When I was much younger, I took a girl on a date to the movies. At the end of the date there was some kissing. I also told her I wanted to have sex with her. She got quite angry with me it turned out she never went out with me again and she never spoke to me again. Was that an appropriate response.
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Yup. You creeped her out. Too aggressive. I'm by no means a prude & now that I'm divorced, I'm FULLY ENJOYING a healthy sex life.(flipside of that coin, I've also been known to, "Hey thanx, your UBER'S here" too) But unless I initiate...i want the guy to back off. Aggression is a creepy turn off for those who aren't into that kind of thing.
Emme
Level 7
Apr 22, 2018
7
So it's creepy if the guy is aggressive but not if the girl is. That sounds like a double standard
Emme:
@lbusche the circumstances of the date weren't all that clear. Was it a hookup date? If so, respectfully handle the business & nake sure UBER is there on time. Was it an actual date? Everyone is different, but personally, I don't like being touched right away or on a 1st-3rd date beyond a kiss on the cheek. And I really don't like wandering hands. Again, I'm just speaking for myself.
@Emme exactly that is the way it should be. no guesswork involved. I am pretty sure she wasn't interested in relationship building. But maybe I was a free pass to a movie. I know I was definitely interested in sex and I thought the subject had come up before hand. But its all water under the bridge.
Was she Catholic?
chucklesIII
Level 7
Apr 22, 2018
0
Emme:
Gimme a break, I'm in recovery for that ❣??
@Emme , yeah, it can do quite a bit of damage. I wish you luck. Hang in there!
Emme:
@chucklesIII
I'm all good now, well sorta...?
Now I get to do all kindsa fun stuff with NONE OF THE GUILT ❣??
@Emme , very glad to hear it. In all seriousness, I lost someone recently due to suicide that was brought on by depression which was started by Cathology. She was one of the kindest people I had ever met and was a protector in many ways. She never recovered from the guilt they pushed onto her.
Emme:
@chucklesIII
I'm sorry that happened.
Religion that is oppressive sucks.
You probably saved yourself a great deal of frustration down the line. At least you found out early on that this was a relationship which was probably not worth pursuing.
One of the things that it's really important to find out early on in the courtship process is whether the person you are hoping to develop a romantic relationship with likes sex and sees it as an integral part of who they are. Not as some "other" aspect of their being which they parade around on rare occasions like the Crown Jewels.
If this person reacted so negatively to the thought of being physically intimate with you this early on, then imagine what things would have been like two years down the road if you had stuck around. You would have been lucky to receive physical intimacy once a month, and only then after having to grovel for days and weeks on end.
You don't want that. Always pursue women who like men and enjoy sex and you'll be much happier.
Just always remember to understand that not every intimate relationship you become involved in will wind up being a long term thing. She might get bored and move on, and that's perfectly ok. You'll know that it was good while it lasted and that you never had to grovel to have your needs met.
webbew1
Level 7
Apr 22, 2018
1
I get your point but, society has always put a lot more pressure on women to restrain their sexual desires than men. While that seems to be changing somewhat, it still exists. Hard to say why she resented his advance to the extent she did.
Emme:
Really?!
As a hedonist, I absolutely enjoy sex with both men and women.
There is a level of mutual respect and communication that should be involved to be able to obtain mutually satisfying sex. To imply someone doesn't like men or sex because they had self-respect & said, "No" on a date is disrespectful and selfish. I'm digging neither of those traits sexually.
@UnityBrad....
Agreed. Keep in mind that the United States is still steeped very deeply in puritanical ideals.
Sex is still considered "dirty" unless it occures in the missionary position between husband and wife, and only for the purpose of procreation.
This attitude permeates our entire culture, and it especially seems to be prevailent on the outer fringes. One thing which both militant left wing crazies and militant right wing crazies can 100% agree upon is that they hate sex unless it fits in to their narrow window of what they think sex ought to be. Both groups just love to stick their noses in to other people's bedrooms.
These puritanical ideals have been especially tough on women. Any woman who actually admits to liking men and enjoying sex is labeled a whore by the right wing or some kind of helpless victim by the left. They get hit especially hard from both sides.
Meanwhile, those sane folks who reside in the middle just live by the notion that so long as what goes on in the bedroom occurs between two consenting adults and nobody winds up dead or in the hospital, it's nobody elses business.
I certainly hope that the day comes when it's possible for women of sensible mental faculties to openly admit that they enjoy sex and male companionship without being pidgeon holed by a differing insulting labels from both wings of the looney bin.
No, not at all. There are a lot of wacko women who get easily insulted, and you had the bad luck to meet one. I once asked my instructor in grad school for sex. She said no, but didn't get insulted, and I got an A in the course. She was a very cool lady.
doug6352
Level 7
Apr 22, 2018
2
Emme:
Insulted/creeped out are two entirely different things. A verbal request for sex is quite different from a physical request for sex, especially at a first meeting situation. Ladies, remember to reach over and ,"Grab em by the Bs" at the end of your next date❣??
The original poster indicated he made a verbal request.
'Wacko women' what a terrible thing to say. Just because someone does not want sex and says so, they are wacko??
Hard to tell. Was she a virgin? How old were both of you? Was it a first date?
sassygirl3869
Level 9
Apr 22, 2018
2
I have no idea whether she was a virgin. I believe I was 18 I think 2nd date.
