deny.

What you said about body types is spot on. My late partner was a petit (5’0”, 100lbs) dark haired, attractive Iranian (yes big nose) with a wide smile and just a hint of accent. Her size disarmed people and she knew it and used it to its full extent. She was not afraid of anyone and sometimes being with her scared me. She hated heels as they are bad for one’s posture. She and I were on the same page as far as taking one’s health seriously went. Making assumptions about people, I think is normal for both sexes. Ours was a long distance relationship yet with our first meeting she saw how I was dressed and it bothered her. The chemistry was lacking for both of us but we had established a strong base and were able to overcome the chemistry crap.

Absolutely, agreeing to disagree has its limits and I have been there done that with others and found it better to simply ignore any further discussion. However, here is a very liberal area and I have found very few I disagree with to the extent you mentioned.

@Gwendolyn2018 Oh I love the ones who won't give up especially, nice long debates.

@Gwendolyn2018 I have blocked a few, too, but usually after so many exchanges that our points are getting repeated, and we are both doubling down. Even then, if the other person refrains from personal character mud-slinging, I may tolerate them longer.

Blocking doesn't work for you at all?

No, not at all. Previous to not being able to block, I blocked a number and their still blocked, but blocking isn't an option now. I have complained via the Senate to no avail, including tagging admin.

@Theresa_N That's ridiculous. I rely heavily on the block feature to eliminate the noise. If you're using the app, have you tried uninstalling and reinstalling it?

@Gwendolyn2018 I can be blocked, I just can't block.

@Theresa_N did you exceed your quota of blocks?