I guess I can sympathize with her. I was a virgin till 18-last of my friends If she was a virgin I'd be pissed too.
YES. No woman who starts to think some guy actually likes her for herself, wants to find out his entire goal of taking her to the movies and paying attention to her in the first place was to satisfy his body urges.
birdingnut
Level 8
Apr 22, 2018
2
But that's kind of the whole point of becoming romantically involved with other people, isn't it?
People can hang out in a non-sexual way all day long. We date in order to have something more than just a beer drinking buddy. We date in order to have our sexual needs fulfilled. And this applies to both men and women.
We seriously need to get over this puritanical notion that a persons sexuality is somehow not an integral part of "who they are". Walking around with the idea implanted in our heads that somebody somehow thinks less of another individual just because they find them sexually desireable isn't healthy.
It is entirely possible for someone to be sexually attracted to another person and STILL wish them success, happiness and prosperity. These are not mutually exclusive principles. They are the mark of being a decent human being.
@webbew1 LOL! Spoken like a male..no "love" -just sex. And on a first date, unless you are claiming to be able to fall in love with a woman in one date and care about her. I think not.
I must be from a different planet or something but I have always dated for three to four weeks before sex happens. Have to connect with the other person. She was right in her response.
Jontom2017
Level 5
Apr 22, 2018
8
I take it you've never in your life been in a singles bar. I have, and on occasion we have met for the first time, went home, and got naked together.
There was nothing wrong with the woman saying no, but not talking to him ever again was an indication of her problems, not his.
Well it was here. Hard to say ...thkhvhgetting angry is odd. Simple no or not there yet would suffice.
gigihein
Level 8
Apr 22, 2018
1
Honestly, just based on what you wrote, it seems like her response was pretty harsh. That being said, there really is no "appropriate" response. Some girls are ready and willing for sex early on, even first date, while some girls aren't ready and willing unto after marriage! It also depends on many other things including, but not limited to, how you said it, how you acted when you said it, how you reacted when she said no, etc.
Ginagm71
Level 5
Apr 22, 2018
4
Emme:
Don't gimme no lines & keep yo hands to yoself❣??
Depends on how you propositioned. "Wanna fuck?" is a far more terrible way to approach the subject than, say, "May I stay the night?"
If your approach was more like the former example than the latter....I hope you've improved your game since then.
Shawno1972
Level 7
Apr 22, 2018
4
I don't recall using the word fuck. Probably not. I was 18 and a little more timid than I am now.
I think maybe your statement came off as aggressive. There are a LOT of variables that could have affected her response but I think that by phrasing it as a statement rather than a question... ie. Would you like to have sex with me? It makes it feel threatening.
SabertoothBunni
Level 2
Apr 22, 2018
1
Emme:
Yes, sex is supposed to be a good thing. And the manner in which people go about it shouldn't be threatening.
Maybe I’m missing something but it seems to me that both of you were justified. You to ask, which is not wrong and her to say no and move on. The idea that there are secret codes about the appropriate time to express desire seems outdated. As long as you were not crude or aggressive, of course.
Kayladad1
Level 4
Apr 22, 2018
2
I wonder if more options are needed without judgement. I would prefer a bit more interaction and would feel the vibe if it was there. . being a good kisser could change the dynamic. Each must have a theme I enjoy romance (redefined) and physical interaction with imagination and eroticism. Why bother to hump like a buffalo Just me
Sex may or may not have been your endgame before you even met. Whichever was true, you just made it look like it was. Personally, I'd have left it at "I find you very attractive/sexy and I'd love to see you again." Maybe go for a brief kiss on the lips, and leave the question of sex for meet no.2.
I get crap like this on PoF all of the time. Starts out civil, and the next thing you know, it's all about getting their rocks off. Only yesterday, I was chatting with a guy and it was all perfectly pleasant. He mentioned that he was going to take a bath. He then mentioned that he was going to masturbate while he was in there. End of conversation for me. I expect that behaviour when 'hooking up', I don't expect it when 'dating' (which is what I'm attempting to do on PoF, and I make that very clear in my profile.)
The trouble here is that women, gay bottoms, and indeed anyone in the sexually receptive role are plagued with men who just want somewhere body temperature to dump their next ejaculation into. They will be on the lookout for telltales that you're that kind of man. Sadly, it's up to you to prove that you're not.
Unless they do just want a shag. In which case, happy days.
NicoleCadmium
Level 7
Apr 22, 2018
7
Foe her it was. She saw your behavior as inappropriate, and it obviously made her uncomfortable. You nee to consider the other person's feelings.
Those things take time. Relationships need to grow, and go through stages. You were trying to jump the gun.
Robotbuilder
Level 7
Apr 22, 2018
5
I always let the body language speak for itself. If you want to know what your date thinks about you physically and what their intentions may be for the longevity of date, their bodies never lie. Eyes, mouth, hands and feet instantly tell you what their minds won't upfront. When I was younger and bar hopped a lot, I used to bet friends on if dates would leave together or separately just by reading their body language. Let's just say I rarely bought my own drinks. Seriously though, the body itself speaks the truth more than words can ever say.
SinCityHeathen
Level 5
Apr 22, 2018
3
You never mentioned age. And age difference if any. I am not going to assume you were adults.
GipsyOfNewSpain
Level 9
Apr 22, 2018
0
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